Butter/margarine can be replaced with a vegan soy margarine, but please be advised that it's still pure fat, and since fat is an IBS trigger, you should use it VERY sparingly.
If your wife is in the middle of a flare up, she should probably stay away from things like tomato sauce. Tomato sauce is safe for a lot of us, but usually once we're stable. There are safe salad dressings, but she should DEFINITELY not be eating salad. Salad is difficult for even a perfectly stable IBS'er to digest... it's an absolute "no" for someone in the middle of a flare.
Soy milk is safe, but if she's never had it before, she should start very slowly with it, as soy can be gassy. There are soy-based cheese substitutes as well, but they do contain dairy derivatives, so if she's very sensitive to dairy, she might be better off learning to live without cheese.
Is she specifically looking for something to put on pasta? If so, I'll try to find some of our discussions on this in the past... you could also try a board search. We've definitely tossed around a lot of good ideas in the past. 
As for drinks... I'm not sure what to suggest. Herbal teas and water are the only absolutely safe drinks. Cranberry juice is the only fruit juice that's considered safe, but the acidity can be a problem for some. She could maybe try it diluted with water first. Also, a good herbal tea that tastes a lot less like twigs and leaves  is redbush or rooibus tea. Twinings sells a good one that your supermarket should have. I drink mine with a spoon of sugar and a splash of vanilla rice milk, and it's quite tasty.
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Re: Suggested Drinks and spreads?
