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~Wookie 
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Davina
#89537 - 07/13/04 03:37 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Bless you! What a story. I'm just blown away. How did you survive all this, and come out as well as you have?!
I said this in a previous post in this thread, but it bears repeating. It's no WONDER we have IBS!
Davina (I love that name), do you prefer we call you Doe?
I want to say how sorry I am that you and your mom and grandma had to go through this. It's horrible, just horrible -- but you were NOT responsible for grandma's suicide, don't even go there. I think she was trying to tell you that in her last sentence.
God bless!
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Been reading the posts the last day or so and have only one thing to say and that is: every time I see your pic come up I think geez she looks like such a classy looking lady and after hearing your story I want you to know that I still think that!
I guess that I must lead a pretty boring life (which sometimes in this case could be good)cause I could not come up with a single dark secret. The pathetic thing is the only thing that comes to mind is that every time I go grocery shopping and it's time to buy that big, huge, darn dog food bag, I stick it at the bottom of my cart and purposely don't tell the check out girl that I have it. Saves me $16 each time. Don't think I've paid for dog food in years. Now how sad it that! Hope the grocery police aren't reading the threads!
Anyway, the courage and bravery of all who did post their real dark secrets deserve metal of honors! My heart goes out to each and everyone who opened up some terrible pasts!
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Thank You, BL
#89546 - 07/13/04 03:54 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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What a story! Amazing. Thank you for sharing it. I hope it gave you some relief. I know sharing mine gave me a LOT.
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Spring of my freshman year of college, I felt like my world was falling apart. I was constantly getting sick (undiagnosed IBS I later found out), I was eating 1 meal a day, I was down to 85 lbs (I'm 5'4"). I had cheated on my boyfriend with a good friend of mine and began dating that friend, which blew up in my face, but not because of my boyfriend. My friend's very possessive ex-girlfriend, who was also a friend of mine, made my life a living hell, and made me feel like I was the worst person in the world for being with my friend. We ended up breaking up because we couldn't handle dealing with her. My father had been in a serious car accident earlier that year, and was very different due to the pain and the meds (I've always been a daddy's girl and very close to my dad). I was very lost and lonely, and took to taking walks to an old bridge in Philly and sitting on the ledge of one of the pillars. I almost jumped the one night, decided it wasn't worth it anymore. I was also cutting myself, slashing the hell out of my lower legs with a pair of scissors and then shaving my legs to make it hurt worse (basically I felt like I had to punish myself). The only thing that stopped me from jumping was the though of my youngest brother, who I'm close to and who it would devastate if something happend to me. I couldn't do that to him. I managed to pull my life back together once I moved back home for the summer a few weeks later. I no longer really speak to either the friend I had cheated on my boyfriend with, nor his ex-girlfriend. My boyfriend and I got back together that summer, but broke up later that year due to just personality differences. I still struggle with cutting sometimes. I have twice since that spring, but the last time was last November. There are times I still want to, but my current boyfriend and my best friend know about the past two times, and it hurts them when I hurt myself, so that's the main thing that keeps me from doing it. My parents don't know, and I don't think I could ever tell them. I actually started cutting when I was in high school because my mother was very emotionally and physically abusive (and refused to admit it, anytime anyone suspected I was abused, I was lying according to my mom and my dad, though my dad never touched me). whew, enough for now...
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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I have just now been able to read some of the secrets from today. I just want to say that I can't believe some people can be so MEAN and hurt other people. I feel for all of you that have been abused. That is so sad. 
And I can't post to everybody but I just wanted YAWL to know that I was thinking about you. I admire all of you for the good people you turned out to be in spite of all of these horrible things that have happened.
Also, all of you that have had depression, etc., I have been exposed to this in my own family. My niece is manic/depressive and also has a drug problem. I can't count the number of times she was taken by ambulance because she cut herself up or had seizures from withdrawal. I am having a very hard time dealing with that...mainly because she doesn't seem to want any help. It is very frustrating for me.
Whew!!! Now, I am going to read the "funny names" for everybody and have a good laugh.
Barbie
PS: I feel like a wet noodle today.....tired from no sleep and working all day... OH ME (sigh)
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Kimm:
#89588 - 07/13/04 06:35 PM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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Now I am crying ! That is so sad, I am so happy that you were woman enough at such a young age to be there for your brother. I am sure you are the most important person to him, and possibily the best thing that ever happened to him. I know all about going back to abusive family members, and then them turning on you again. Not quite to that extreme.
Big hug for you- you are just another example of someone who has come out stronger than before from going through so much.
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-Sheri
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Doe
#89589 - 07/13/04 06:41 PM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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Davina is such a pretty name! I am not exactly sure how to pronounce it, though  I think I have the idea
Thank you for sharing, I find that amazing that someone can have the forgiveness in them that you do. I am happy for you that you still have your mom.
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-Sheri
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beaglelover
#89591 - 07/13/04 06:51 PM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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Hey,
I know what you are going through... I have been battling depression since i was in the third grade. it runs in my family. My mother can get really bad, and still does. Some people that do not experience it truly do not understand, I beleive.
I am so happy that you have been able to work through it, and hope you can stay off meds. ( I have been med free for years, even though I was only on them on and off for a couple)
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-Sheri
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