so. went to the doctor yesterday, with my mom. (my mom who, i don't know if i've mentioned here, is being wonderful about all of this.) and it went really well. first they put us in this mini-livingroom to watch a video, basically a conversation between a dr. and patient. i guess if my mother and i hadn't been doing tons of research, it would've been really informative. as it was, it was mostly funny. then a brief exam with the doctor, and then mom came back in for some talking.
the doctor is great - so patient and cool. (i *hate* when doctors seem to already have their mind on the next patient when they're in the room with you.) and she made me feel really comfortable - in that she's confident and knows what she's doing, but also is far from the sleazy, slick plastic surgery thing. she's more of an eccentric artist/hippie looking type, which really put me at ease.
and, proud of myself - no crying! i mentioned to my mom that i didn't want to cry, and she went in the direction of 'if you're upset, it helps to get it out, etc.' but it wasn't that i wanted to hold anything in - i'm *not* upset, i want to do this, and the crying's irrational and i don't like doing it. i also don't feel better afterwards. so i was really happy that i didn't get upset. like, if this were foot surgery, there'd be no tears.
and afterwards i felt so much better. i've been sort of bleh lately, not sad or down, just not at ease. biting my nails more, not eating smartly. it's been a whole conflation of things - money issues, and not eating enough veggies and healthy food, which doesn't help. but i think the main thing was the upcoming dr visit, the general anxiety about that. just riding the bus home from work last night i felt more at ease than i have in weeks.
it turns out that the surgery's a little more involved that i'd thought - not just implants, but also a breast lift on one side, to even things out. which means more scars, which i'm not psyched about. (and a more expensive surgery - again, god bless my parents, who are so amazing - my mom understands that this is something i need to do to. i guess half an hour of crying on the phone will get that across.  ) but it's worth it. i mean, so worth it. to have the resolution of this in the near future is so great. i have been waiting so, so many years.
so that's the boob update.  i know kate at least wants to hear about how i'm doing otherwise. i'm good. like i said, there's been this general dis-ease the last few weeks, maybe more, which has seeped into everything, even if it was just mostly coming from this. so work's felt wonky, i've felt wonky. but things are still good.  even though i haven't been posting as much, but i'm still around, and it means so much to me to have people asking how i'm doing, and people caring to listen when i ramble on and on to answer. love y'all.
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jaime
ibs-a (mostly d) // vegetarian
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update (surgery etc) (long...)
