hey--i had *the worst* attack @ work today and had so much gas and it sucked b/c i was moving around so much that i didnt really have time to feel like crap--but i do! if i eat really small amounts, then my body can digest nicely, but the very teeniest second that i eat one little morsel too much of food, its like a system overload! and i get gas--sometimes really bad gas and i dont want anyone to know about it, so i never get rid of it unless im all by myself--which at my job?is hard as freaking hell. i try to let a teeny bit out but then all of it wants to come out and i cant do that. i know thats bad but what else can i do? if im at work around so many people? ive noticed that i am so C, that its as if the only time i have a BM is when my body is SO full of food that it just *has* to get rid of some  my stomach right now is all knoted and twisted up like a dishrag and i discovered thats why i was so sick this past week! b/c i was so constipated  i wanna cry. this is so unfair!!! why does it never seem to get better? when is it my turn to get better???  *tears* i have 2 dulcolax's left and as much as i hate taking them--i feel i have no other choice. if i had progressed some this week with my BMs, id rather continue with the C until it works itself out, but i dont feel thats gonna happen anytime soon. i have not been stressing about anything like i usually do--and actually i have been having alot of fun. everything in my life feels light, except for my tummy which feels permanately stretched to a 3rd-trimester shape the more i think about it, the more i think solving it would be better with "just a little something to nibble.." to go along with my thought. but it always turns into more. i make good food choices but when others are eating i so badly want to ditch my ibs and eat like a little kid, sometimes i do. i feel like i go thru waves with food and right now its kicking my @$$--im sorry for venting such a long post--but everyone here only understands the frustration of this wretched annoying disorder. thanks *alot* for reading this, i just wanted to get it off my chest and i knew this would be the right place to do so *sigh*
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VEGAN ASHLEY~IBS/C
www.myspace.com/dutchflowers
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beyond repair
