JEFF FOXWORTHY on NEW ENGLAND
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day, hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in New England.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in the nation, and Boston gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you might live in New England.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you might live in New England.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live in New England.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in New England.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in NewEngland.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in New England.
If your town has more bars than churches, you might live in New England.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in New England.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE NEW ENGLANDER WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going South past New York City for the weekend.
2. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
3. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
4. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend / wife knows how to use them.
7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
9. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
10. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
11. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
12. "Down South" to you means Philadelphia.
13. A brat is something you eat.
14. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.
15. You go out for a fish fry every Friday.
16. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
17. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
18. You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."
19. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your New England friends. 
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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