Well IBS and anxiety are both things that can be controlled! So keep your chin up.
I've had great success with a-d's, but you might find that an anti-anxiety med might suit you better. Have a talk to your doc about all the options.
Also, with IBS, it is very helpful and also good for your relationship, to get your partner working with you. Cooking together, finding places you can go to and things you can do together, etc.
I hope some of this helps. I'm not very good at reading lots on a computer screen, so I might have missed something in your post! So reply back and we'll see how we can help.