BL---
#92172 - 07/21/04 06:45 PM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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i'm sorry it went poorly. for just a tiny bit of perspective: the worst thing about bipolar patients is that they are always wanting to stop their meds ( understandably! i'm not judging, just telling you what i've read over and over again). once they're feeling better, they want to try a vacation, like you did. unfortunately some of them never want to go back on and get worse, so you can see why the docs don't want you to do that. they don't want to "lose" you.
also, if it helps you remember why you should stay on the meds: you can cycle faster and harder if you go off and on the meds. every time you stop, you speed up the progression of the disease. if that's not something i'd write and hang up in the medicine cabinet as a reminder, i don't know what is!  
i understand that apparently some of the meds for bipolar can be rough? that's what i've heard. please, please, give your doc another chance. (not something i usually advocate!) i am assuming you're going back on the meds? i hope you are. see what you think of him at your next appointment. sometimes it's nice to have a little less touchy-feely going on when it comes to meds plans- those docs don't pull punches because they believe so strongly in their medications they've prescribed. that can be good or bad but you need a little time to figure out which one this dude is.
hope you're feeling well...
*j
ps: in case you are wondering, i was diagnosed as bipolar for a little while in my 20s but it turned out that it was a misdiagnosis. it was medicine-induced. my body reacted very strongly to a combination they were giving me and i got kinda low-grade manic which alternated with the depression that they were originally trying to treat (Prozac and Ritalin and i are not friends!  ). when i stopped the various meds i was on the mood cycling stopped and never came back (though i do have depression issues). that probably explains why the stupid meds they put me on for the bipolar kicked my a** hard and didn't work a bit on the cycling. anyway, that's why i have read a lot about the disease.
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Thanks for your replies. I appreciate your concern.
I'm trying.
I did start the medicine back up after leaving the doctor's office, but I'm already hating it. I woke up this morning feeling like I have a hangover. It makes me so drowsy that I can't function unless I have at least 1, if not 2, Diet Cokes after breakfast. That's how that Diet Coke habit started! If I didn't drink them, I would be in a funk all day. (I have to take the medicine morning and night.)
I am taking a very low dose of this mood stabilizer. The doc just says I'm very sensitive to meds. I always react differently from the norm---meds that make most people sleepy, such as Nyquil, Benadryl, Tylenol PM, make me so hyper!!! And antidepressants make me manic too, so I can't take those.
Wish there was a happy medium, but I've tried everything and haven't found anything that makes me feel "normal." I either feel drugged---or extremely hyper. That's my frustration.
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At the risk of sounding like a huge whiner, I will share this. I can't even write this without crying. I can't believe I'm having these problems at age 45. I feel like I have the body of a 90-year-old.
In the past year, my weight gain has ballooned to almost 200 lbs. I hate the way I look--- and I feel terrible, but for the first time in my life, I feel unable to control it. It is the result of a combination of things---
the medicine I have to take for bipolar, my IBS, and problems I am having with my feet.
I've always been a big exerciser, accustomed to walking 2 hours a day and also lifting weights. Because of my IBS problems, I cannot walk in my neighborhood (can't be away from a bathroom) So we joined the Y. Then I started having unbelievable problems with my feet hurting---even walking on the carpet in my house is painful!
A podiatrist diagnosed 2 structural problems with my feet. Custom orthodic inserts made for my athletic shoes helped for awhile, but now even those cause a sharp, shooting pain in my foot that keeps me awake many nights! The doctor's suggestion: take Celebrex for the inflammation---which causes WEIGHT GAIN!
I NEED TO EXERCISE, but how? I cannot work out at the Y in my bare feet, nor can I wear my athletic shoes with my orthodics without pain. What am I supposed to do, exercise in my slip-on sandals??? (The treadmill is not an option.)
I've spent most of my time lately at home, just enjoying my boys and reading. Which leads to my next problem~
Lately, while reading, the page goes blurry after 10-15 minutes. (with my prescription glasses on.) I was in tears the other night when my husband came home because I could not read the novel I had started.
I thought maybe the bipolar medicine was affecting my eyesight---- so that's one reason why I stopped it. After a month off of it, I'm still having problems with my eyesight, so I'm going to see the eye doctor next week.
Why is my body failing me at age 45? This is ridiculous!
No wonder my stomach is in knots!
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You don't sound like a whiner to me. You're frustrated, and understandably so. Hell, I get twice as frustrated at half the aggravation... so I'd say you're doing pretty good for the situation you're finding yourself in!
I don't have a whole lot of suggestions to offer... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. 
A quick question, though: if you don't mind sharing, what meds are you on for the bipolar? A dear friend of mine is bipolar as well, and I watched her struggle for YEARS on different medications and combinations thereof that really just did a number on her. I don't know what she's on now, but it's working out great - I could ask her for any input on your situation, if you like.
Oh - an exercise suggestion - have you tried yoga? I have Cyndi Lee's OM Yoga in a Box, it's an audio CD program with flash cards to show you the poses. I had my doubts, but it works out VERY well; watching a TV during a yoga program is too distracting. I'm suggesting it because there are a lot of poses that are done sitting or in other non-standing positions that might be a lot easier on your poor feet! And let me tell you, it IS a workout - I couldn't even get through the warm-up without breaking a sweat! 
Hang in there, BL!
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Quote:
Then I started having unbelievable problems with my feet hurting---even walking on the carpet in my house is painful!
A podiatrist diagnosed 2 structural problems with my feet. Custom orthodic inserts made for my athletic shoes helped for awhile, but now even those cause a sharp, shooting pain in my foot that keeps me awake many nights! The doctor's suggestion: take Celebrex for the inflammation---which causes WEIGHT GAIN!
I NEED TO EXERCISE, but how? I cannot work out at the Y in my bare feet, nor can I wear my athletic shoes with my orthodics without pain.
OK, this so-o-o doesn't fix a lot, but you have to be barefoot to do yoga. Does your local Y have yoga classes? Yoga also helps with IBS, so doing that along with the IBS diet might help you taper down the IBS drugs at least.
When it rains, it pours, huh? Take care of yourself as you climb this mountain...and hope you reach the top soon.
--AC
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STAY ON YOUR MEDS... It's very important.. Try diff. kinds until you find one that helps. My Mother was bipolar-manic depressive for yrs and yrs and yrs. We were always trying to get her head screwed on right. (Sorry for humor) But humor was our best friend thru 100 yrs of Mother and her problems. You pay your dr. he/she works for you, make them help you or get another one.
I hope you find some relief. I do understand. I think I could write a book on it. I grew up with a Mother who was sick all my life. I f you remember I have talked to you before on here. Be strong and be tough and don't give up. I t is very frustrating. Mother would go off her meds and then she would get so manic and or depressed she would have to be hospitalized. GEt your loved ones to help you if you can. Sorry you are having such a bad time, it will get better.
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-----Marilyn-----
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Exercise for BL?
#92261 - 07/22/04 08:48 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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BL, my body started acting up on me when I turned 50. I also can't seem to lose weight, despite all my efforts. I know what you're talking about.
I used to run and loved racquetball, but I tore the cartilege in my right knee and damaged it even more by continuing to run anyway, taking shots to relieve the pain. Finally, I had to have surgery to remove all the cartilege. The doctor warned me never again to run, jog, do racquetball, tennis, NOTHING, no impact or load-bearing at all -- EVER. (I only have scar tissue as cushioning in my knee, between my bones, no cartilege at all.)
I took up rowing. There is no impact on my knee or my feet at all; all my weight is on my butt during the entire workout. Same would be true for cycling. I can bike ride with no problems.
It sounds like cycling might be too painful for your feet, but I doubt that rowing would. Can you invest in a rowing machine? I row with only a pair of socks on.
Alternatively, have you considered pilates? It's practically all floor work, and it's a helluva workout!
BL, please don't let this get you down. I know how you feel, because I've been there. I still miss my running, and when my friend tells me about her racquetball tournaments, it hurts. But I discovered rowing, which I enjoy even more than either of those sports. You can do the same, you just have to keep at it. You might discover pilates and become really great at it -- or (even better) I might convince you to get into rowing, which is a LOT of fun. I row to a videotape of an eight on the Charles River, and it feels like I'm right in that boat, rowing with the other 7 Olympic champions -- the exercise is over before I realize it, and when I climb off the rowing machine, I discover I'm dripping in sweat. Then, when I get on the water for real, it's fantastic.
Don't give up! Keep researching; you'll find a sport you like even more than walking and weight-lifting. I promise.
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Casey.....
#92291 - 07/22/04 10:51 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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The medicine I take is Trileptal. It's kind of new in the use for bipolar disorder. Blurred vision is one of the side effects listed, and I know when I upped the dosage, I had double vision (which scared the heck out of me.) When I lowered it, that went away.
So I thought maybe the med itself was causing the blurred vision, but after a month off of it, I still have blurred vision after 10-15 minutes of reading. Hopefully, this new eye doctor will figure this out.
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Two great things to share---
The woman from the IBS research center at the University of North Carolina called to say they finally received my medical records from both of my doctors here. (I guess that crying and screaming yesterday got through to my doctor! Ha! See, being nice doesn't work!) So now the head of the clinic---who has specialities in gastro and psychiatry---will review them and let me know if he thinks he can help me. Wonder if he treats hurting feet too?
And also, our son is tied for the lead in a prestigious junior golf tournament being played here in town. He shot a 68 yesterday---and hopefully, he will do as well today to win the thing!!!! That would be great since this is his senior year in high school and he'd love to play golf in college. A top three placing in this tournament might get him consideration from some college coaches. Keep those fingers crossed!
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Bev
#92297 - 07/22/04 11:02 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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Thanks for the suggestions. You gals are giving me things to consider that I never thought about.
But rowing? I don't know about that. I have almost zero upper body strength. I will have to check into that.
And Pilates---I've heard of that, but I'm really not familiar with it. What's it like? Maybe the Y offers classes in that.
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