I have 2 children ages 9 and 4. They almost never want to eat what I cook. The only thing is that I AM THE COOK. They have to eat what is in front of them. I'm not a short order cook. I make one meal. The rule is they have to take one bite of everything. If they don't like it fine, they don't have to eat it. If they are hungry later, they can have their unfinished dinner or nothing. I know this sounds harsh but there are so many people who don't get to eat the wondereful, organic, healthy, home made meals that I make. (Like me when I was a child. There were seven of us total and there wasn't enough to go around.) There are nights that I make what they want. (spagitti, chicken nuggets, salads-I would love to eat these but they are the death of me. PB&J, pizza, fish sticks.) I usually just eat left overs. They are getting better and better about not whinning about what there is to eat. One thing that helps is when they help me out. My son-9 will help measure, pour and mix. My daughter-4 helps set the table, put out condiments, breads and when I'm up to it help me bake. (Today we made banana-coconut muffins.)
I had a friend who's child was complaining about everything on the table. So she said fine for one week you have to make everything. Her daughter ate lots of PB&J, cereal, toast and hot dogs. She doesn't complain that much anymore. Another idea is to have your children cook dinner or lunch once a week. (You said you have a 12yr old but you didn't say how old your others are.) Try to let them make what they want with the exception that it has to be safe for you to eat. Make them find the recipe, check the pantry/fridge to see what is needed, write the list, take them shopping, have them pay for it (with your money), bring in the bags, put the food away, do the prep work, and cook/bake it. Maybe they will see how much time and effort is put into making dinner. When I go to the store and my son wants something that isn't on my list he has to buy it with his own money. He used to ask for something every 30 seconds. We would tell him no. He would still ask. So we told him that the next trip he could get what ever he asked for. Only he would have to pay for it out of his allowance. He bought over 30 dollars of junk and we made him pay us back. Now he is very careful about what he buys. He didn't know the value of a dollor and that helped him understand that we can't always get everything we ask for. You could try something similar for the stuff they feel they are missing out on.
It sounds as if your husband adding to the problem. If the kids see their dad giving you trouble then they will also. I'm glad that he is comming around to your condition though. My husband tries to be nice by getting/making dinner once and a while but he almost always gets something that I can't have. He just doesn't think about it. He's very space-y. I hope I didn't sound to preachy for ya. And ya know they still complain; they are kids. They test their limits. That is just what they do. Maybe some of this will give you an idea. Good Luck.
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Crohns, lactose intolerant
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