Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Re: long post about family issues...

I'd just like to second or third the idea of therapy to help sort things out. If you're recalling all the episodes where your mother mistreated your illnesses, perhaps it means you're ready to sort some of this out further. A therapist can provide a safe place to do that. (You sound amazingly calm about all of this, but I'd be absolutely furious.)

More immediately, a good therapist can coach you on ways to set limits, as another poster put it, even through something as simple as saying, "I'm sorry, Mother, I just don't feel comfortable discussing my health with you." and encouraging you to "stay on message" even when your mother tries to make you feel guilty. (If I can inject a little outrage here: in my opinion, there is no sane universe in existence where your mother should be able to make you feel the teeniest, tiniest bit guilty. Quite the opposite, in fact.)

And I do think you should discuss this with your sister, especially if your sister's child is now spending a lot of time with your mother and even more so if your sister may not be aware of how badly your mother mistreated your illnesses. It's possible your mother will repeat the same pattern with her grandchildren.

I'm so sorry for what you've suffered and for what you're still suffering both physically and emotionally. I hope the holidays go smoothly for you.

Take care.

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