I know you probably don't know me but I am mostly a lurker because we have so many kids that I don't often have the time or energy to post. Having said that I read many of your posts and I understand that it is a struggle and I am also guilty of thinking "How did my life get this way?" and "will it always be like this?" I too struggle daily with pain although it is not constant as yours is. I too feel very alone, but giving up is simply not an option. I have two children and two step children. Some how I just have to keep going. You too Beth. I'm not sure if you want advice on what to do or not, but these are my thoughts: 1) Move out of the apartment even though it may seem scary to do so. 2) Keep trying for a med that will help. You are in pain anyway, right? So what have you got to lose? Have you tried Levsin or Donnatal? Have you tried Benefiber? This seems to be the only SFS I can take and it does help me somewhat although it's not perfect. Before you give up, please try different things and then more things. What about Buspar? I am thinking about trying that once I wean my baby.
Please hang in there Beth. You are sweet person and I do care. I am also an underweight librarian with an eating disorder in my past. You are not alone. Let me know if you'd like to e-mail.