Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Your Deepest, Darkest Secret?

When I was 6 years old, I was molested by my mom's boyfriend. He told me if I told my mom that he would kill her and I believed that. I will spare most details but I remember after he would molest me he would make me take a bath and then spank me while I was wet. I told myself that I would never tell unless I was asked because I wouln't lie. My mom and I lived with him out of state. I always hated him even before he did what he did to me. I think I just had to have sensed his evil because I didn't know what hate was at age 6. As a child, I was an excellent artist. I drew a picture of a poison bottle and a guy was drinking it. I took it to my mother and said isn't this pretty mommy? She said what is this Davina (that is my name-doe is my nickname). So I told her it was David (the man who molested me) dying. My mom was very disturbed and asked me who drew it, I said, I did. She almost couldn't believe it b/c the drawing looked as if an adult drew it. I vaguley remember drawing the picture. She packed up a suit case and we left for the airport. Unfortunatly, he met us at the pay phone and held a gun to my mom's side. We had to go back with him. After months later, we were successful at escaping. Once I was back home, I was caught playing 'nasty' with my neighbor friend. We were both the same age. I have great guilt today because of my actions. I am just getting to the point to realize I didn't know any better. Once we were caught, my grandma asked me if David ever touched me. I said yes. She told my mother. My mother pulled me in a room and told me to never lie like that again. I told her it was true and then she told me that I was lieing. We were living with my mom's little brother at this time. David found us and one night he crawled in our window. My mom called for my unlce and my uncle went ahead and pulled him inside the house and beat him with a bat. Then threw him out in the yard and called the police. Months later, he was still in a body like cast. My mom moved me around to several schools growing up. Once I ended up going to school with David's kids. They knew me and I knew them but we never acted as if we did. I don't know if they knew or what. I do know I just wanted to forget about all of it. When I was about 12 years old my mom said she had a question. She asked if that was actually true and I said yes. She broke down. Asked me what happened and I told her the specifics. She cried and cried and I comforted her. As a kid, I rarely cried and my mom often thought something was wrong with me. I think that is how I protected myself as a child. I had to be strong so I was! To this day I don't know where David is but I do know he even molested his own little girl. Sometimes I struggle with the pain and find myself trying to find him on the internet to see if he was ever caught. Or looking in the obituaries hoping that he died. A few months after I had came out and told my family, my grandma committed suicide.

My mom and her weren't on good terms at that time. I sometimes have guilt that I was the reason. She did write a suicide letter and didn't mention it though. Her last sentence was, tell Davina she was my favorite. Okay, tears.. The End.

p.s. I am named after my mom's older brother David in case you were wondering.

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~Wookie

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