Lyrae,
Love your sense of humor. Veddy veddy dry, like mine. Hope that you're feeling better today. Trigger foods are tricky, but the Eating for IBS book should give you a great head start on figuring those out. I find that when I nail at least ten people daily with rubber bands I start to feel relief. Oh, and always remember to keep a positive attitude. It may not work all the time, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Here's for a laugh:
Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. The men thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world.
With a poof! the wish was granted. All of a sudden, one of the men got really angry.
"Dammit! Now we have to piss in the boat!"
And another (one of my faves...)
A man and his wife are awoken at 3 o'clock in the morning by a knock on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a stranger is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He closes the door and returns to bed.
"Who was it?" asks his wife.
"Just a stranger asking for a push" he answers.
"Did you help him? she asks.
"No I didn't -- it's three in the morning"
"Well you've got a short memory" says his wife, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us?. I think you should help him."
The man does as he is told and returns to the front door and calls out into the dark "Hello -- are you still there?"
"Yes", comes the answer.
"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband
"Over here on the swing" the man replies.
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~jules
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