sorry if this post doesn't belong in this board
but I figure I normally post in this board
Anyway, since I've gotten IBS I've really had less tolerance for, to put it simply, the stuff that I hate. It seems like in a few ways I'm just a different person.
So here's a [long] background story to the decision I'm making now
I've been playing the trumpet since 5th grade, and since I started, I was really good at it. 6th grade on, I did my county's 'all county band,' where basically you tryout, get rated, and if you're in [for trumpets] the top 20 of your age group, you get in.
So I didn't really mind it up until 9th grade or so. In 10th grade, I moved up to a higher level band, and the rehearsals went from 3 hours to 5 hours. Thats really the point when I was doing it for a college resume, because 5 hour rehearsals on an endurance instrument (i.e. trumpet) completely sucks
So in the last tryout for this band, I got a perfect score on the hardest level solo. Since I got a perfect score, I was accepted into both the county band and the state band.
The county band happened a while ago. Like in November. Whenever it was, it was when my medical problems were surfacing. It was a shame too, I was first seat and had a solo.
In addition to getting IBS, I developed TMJ from grinding my teeth, which causes headaches, especially after a lot of trumpet playing.
Well, in december, my IBS got worse, I had lost 6 pounds and that is when my attitude started to change. I stopped caring about school to an extent. I took off a lot of days, and continue to take days off (usually when we're not doing anything important in class). I start realizing how much I hate getting up at 6:50, how much I hate getting in a cold car in the morning, little things like that. And to go through that when most of my teachers are incompetent and unproductive?
My school is a hyper-competitive school. Everyone is in honor societies, everyone doing [censored] for their college resumes. I've come to dislike a few people in my own competitive spirit. For example, one of my friends is a blatant cheater. He admits to it, everybody knows it, he cheats on every single thing he can. What torments me is that he does better than me, but I'm smarter. Even though I'm taking very hard classes, my new attitude has made me work less and less. And, by the way, I found out from my guidance counselor that I'm ranked #6 in my class. It really disappointed me, because I was shooting for top 3. I've come to resent people who work hard, because I just can't handle the stress of that, and I know if I could, I would be at the top.
So that's my background. I guess it will make things real when you read my problem. Now, in March, I'm signed up to be in the state band. This would be the peak of any student's music career. It is a great honor, and I even have my picture on the band room bulletin board. There is only one problem; I am going to hate doing it. It is taking a 4 hour train ride, playing the trumpet for 3 days nonstop, and going home, being greeted by a Monday morning. On top of the fact that I hate travel and playing the trumpet for more than an hour a day, I have IBS and TMJ. That means I could get a terrible headache, or diarrhea from crappy hotel food, or who knows.
My IBS, by the way, is getting better, for those of you who have followed my post. Its either a week of hypnosis or two weeks of no fructose, but I feel great. The thing is, even if my IBS and everything cleared up, I still wouldn't want to participate in this band that I wanted to get in to at the beginning of the year. Keep in mind, I still would not like doing it, but I would to it mainly for my college resume.
As I'm typing this, if I could press a button to erase all history of me applying to the state band, I'd do it in a heartbeat. The only thing that's stopping me from un-signing up is my band teacher.
I already un-signed up for the county band earlier this year, and declined going on a trip to Virginia beach with my school band because of my IBS. Well, as I mention, I hate that stuff anyway.
I guess what is story shows is how my IBS has pushed me over the edge. I have crossed the boundary from disliking certain activities to refusing to partake in them. Maybe this will make me a happier person, in the long run, or maybe it will just give me less tolerance for unhappiness.
Thanks for reading
Edited by mcem222 (01/26/09 04:00 PM)
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IBS has changed my attitude on things (a thoughtful and long post about my life)
