Hi Eric!
I'm only going to be of limited help, I'm afraid - I don't know anything about those medications, and I also don't know anything at all about ulcerative colitis and whether or not the two go "hand in hand" as the doctor said. For more information specific to the colitis, you might want to post this message on the "Crohn's and Colitis" board - it doesn't get very much traffic compared to the IBS boards, so you might have to wait a while for a reply, but when you do get a reply, it's more likely to be a knowledgeable one. 
I can tell you that it definitely won't hurt - and can only potentially help! - for her to follow the Eating for IBS diet guidelines, to see if there's any improvement. You don't need to wait for the book; everything you need to know to get started is right here on the site, here. It sounds like you've already read a lot of what's on the site... it's good that she's taking Benefiber, but she could also try increasing that *slowly*. She might also want to try peppermint tea or capsules - they're just about the best antispasmodic there is, and if she has any cramping at all, it will help.
A lot of us have been greatly helped by antidepressants. There's a definite mind-gut connection with IBS. I know she had a bad experience with Paxil, but not every medication works the same with everyone, and it's possible that another might work much better for her. I'm not saying she should run back to the doctor and demand a different AD, it's just something to keep in mind. I know I'd be lost without my Lexapro. It hasn't been a cure, but it's been a huge help. Between it and Heather's diet, I can leave the house again!
Good luck! I hope you find a better GI, and definitely keep us posted on how she's doing!
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