Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | All in my head? Am I going crazy?

Today I actually feel ok. What's wrong with me? Yesterday I couldn't move...today I feel decent and have more energy than I have in a while. I am start to think it's all in my head?

I'm still achy and out of it...but no where near as bad as it's been. And I didn't even hardly sleep at all last night. I burnt a scented cabdle and I think it woke me up. Is that nuts? A SMELL (plus the storm we had) kept me up. I think I'm really losing it!

I did yoga in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep and I'm drinking caffenated coffee and I took a hot shower this morning. I still need REAL sleep (not 1, 2, or 3 hour doses)...but what's with me? I'm starting to think the people in my community just think I'm a hypochondriac!

I just want to crawl into a hole. I wish I werw tih my friends. these people don't even know me...they just know I'm sick. They don't kmno the fun loving gal I really am.

I hate not ahvign a diagnosis to tell people. One person actuaklly told kme I should get otu of the house more and be with people more...and that I shouldn't go to doctors it's depressing. I wish we were "home" and not here! I missmy friends...who don't try to tell me how to live my life and are supportive of me and the things I go through.

Why can't we all live together right next door to one another! Then none of us would never be alone! I really wish I were coming to the IBS Fall Sprawl so I could meet everyone...

I'm sorry I've been so down lately. It's just difficult times right now. Doc put me on ANOTHER antibiotic. Another month hubby and I can;t be togehter. It's been MONTHS now! Plus all the side effects of the meds. Ugh! How much more can I take?

Should I just not listen to the people in my community? Does it really soubnd like fibro or do you guys just think I've lost it? I just feel so alone here. How much more will my hubby stand by me without a diagmnosis?

I just want to scream! I DON'T think it's all in my head! I thitnk I'm sick. I was tested for chemical depression through biofeedback and I am not chemically/clinically depressed. I WANT to be abelt o enjoy life and to enjoy my husband. I want to have a family. I want to go to Super Wal Mart and buy myself a glider chair and a bunch fo things to relax

I want to take my dog Shana to the doggie park. I want to go to my friend's houses for the hloidays. I want to work on my book. I want to clean my house and do my dishes and the laundry and make my hubby yummy lunches and dinners. I want to go hiking. I want to be pain free...it's been over a YEAR since I've had a day without pain...I have forgotten what that feels like! I want to laugh a real good hearty laugh at something funny or even not so funny but amusing even. I want to cry at something beautfiul. I want to LIVE life not just get by feeling cloudy and foggy all the time. I want to be present when my husband talks and not have to have him repeat himself several times before I digest everything. I want to eat something without it upsetting my stomach. I want to listen to my favortie CD not to relax, but because it's FUN! I want to do something just cause it's fun. I want to pray to G-d and cry out loud for joy for all He gives me and sorrow for those who lack. I want to run with my dog...RUN with my dog...and play rope with her and wrestle with her and be there for her instead of beign too tired to do much other than feed her and pet her. I want to go shopping with the one friend I've made here in Phoenix when she asks me to go...to have the energy to go shopping with her. I want to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day with energy to get what I need to done. I want to stop having a need to share fears and tribulations on this board and to share happy positive times more. I want to love myself. I want to like myself. I want to be assertive and to learn to make my own decisions and to trust myself more. I want to trust that I am NOT crazy and that hti is NOT in my head and I really am sick. I want to see what my husband sees in me that he loves so much that he loves me even though I'm sick. I want to enjoy my shower, my yoga, my coffee, whatever it is...because I deserve it! I want to LIVE...not just let life slip through my fingers. I want world peace, an end to hunger (sorry if this is cheesy!) and I want everyone to be loved and to love...to know what thayt's like. I want to FEEL life is agift and to know I am livign life as such.

Thanks for listening. I hope to write more positive posts soon!

With love,

Ruchie

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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