Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Re: I'm getting much worse..

I completely understand you. But for everyone who wanted an update, I just returned from my friend's house and this hasn't helped me at all. I have never been this bad before. I am not entirely sure what I should do. Every night I tell myself: "I will start the diet tomorrow!" But I can't seem to find the determination anymore. I used to be so optimistic about it. But now..
I also seem to be in a perpetual mindless state. Like I am dreaming all the time, as if things around me aren't actually happening. I can't say that I am suicidal, but I have thought about it more seriously then I ever have. It's the determination I desperately need!!! But I feel like it's impossible to find. Like I have strained every final existing strand of motivation from my previous attempts to get well.
Well, I know for a fact that before I go to bed tonight I will tell myself that I will start the diet over again tomorrow. But I honestly doubt that I will find the will to actually do it.
I also need to tell my boyfriend tonight, that I am depressed. I can't be in denial about it anymore. I think I am going to ask him to take a 'break,' which is really going to hurt him. It would break my heart, but I feel too numb and dense to fully comprehend my actions anyway.
I really hope I will snap out of this soon...

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