Hi Julie,
Have you sought out a therapist to help you with your state of mind. Half the battle is a good attitude and a will to find what works for you and implement those steps. Sometimes, it is very difficult when you are in pain and you look about, and it seems everyone else is enjoying their life.
You must get your head in the right place before you are going to see any improvement. If you can't afford someone to talk to, can you talk to clergy, a very good friend, a guidance counselor (if you are still in school), etc. Someone to lend an ear who can help you. We on this board can listen and offer help, but you must be in the right place mentally to work at feeling better. (Also, I doubt many of us are professional therapists)
I feel your pain. But, please talk to someone if you can, and make all the effort you can to implement the ideas and suggestions the good people on this board offer you.
You seem very young and in such pain, not only physically but mentally and emotionally. I really feel you need to find a professional close to your area who will listen.
Be Well!!
Lynn 
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Re: well i just dont no what to do any more
