As a seller, I try my darn hardest to (1) communicate with my buyers every step of the way and (2) VOLUNTARILY let them know if any delays have come up. I figure that's all just common courtesy, but I've BOUGHT enough things on ebay to realize it isn't so common after all.
So I don't think you were hard on the seller, no. I'm sorry she was such a dud!
One thing to watch for is the method of shipping used. On the rare occasion that I get buyers asking me where their item is, it's almost always because they expected I'd ship it Priority Mail, and never read in the auction that I shipped it Parcel Post or Media Mail (which wouldn't apply to clothes, but MM can take up to a month!). Not saying that's what happened, but just a tip - something to watch for.
By the way, as far as I know, there isn't any rule stating that sellers have to ship within 4 days. In fact, I know for sure that there are some sellers who only go to the PO once a week. So if you can find that somewhere on the ebay site, post the link, because that's news to me, and I've been selling for a long time!
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