I'm so sorry you feel this way. There is no easy answer here except to say that you are in control and you can make the choice to do things that make you happy!!
I know it's much easier said than done sometimes....I've been trying to tell myself the same thing the last little while and it doesn't always work as well as I would like.
What about taking up a hobby?
I'm starting to take up figure skating again because it's something that makes me happy. Is there anything like that you might like? A book club?, etc.?
*hugs* I hope you feel better soon.....you're not alone....you can always come here and talk if you need to.