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Well I did have to have my parents there. If they weren't present I don't think I could have. 
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Barbara!
#89741 - 07/14/04 07:51 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Barbara, you and Jen both should be commended for your courage and wise decisions. Thank you SOOO much for giving life to this young lady AND giving her a comfortable home. Just think of what might have happened to her had you not been so loving and considerate.
I hope that "disclosing" your secret has given you some relief; It's been extremely cathartic for me -- yesterday I was emotionally drained with a feeling of lightness, like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Allowing others to see your weakness AND strength makes you more human -- more approachable -- in everyone's eyes, but it also shows others how much you've gone through in your life. I have tremendous respect for what both you and Jen have done. If I were your young 27 year-old, I would want to meet you and thank you.
You asked, "what would they think?" I can tell you, they'd think you're an incredible woman.
Thank you for sharing!
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Re: Barbara!
#89761 - 07/14/04 08:13 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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I agree with Bev. Everyone makes mistakes. Now don't beat yourself up about it. You did what was best for your baby---and that was a very courageous thing to do. Look at the life you gave her---when she was born and when you gave her a loving home. I can't imagine how hard that was, but what a wonderful thing to do! Just imagine the joy and love you brought to this couple who wanted so badly to have a family.
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Re: Barbie
#89888 - 07/14/04 10:42 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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I know how hard it must be to watch your neice be so destructive to herself. I have been in that self destruct mode. I'm sure you read my "secret." The only advice I can offer is to keep letting her know you are there and care for her no matter what. Unfortunately, there probably isn't a lot anyone can do for her until SHE decides she is ready to change and ready for help. If she truely does have a mental condition, such as manic depresive or something, than she probably needs meds to help control that. Otherwise, she has to decide she is ready to change. I have had friends in that kind of situation as well as being there myslef, and that decidion had to come from within. You can send someone to "rehab" or an "institution" but ultimitaley, she has to want to get better.
Just keep reasurring her that you are there when she is ready and you will help her and won't judge her no matter what. A lot of people are too ashamed of what others are going to think of them, afraid they will be looked down upon for the bad decisions they have made. As frustrating as it is, the best thing I think you can do is just let her know you will always love her no matter what and you are there when she is ready for help. I truely hope she realizes how much she is loved!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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As you probably know I went through the 'major depression' somewhat different from manic but still severe depression. One night I went to a friend of the families house and I was so upset that even she didn't know what to do. She called her friend who is a social worker. The social worker was also a friend of mine named Lynda. Lynda came in the door and I will never forget what she said. She said come here and give me a hug and I did. I just clung to her. She said you just need LOVE Davina and that is all. I was convinced I needed to be in a mental institution it was so bad at times and this woman said you just need someone to show you they love you. I stopped crying and felt a lot better. The depression continued and I got meds for it and dealt the best way I could. But I will NEVER forget my reaction once she showed me that LOVE. So Michele is right. I could see the fear in my other friends eyes when she called her friend to help me. I could tell she was at a loss for words and she had always helped me before. When she couldn't help, I paniced. LOVE works when everything else fails and I know from experience!
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~Wookie 
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Depression
#89934 - 07/14/04 11:55 AM
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peaches
Reged: 09/28/03
Posts: 1183
Loc: Fort Wayne, Indiana
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I also have been diagnosed with depression, and I'm on Paxil. It's not for anything that I've done or anything like that. It's just everything about my life and all that just built up and then about a year ago I kind of lost it and went into depression. I think I'm back on track now, and I'm a lot stronger.
SO that's why my deep, dark secret isn't anything I've done. It's basically what I WISH would have happened. Bz's story kind of reminded me of it, I guess. But I jsut thoguht I'd add on with the depression thing. Anyone else on Paxil?
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It comes down to the art of living on [color/red]
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Thanks for the words of wisdom. It helps to know that others understand what I am going through...It is very stressful for me to see what my niece is going through and I try to be there for her as much as I can. Sometimes, though, she doesn't want help from anybody and just wants to be suffer alone. That's the times it is tough on me and causes me a lot of stress. She does have a new case worker now that I think will really be helpful. And if she takes her meds like she is supposed to (very hard to do) I think things might get better. We are just taking it one day at at time and hope for the best.
Barbie
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Okay, so I've been reading all these posts the past few days and you are all so amazing and I, like the others have said, am honored to "know" you all. I kept thinking that I don't have a deep dark secret at 26 and that maybe I was boring, but then I had a dream last night. I think I've written about my brother before. He is 22 and diagnosed as severely mentally retarded. He doesn't talk and to me, its kind of normal just because I've grown up with him like that, so its just how it is. We love him more than life itself and my parents and grandmother are so amazing with the both of us. I guess though that I always wondered what it would be like if he was normal and in my dream last night, I had taken him somewhere and I was embarrassed by him and was so mad at myself and just kept crying and yelling at him even though its not his fault. I guess it sounds kinda silly because I've been in plenty of situations where people just look at you funny or make a comment and it never really bothered me because I would just make a comment back and be defensive. I know I'm rambling, but the dream just came out of nowhere and I always wanted to go to a sibling support group, but never had any luck finding one. Anyway, I never really discuss my brother with any of my friends, but I thought I would feel better writing about it and I do. Thanks for listening!!!
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Things happen for a reason...just believe
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That is the medication I was on when I was about your age, beofre that zoloft. I also took clonopin (generic for Zanax) for a little while. My doc took me off of it due to the addictive side effects. The paxil I took myself off of. I rather work through my problems without drugs now, and I seem to do allright. I do not look down on anyone that takes them, though, they can be helpful. or they can hurt, depending on the person.
But, with how messed up your mind gets when it is depressed it is hard to tell.
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-Sheri
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How old are you if you don't mind me asking? The depression hit me at age 23 and has lifted at 27. My dr. said it could return at any time or may never return again. It is a mystery. The first pill I tried was paxil. I took it at night and this is no lie, Peaches..I couldn't see my reflection in the mirror the next morning and had to call in to work for the day. It is a reaction some folks have and I just happened to be one of them. Zoloft worked best for me out of all the ones that I tried but just a few months ago I got way super depressed. Stopped the meds and I am doing really well. But when I needed the meds I took them faithfully. In fact, it took my mom talking me into just giving it a go one time. I am glad I took her advice! I then thought I had PMDD (super bad PMS) because I would feel like I was losing my mind every 2 weeks before my period. I started taking estroven at night and in a couple of months I was not showing near as many symptoms. Well I wish you the best and if you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to holla!
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~Wookie
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