it is *perfectly okay* to still be grieving, angry, not okay. you don't need to force yourself to pretend to be alright all of the time. (i have a friend who's actually dealing with the opposite side of that, feeling guilty that he *isn't* grieving enough or properly, feeling wrong about being able to get on like he's okay.) of course, no answers, but hugs and love and support being sent your way. i'm not saying to get stuck in your grief, but it's really okay to still be upset, angry, hurt, and not over this - no one could expect you to be perfectly at peace with this now.