Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards

Thought this would get all the mom's laughing

Subject: a Mom's Letter to Santa
>>> >>
>>> >>Even if you don't believe in
>>> >>Santa, I think that you will get a smile and laugh
>>> >>from this!
>>> >>
>>> >>Dear Santa,
>>> >>
>>> >>I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and
>>> >>cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's
>>> >>office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of
>>> >>candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the
>>> >>school playground. I was hoping you could spread my
>>> >>list out over several Christmases, since I had to
>>> >>write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the
>>> >>back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles,
>>> >>and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the
>>> >>next 18 years.
>>> >>
>>> >>Here are my Christmas wishes:
>>> >>
>>> >>I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color,
>>> >>except purple, which I already have) and arms that
>>> >>don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong
>>> >>enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy
>>> >>aisle in the grocery store.
>>> >>
>>> >>I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in
>>> >>the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
>>> >>
>>> >>If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like
>>> >>fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only
>>> >>plays adult music; a television that doesn't
>>> >>broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and
>>> >>a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the
>>> >>crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
>>> >>
>>> >>On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that
>>> >>says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence,
>>> >>along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of
>>> >>jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of
>>> >>power tools.
>>> >>
>>> >>I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting
>>> >>"Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands
>>> >>off your brother," because my voice seems to be just
>>> >>out of my children's hearing range and can only be
>>> >>heard by the dog.
>>> >>
>>> >>If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd
>>> >>settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my
>>> >>hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food
>>> >>warmer than room temperature without it being served
>>> >>in a Styrofoam container.
>>> >>
>>> >>If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas
>>> >>miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be
>>> >>too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It
>>> >>will clear my conscience immensely. It would be
>>> >>helpful if you could coerce my children to help around
>>> >>the house without demanding payment as if they were
>>> >>the bosses of an organized crime family.
>>> >>
>>> >>Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing, and
>>> >>my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I
>>> >>think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and
>>> >>remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come
>>> >>in and dry off so you don't catch cold.
>>> >>
>>> >>Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat
>>> >>too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
>>> >>
>>> >>Yours Always, MOM...!
>>> >>
>>> >>P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests
>>> >>if you can keep my children young enough to believe in
>>> >>Santa.

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