Update -- long (like lunchbreak long)
02/16/06 06:14 AM
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*Swoon*
My date was wonderful. He picked me up in a cab (I feel like the last 3089240298 dates I've been on I've had to meet the guy at the place, so it was really nice to be picked up). He was wearing a suit and looked amazing. I wore a dress that I feel fabulous in, so it was all good. We went to a really nice restaurant across town. He checked our coats (took mine off for me), and pulled out my chair at the table. I was a little unsure of how things would go since we were supposed to be trying to get to know each other as friends first and then seeing where things went. The menu was great (I had a shrimp and crab appetizer, red snapper entree, and a naughty chocolate hazlenut confection for dessert; he had the same app, steak entree -- I had a bite and it was perfect -- and some vanilla raspberry thing). He ordered champagne, and it was delightful. I got him a little gift (scrabble cufflinks, a refernce to a running trash-talk we have about which one of us would win a game since we're both super nerds -- he's only 29 and OWNS a software company that he started 6 years ago), and he LOVED it.
By dessert he was holding my hand constantly, and I was totally suckered in by those ridiculous blue eyes. You blue-eyed people really need to be careful how you use them. They're dangerous. He's so hot, did I mention that? As we were finishing up we decided to call a couple that we are both friends with, since they lived a block away and we knew they weren't doing vday until next week because they were both swamped with work. They came and had a drink with us over at the bar in that restaurant. It was a lot of fun. He kept holding my hand in front of his friends.
When it was time to go, he got my coat from the coat check, put it on me, and lifted my hair out from inside my collar and laid it on my back. I literally almost fell down. We took a cab back to my place, and I told him that it was totally messy (as usual) since I wasn't anticipating company, but that he was welcome to come up if he'd like. So, he came in.
Within about 5 minutes we were smooching on my couch and it was SO NICE, like movie kisses with his hands on my face and everything.
Then, he kind of freaked out, said he should go, and started putting his coat on. I walked him downstairs and he just brought up the whole thing again about how much he likes me and is attracted to me but worries about the fact that I'm religious and he's not, and that he thinks that's going to be a real problem for me. We've already had this conversation ad nauseum so I don't know why he keeps bringing it up. Plus, he gets all clammy and inarticulate when he's nervous, so I have to kind of guess at what he's thinking and he says yes or no. It's rough. So basically I said listen, my bottom line, my dealbreakers, are that I get married in my church and raise my children in my church. Other than that, my faith is my own thing, I don't need a buddy system, I don't need someone who believes the same as me. He's not anti-religion or anything, just a very scientific guy and can't really believe in anything he doesn't see, and I get that because my dad is exactly the same way (and my parents have a great marriage and all the kids turned out fine, so it doesn't worry me). So basically I told him to stop worry about my having a problem, because I don't have one. I said if you have a problem with it, then that's a whole other thing, and he should own it. And he said you're right, I guess I do have a problem, I should own up to it. So I said, you think this is going to be a roadblock for you. And he said yes. And I said okay, I get that. And I said why did you just make out with me? And he said something like I guess I wanted to. So I said fair enough.
Then I stood up and said okay, good talk (kind of abruptly) and he was I think a little startled by it. I opened the door, said thank you very much for dinner, and said goodnight, let him out. By the time I got back up to my apartment my phone was ringing; it was him. "I don't know why I have to cause drama, who even talks about this stuff on basically the first date, why do I have to create problems, can we just forget that whole conversation? I'm so sorry!" So I said apology accepted, obviously, but what is it you want? I said I don't think it's unreasonable to think about these things, and if it's not going to work out I prefer to determine that now, rather than get involved and break up later, and hear myself saying for the millionth time in a breakup "If you knew this was going to be a problem all along why didn't you say so X years ago?" So I don't think he's totally nuts. And I said if you look down the road and see a roadblock, then it makes sense to do what you're doing. And he goes "I don't know what I see! Who am I to try to see into the future? I don't know what I'm going to feel!" (A total turnaround from before). So I said fine, how do you want to leave things? And he said let's just pretend that after our great dinner we made out at your place and then said goodnight, and leave it open as to whether we go out again. And I said fine, and that I had to go to bed now, and we got off the phone.
Yesterday he IMed me a million times and we chatted about random stuff, he thanked me again for the gift, etc. I don't really know how to proceed from here. Our mutual friends -- mostly his college buddies who I have met in law school, and who are protective of me but have known him 10x longer -- are all telling me to do different things. One says I should "take the bull by the horns" and give him some sort of ultimatum, which is SO not my style. Another one says that I'm a rockstar and that if he doesn't recognize that I should forget it. Then they both say that he's such a great guy and that he's not being crazy on purpose.
So, I don't really know what to do. I think I'll probably just take a back seat to the whole thing and see where he takes it (typically passive amanda). I'll probably end up seeing him this weekend because we have friends in common, but maybe not. I'm sure he'll IM or text me today or tomorrow since he seems to do that a lot. I'm going to karaoke tonight and this other boy that I've been crushing on for a while (and who kissed me last weekend -- that's a whole other story) is planning on coming, so I think I'm just going to focus on that.
Thoughts??????????????????
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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