Hey Casey-
I am sorry that you are feeling so low (physically as well as mentally). I can relate to wanting to jump off a bridge when the pain gets particularly bad. There have been times where I think that if the rest of my life has to be like it is when the pain is very bad, continuous and seemingly never-ending, that I rather end it all now. I mean, who wants to live like that, right? But here's the thing, as bad as the pain can be at times, or in this case, all the time, it does not feel as bad as your loved ones would if you did end up jumping off a bridge...
From reading some of your past emails, I gather that you do not eat enough. You may very well eat frequently throughout the day, but that does not mean that you are getting enough calories/nutriets, etc.
When you say that you are feeling bad, do you mean that you are not able to go to the bathroom (or are going too much if you are D) or do you mean the pain is so bad? I can tell you right now that you have to eat even when you are not hungry or are in pain. Stick to ff saltine crackers, white rice, oatmeal, etc. for a good 3-4 days (forget the fruits and veggies). When you feel a little better, start incorporating other soluble fiber (sweet potato, cooked carrots, beets, bananas, mangoes, peeled apple, etc.) Once you start feeling even better, then add a small amount of insoluble fiber (and I mean small, at the end of your meal). If you do not do so already, try keeping a journal for the next 2 weeks or so where you write down not only everything that you eat or take and at what times, but whether you have had a bm that day, how much water you consumed, how well or poorly you slept, how you felt mentally, anything out of the ordinary that occurred, if you worked out, etc...to see if there is something that you are possibly missing.
But just as important, if not more, remember that your mental state plays a HUGE role in how your body will feel. I can rarely remember a time when I was in pain, when I was not upset, sad, down, stressed (even if I did not know it). I had a a lot of difficulty believing that my mind could have such an effect on my body...but it does (and I know that eating poorly in college and drinking and having eating disorders did not help my case either). Get as much sleep as you can, pump yourself up mentally by doing things that you enjoy, even if you do not feel 100% and tell yourself that you will feel better (cuz you will). I mean it Casey and I cannot emphasize it enough. Today, and the past while might have been a low point, but there are definitely high ones to come, you just have to make yourself believe it. It's normal to get down about life, we all do, and it's normal to get done about the pain, we all do that too, but you have to remember that this is only temporary and that you can and will get better.
I have been doing the hypno tapes and feel that they are helping me. I also stopped taking my birth control and think that helps too. I take a walk after every morsel of foon I eat, even if only up and down the hall. I excercise everyday and drink plenty of water (which I know you do too). I take 2 fibercon 3xs/day, and take 2 digestive enzymes and 1 pep pill before every meal.
If you ever want to talk about anything (either IBS related or not) please do not hesitate to email me...I'll be here if you want to chat.
Good luck and try as much as you can to keep your spirits high. Know that as much as it does not feel like it sometimes, you are not alone in this.
Sara
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Re: A question about stability
