Hi Lucille, and welcome! 
When you say a "flare-up" - do you mean D? With lots of peppermint tea, some SFS, hot pack, rest, and immodium if needed etc. I can usually be feeling better in a few hours.
"Stabilizing" is another story - when most people say they are "stable" on these boards it means that they can lead a normal life, i.e. not IBS symptom free, but more or less. That takes a lot longer. For me, it's taken about a year. Others it takes less, others more.
If you're losing weight, make sure you're eating enough. I know if I'm having trouble with filling my gut up too much (i.e. that awful full feeling) I decrease the amount I eat at each meal but also decrease the time between meals and increase the number of meals each day... for me, that means I eat a small meal every 2 hrs or so. But please make sure you're eating enough. Especially if you're D; if you're still getting a lot of attacks, then you're losing lots of nutrients and energy by those attacks. So make sure you're getting enough food. Eat lots of the safe SF foods - those can help you gain weight. Also if you're in a dangerous place re: an unhealthy weight right now, sugar can help you gain and is safe for IBS.
Hope that answers your question...
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