Help. Mental/physical breakdown. LS? Linz? anyone?
#71021 - 05/17/04 05:02 AM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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ok, i know this isn't a fibro site, but i feel like you guys are my friends and i'm a little freakin' out. i totally lost it this morning. i don't mean to monopolize things with the fibro talks, really i don't, but i'm losing it, here...
as i mentioned before, i didn't make it in to work all week last week. well, i was determined to get there today. we have a new computer system in the office and my supervisor was counting on me to be a lead person on learning it and helping others learn it. training for that started last Wednesday. i've been feeling guilty about not being there, so i was hell-bent on getting to work today.
well, i managed to get up and get a shower this morning before i almost collapsed. this fibro crap is getting worse and worse--- FAST. i know i didn't sleep last night. i think the new medication is at too low a dose. i would "sleep" lightly for about a half an hour, then be awake for a half an hour. this went on ALL NIGHT.
well, i was in the shower and almost fell out of it i was so weak. i couldn't dry my hair. i started crying out of frustration (yes, i've been teary lately, but this is the first crying jag since that doctor's appt. when i lost it. maybe i was due for a pity party. where's the hat!?   ). anyway, i was shaking and weak and hysterically crying. then i got even more stupid and couldn't catch my breath. i almost vomited, i was crying so hard. now, isn't that a tad dramatic!?
so that only went on for a few minutes, but by the end of it i knew i couldn't go into work. i was worn out from the shower, then from the crying. i am not really feeling sorry for myself as much as i am feeling frustrated.
if i sit around all day i can do some knitting for a while. i can watch TV. i can even get a little reading in. but i'm painful (more so than i've ever been before, all over, all the time) and i'm weak. if i have the audacity to use my muscles for something (like to dry my hair, which i had to do sitting down on the toilet with my elbows propped on my knees), i have spaghetti- muscles for hours afterwards. especially not good when that's my legs, 'cause then i feel like i'm going to fall over all the time. sometimes my shoulders are just on fire, and then other times it's my hip. i know this isn't going to kill me. i understand that, but it's really really scary anyway. it's difficult to cope with something as wiley and variable as this. just when you get the heating pad on your shoulder, your knee goes crazy. i don't have enough heating pads! 
i don't mean to whine, really i don't, but LS... Linzy... and everyone who doesn't have fibro but who is so very kind to me all the time... i don't know if i can do this for much longer. i'm really getting demoralized. i feel lazy and weak and frustrated. i am still earning money right now even though i'm home, but if i don't pull it together i'm going to run out of sick time.
i have an appointment with my doctor today, but i dont' know what that's going to do. i'm going to see about getting paperwork done so i can go to work for half-days for a while, but crap, i can't even get in right now. i can't even get through a shower if i don't have a whole night's sleep. a half-day of work, especially learning a new task, just sounds so daunting....
i know i have to take responsibility for myself and my health and not worry about my supervisor and my coworkers needing me to learn this stuff. but i feel responsible for learning this new computer system! and i go through what we all go through--- even with IBS. i look fine. i try to be in a good mood all the time. so i feel like people look at me as lazy or avoiding work because i stay home. well, i don't think the woman who answers the "call in sick" phoneline thinks that, as i called when i was upset and expected her voicemail. when she answered i did that whole start-talking-and-uncontrollably-revert-to-crying thing.  oy vey. i can't be responsible for what others think, and i know that, but still you don't want people to think you're lazy, right? or being overly dramatic. ugh. i can't worry about that, right....?
ARGH. i think i'm going a little nutso.
thanks for letting me vent. as always, you are all the best.
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*MAJOR HUGS*
#71039 - 05/17/04 06:48 AM
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melitami
Reged: 02/23/04
Posts: 1213
Loc: Ewing, NJ, USA (IBS-D, Vegetarian)
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Jen hon, I understand how you feel right now. I'm so exhausted between shaking all the time, and my headaches take a lot out of me, and the stupid prozac I was on this weekend made me even more exhausted. But I feel bad missing so many lectures, and I need to not miss work because I completely support myself and not going into work means not getting paid for me since I have to clock in and out to get paid and it's all automated. But you will get through this, you're an incredibly strong woman, and I'm sure anyone here on the boards will agree with me. Talk to you doctor today, see if maybe you need to get your meds upped, or if there's something else small you could be doing. And if you haven't already, explain what's going on with your boss. Since your work is on the computer a lot, could you maybe talk to him about working from home? Don't give up, Jen, I know it's really hard right now, but you can and will get through this!
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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Hi wonderful Jen,
You are one of the most strongest, compassionate, helpful people on this board.....You can't sink this low  --please, please snap out of it . We are all here pulling for you. Do you have any family that can console you? I have a sister that was severely depressed this weekend and we talked it through and she said it helped her. If you do computer work, can you work from home somehow??? What about going on disability???
I'm glad you are seeing your doctor today. Is he a good doctor for fibro? Have you considered asking your doc about pain pills like Vicodin or Darvocet (I know they are addicting but maybe could get you through the really tough days)??
You are in my thoughts
Barbie
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Jen and all,
Hi. Not a good morning this morning. I made it into work, but I'm sitting here feeling woozy. I had a D attack this morning and my little bum still hurts! I'm dehidrated from it too. I have alot to get done today - so I need to stay here and work - I do that too often - but maybe I won't come in much tomorrow cause I have a doctor's appointment that day. Jen, I know how you feeling about hating to call in. I live in Washington and work for the Congress - everyone here is the defenition of workaholic!!! I really hope you can get your paperwork filed and find a plan that will make things better for you. Also hope your doctor's appointment goes well this week. I hate doctors and I have to go see one tomorrow too. They poke too much and ask questions I don't like answering and generally put me on medication that makes me sick. Does it help at all to take a warm bath - it's a good full body heating pad thing. Always makes me feel better. Just a thought. I'll be praying for everyone today. Thanks for listening.
Min
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Jen,
You poor baby. I am sorry that you are feeling so bad physically and mentally. Good luck at the Dr. today and let us know what he says.
I'll be thinking about you all day.
Hugs,
Janey
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Janey
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Help for SweetPea
#71065 - 05/17/04 08:12 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Oh, sweetheart, what you're going through! Yowza! My heart goes out to you, BIG time!
You're very good at describing your pain. Just do the same with the doctor. Something tells me you'll get a different med or stronger meds than you have. It sounds like that's what you need. Perhaps he wanted to start you out with something mild; now he'll realize you need something stronger.
Jen, please try to stop worrying about what others think. Why do we do that to ourselves? It's just counter-productive. I know that people aren't very sympathetic about IBS, but they ARE about fibro. Oh yeah. I'll bet you anything that everyone at your office is worrying about you BIG time. So stop that worrying about what others think, ya hear me?!
Do you watch "Everyone Loves Raymond"? Did you see the episode in which the wife broke down and cried on the couch while Raymond spied on her from outside the window, shocked, not knowing why she was crying? Turned out she does it because it's very cathartic. You know, she's right. It IS cathartic. First of all, Jen, you have a good reason to cry. Secondly, it helps. Don't you always feel better afterwards? Just GOFERIT!
Please let us know what Doctor JellyFinger says.
SMOOCHES!
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Hi Jen,
I know how hard it can be, when you feel like your letting people down! I know the lazy feeling too. I'm not sure what I have but its very similar to yours. I have the break downs and the crying. I'm not nearly as bad as you with the energy thing. I really feel for you. I know what its like to feel like you cant even take a shower. I wake up and it takes me a good 3 hours before I can do anything that requires much energy.
You need to not worry about work and what others think of you. You need to focus on getting better. You have been through so much. I think you need this time off and less stress. Your work will manage with out you. It would be great if you could find a job that you could work from home.
I'm worried about you and all that you try to do. I hope that something will start working for you. I think you need to take deep breaths and not think about anything else but getting better!
Then try to not think about fibro....I know that's a hard one to do...you feel like *hit!!!! But maybe just not thinking about it will help you relax. I hope you know what I mean about this....I don't want you to take that the wrong way. I cant imagin going through what you are. Its horrible. I really wish there was something magical you could do to feel better!
So those are my suggestions....stay home as long as you have to....take your mind off of everything......read, watch some kick butt movies.....do your knitting!!!! But please dont' worry about others, or your job! You're the most important thing to consentrate on right now!
I feel like I'm rammbeling.I'm a litte foggy today, so please forgive me if I said anything stupid or that didn't make sense!!!
We all love you Jen and want you to know you can talk about Fibro all you want. Were here to support you and incourage you!!!
I hope you get some rest today!
{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
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Jen,
It's going to be okay. You'll get through this. Just take it one day at a time.
Being exhausted after taking a shower is SO normal for fibro. There was just an article in one of the fibro magazines about a (male) doctor who has it, and he said his morning routine is take a shower, lie down for awhile, have breakfast, lie down for a while, get dressed, you guessed it lie down for awhile.
But honestly, a year after my health collapsed, I am doing SO much better. Most days are not too bad anymore. Bad days only last 24 hours now. I also went through the crying uncontrollably phase at first, combined with screaming fights with people. That stopped after about four months once I got caught up enough on my sleep.
There IS hope. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. You are so dedicated and conscientous at work, they are so lucky to have you. And tomorrow you can worry about the new training. Today the best thing you can do for the job AND yourself is REST!!
And I think it's a GOOD thing that the "call-in sick" lady heard you breakdown and cry. What better way to clue her in that you're REALLY SICK!! But you're right, YOU COME FIRST!! Worrying about what other people think of us is not helpful to put it mildly.
Now, you're not being overdramatic. You're being honest. And I can't hold my arms up long enough to blow dry my hair either. I just let it air dry. And as far as whining and feeling "lazy, weak and frustrated," you know what I'm going to say. YOU ARE NOT LAZY, YOU ARE SICK!!! BIG DIFFERENCE!!!! And asking for help is not whining, it's a sign of strength and maturity not weakness. (Okay and maybe a little desperation too!!)
So hang in there girlfriend. This is a totally new thing you're dealing with, and scary. Give yourself time. You'll be okay the same way I'm okay. Okay??!!
Love you.
PS. I'm in fibro flare today too!! And I did the research on the low carb fibro thing and guess what -- we're BOTH right, we're both bloomin' geniuses! Too tired to sum it up today, but I'll post about it tomorrow. SMOOCHIES!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Oh Sweetie, I don't really have any other advice to add, except maybe talk to your dr about a low dose anti depressant. I can not even begin to explain how much better I feel since I went back on my Wellbutrin, maybe something like that would help you too?
I can relate to what you are going through. My mom has severe Lymes and Fibro, along with IBS. She is one of the rare people that anti biotics didn't cure her Lymes. I remember the last time I visited, she was crying her shoulders hurt so bad so I rubbed them a little for her, not real hard or anything. Later that day she was black and blue from where I rubbed her, I felt awful! She is in constitant pain as well. It has really wore her down over the years. Please, make your doc understand how bad this is for you, I don't want it to wear you down like it did her. I wish I could help you in some way, as I am sure most of us here do.
Lots of hugs and love to you!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Hon you are just having so much to deal with right now. Anyone would feel that way so don't be so hard on yourself. I know it has to be a little scary for you and frustrating as well so vent on here all you want. You know everyone is here to help you through it.
Glad you have an appointment with the doctor. Hopefully he can suggest something that will help you feel better.
Vent all you want!! It's better than holding it in and I know all the people that answer your posts will probably be the best medicine of all.
Wishing you the best!
Pat
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oh Jen honey.... I can't even BEGIN to imagine what you are going thru... you poor girl.
You are always so chipper and upbeat... when I saw YOU as the author of this post...it shocked me! 
Bevrs.... is right... you need to NOT worry about what others think of you. And be sure to explain your pain to your Dr just like you did to us.
Take care of YOU!!
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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Jen you're an angel..that's all I can say. Well..not all. I sent you an email too  Honestly. Who else can go through so much misery yet still be so kind, caring, and be a dedicated worker. If the people at work don't realize how valuable of a worker they have then they are blind and they don't deserve you! Anyone who doesn't experience what you experience won't understand. The whole crying thing. I get that too sometimes when I'm extremely exhausted. I thnk it's what happens when you've lost all other ways to communicate except those of an infant. And it's not like you can control it cause it keeps on coming until it decides to stop. And it's not really like you're sad it's just like you are so tired and you can't move and you can't really think or talk and you're in agony. I guess it's like crying for help. I guess that's what's babies do cause they can't form sentences. I hope you feel better. Read my email. But remember..you're an angel. You inspire me every day, Jen! It makes me so upset to know you are suffering so much. Even this chipmunk outside looks upset (btw..he (i think it's a he..i always think of chipmunks as he's but there must be some girls) sends you hugs but no rabies)! I'm sending you big fluffy hugs that don't hurt your joints too much. Jen...just realize that you are so important and awesome! You may feel pretty alone and feel like ..why even go to the dr? what can they do? how did i get this way? why can't i just snap my fingers and feel better? But you'll find something. Every time I hit a low like that (well...i don't know exactly how you feel..but) or when i'm just in so much agony, I soon find something to cling to. Your something to cling to is just around the corner Jen. It's sprinting. Okay? IN the meantime, we are your floatation device. We all love you very much! Big soft hugs! Feel better..but just go at whatever pace you can manage..which may be a negative miles per hour..but just do it.
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If you live life to love, you'll love to live life.
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thanks, all.
#71122 - 05/17/04 11:07 AM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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i appreciate all the kind words.
i will be fine. i didn't really get anywhere at this appointment, but rescheduled my next rhumatologist appt to be a little sooner (still not 'til next Tues, tho). i've also started looking into some massage therapy for the pain bits, but apparently it's going to be hard to find someone who works with insurance. i've also scheduled an appointment to get on an antidepressant because now i am officially depressed. it's to be expected, i know, 'cause of all the pain and lack of sleep. i'm not at all stressed about that, but i sure wish the appointment were sooner! it's not 'til the end of June. ARGH.
i think i'm going to take the pressure off of myself and i'll go into work when i go into work. and that's all there is to it! until i get some sleep, i'm not going to have the strength to do it.... so fingers crossed that the higher dose i'll start tonight will help! 
oh well, again, thanks for the kind words.
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Hi Jen,
sounds like you've had a chance to calm down. I wish your appt was sooner too! I hate waiting to go to the Dr.
I like you thinking....work will just have to wait! Keep your thoughts good and positive! You are going to figure this out! I just know you will. Its hard times for you know...but I know that your a strong girl and you will get past this! Just remember that you are strong and this is your body!!!! Your a take charge kind of girl....show that body whos BOSS!!!!
Now go get some rest! Take a hot bath!!!! Have someone rent you a good movie...and if you need to invite your friend (or Bevs) friend JACK over for a short visit!!!!
I know things are going to get better for you!!!!
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Hey Jen. Sorry you have to wait so long for your next appointment I'm really upset now to know what you're going through. Poor Jen. It must have been one of those "why did i even waste my time?" doctor's appointments. Oh well. I hope the medicine works. Really..I'm REALLY hoping it works and sending you feel better power, okay?!! I'm so sorry Jen. I am going to give you the sunshine of the week award (i made it up) because through all of the clouds and fogginess and ickiness, your sunshine still reaches all of us. Now, hopefully, we can get some sunshine in to you! Break away clouds!!!!!!!!!! Hugs, Jen! DO what you need to do. NOt what you think you should do/others push you to do, etc. Do what you can do. Okay? We're all here for you. Ring if you need us!
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If you live life to love, you'll love to live life.
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I am so sorry you are having such a touch time of it. And you know, it is ok to cry, I think so many times that if I had not had a break down and cried it out, things would have just gotten harder. Crying is a release, just let it all out when you feel so defeated, mentally and physically.
There will be better days, I hope your doc can help you today Jen. You are in my prayers. OMgosh,how hard this must be. gayla
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You know, I have to say that it upsets me to see someone be in so much pain. Especially when someone is so young. I have to admit that I don't know what "fibro" is, but it doesn't sound pleasant. I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better. The only thing I could say is hang in there. We all through certain points in our lives where things maybe hopeless. I know I have. In the end there are always people in your life who care for you and love you. Just remember that. This too shall pass... Good luck and keep venting if that makes you feel better!
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Hey, sweetie,
Glad to hear you're going to go on an antidepressant. I was thinking about that after I answered your last post.
The other thing I've been thinking about that might be of help to you is information on what's called "good sleep hygeine." (Doesn't that sound funny?) Have you run across that in your research? It's things like going to bed at the same time every night and so on. Just type sleep disorder into Google and you'll find it. It's really helped me get the most out of my sleep meds. And are you taking OTC Benadryl too? I highly recommend it. It works in synergy with the prescription med. (Plus I don't need my prescription antihistimine anymore!! Nice side benefit!!)
Good luck finding the massage therapy. That reminds me, I've got to schedule MY second one!
SMOOCHIES and huggles! Talk to you more tomorrow.
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Oh no, Jen!
#71143 - 05/17/04 12:24 PM
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Kree
Reged: 10/08/03
Posts: 3748
Loc: Northern NY
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Oh Jen, I'm SO sorry to hear what you're going through! And I'm sorry your appt today didn't really resolve anything. I get a little lightheaded and weak sometimes but I honestly can't even imagine what you're going through. I feel horrible for you. Please just take the best care of yourself you can and be firm with those docs! Don't worry, hun, eventually they have to find something that works for you. Hang in there and please vent to us whenever you need to!
Big **HUGS** for Jen!
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Here's two links, the first is a normal fabric one, the second is made of Temperpedic, that foam that molds to your shape. I splurged and got one and it's GREAT. It completely screens out all the light. Also, if you get up to go to the bathroom during the night, DON'T turn the light on bright, it messes up your diurnal cycles. Get a nightlight and one of those little LED flashlights (see link). Because until you start getting enough quality sleep nothin' else is gonna get any better, girlfriend.
Okay?
First eyeshade web page
Deluxe eyeshade web page (it took a little getting used to, maybe two nights, but now I love it)
LED light web page I just adore these little things, they're SO CUTE!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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I'm pretty new to this board, but I know how wonderfully changed my life has been since I've listened to you all! You lead the group when it comes to compassion and knowledge, so don't get down!
My IBS is a real bother, as it is to everyone, but I've watched my hubby suffer through two years with chronic lung problems, so I know how low illness can take our spirits! Just look up! Know the power of prayer and that there will be those of us lifting you up in prayer today!
May you soon feel much better!
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God is Faithful!
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Hey LS,
I take Benadryl, too (Tylenol sleep). I only have to take one and it makes me so drowsy and does help with allergies, too.
Hope you feel better soon
Barbie
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Aw Jen! I feel for you. Having a chronic illness is no fun (to put it mildly). You have really dealt with your diagnosis fabulously, but eventually, I think, it hits you how sick you are. Then the crying starts...think of it as a good release. I know you know this, but I'll remind you anyway: you go through the cycle of grief with chronic illnesses, just like you do with terminal/life-threatening ones or with a death. It is so normal to feel how you do, but, of course, it doesn't feel like that when you're in the middle of it.
I'm glad to see you've calmed down and that you've got your priorities straight--your health comes first. Is there any way you can get an appt for the depression sooner? Certainly the depression is factor here, but good for you to recognize this crying jag as a sign of depression. Lots of people wouldn't be as proactive as you are.
Hang in there, Jen! And here's a link on sleep hygiene
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--Julie
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"young?"
#71181 - 05/17/04 03:48 PM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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i love that! thanks! that made it all better right there!
hee hee....
"young!"
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sleep hygiene
#71185 - 05/17/04 04:09 PM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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hey, LS. hope you're doing better than you were earlier!
i do follow all of the "good sleep hygiene" rules. yup. sure 'nuff. it's funny, but when i first started to realize i was having sleeping problems, i ran across some stuff about sleep hygiene, but i was already doing all that stuff! well, ok, i don't take a bath before bed usually, but i am going to do that tonight....
thanks for the tips. i have a Tempurpedic pillow. it's ok. i really liked it when i first got it, and now that i'm typing this i realized that may be when my TMJ problems started to resolve! hey, cool! anyway, i can't afford the mattress, but i wish i could....
have you heard of the Cuddle Ewe underquilt? um.... here's the site. i read a testimonial about that in a book by a woman who didn't share any information about her own personal treatment choices except a note that she loves her Cuddle Ewe and said it really helped her sleep. (she presented a lot of info fairly and endorsed NOTHING but this!) i'm considering this.... (she says it keeps her cool in the summer and warm in the winter. i wouldn't have bet that sleeping on wool would make you cool in the summer, but hey- what do i know!?)
ok.... i'm off to check other posts while i have an energy.
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Jen!
#71203 - 05/17/04 05:19 PM
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peaches
Reged: 09/28/03
Posts: 1183
Loc: Fort Wayne, Indiana
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I'll be praying for you SOOOOOOOOOO much! I totally know what that feels like!! I had the stomach flu a few weeks ago and I couldn't do ANYTHING and I had so much schoolwork that I had to make up like speeches and tests and project and I was so frustrated! So I tried going back one day to get all of my assignments and I could hardly stand up in the shower. I felt like I was going to faint from fatigue! SO I hope you get better! Do you think that your doctor could prescribe you a stronger sleeping pill of some sort??
**Major HUGS!**
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It comes down to the art of living on [color/red]
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Hi, Jen! Yes, I finally rejoined the land of the living about 4pm, which is about the usual time the flare lets up. No more zombie impersonation here -- and I DID make it to MY doctor appt TOO!! YAY, us!! (My weekly therapist appt -- she keeps me sane, or at least sane-er!!)
I have heard of the Cuddle Ewe and it sounds yummy. If I wasn't allergic to wool (yes, yet another allergy!!!!) I'd have bought one already! There are some hypoallergenic versions also that are supposed to be like sleeping on an old fashioned feather bed. My husband also wondered if one of those full body pillows like the advertise for preggys would help me be more comfortable. We haven't bought one, but it's still on the list of things to maybe try someday.
Sweet dreams, chicken!! (And I love your little sick doggie gif.) (Oh, and tell me again the med you're taking and the dose she's increased you to, I can't remember, was it Buspar?) (Oh, and let's start using my hubby's 10 point scale so I have an idea how you're doing. I was a 4 today (BELOW functional) but it sounded like you were a 0 in the morning (Just shoot me now!) but made it up to a 3 (pretty sick but able to leave the house!)) I'll repost the whole thing tomorrow.
Now I've lost my way in the parentheses so I'll say Good Night.
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Oh Jen, Here you are, ALWAYS here for EVERYONE and anyone that needs you yet you have this to go through yourself. I/we all wish there is something we could physically do for you, yet we know that we can only offer a kind word and listen and read and empathize. Talk about feeling helpless!!!
First off, CRY, CRY AND CRY some more. You know that when you do you are getting rid of toxins. It's been proven. Same holds true for moaning and groaning.........that's been proven too. So all the emotional stuff you want and need to get out--do so, and then do some more. You're entitled........and it will do you a world of good. Remember when we were younger and and we'd cry ourself to sleep? Or when we were teenagers and we'd cry ourself to sleep over the break up with some boyfriend........well, that's the kind of crying and sobbing I think you need right now.....It's not a time to be strong, or worry about money, or energy.........it's time to just let it out.......don't feel like you are loosing it mentally..........well, it may feel like that but we who know you know that you wouldn't on a permanent basis......only temporary...........and that's ok too!!!
Don't worry about being lazy or what people think. Like LS said, if you put the peddle to the metal and you can only go 40 when all others are going 80 then that's ALL you can do..........and then sometimes you're in the 15 mph zone and that where you have to stay a while..........All of it's ok. Our prayers are with you, somewhere there will be answers.
On a personal note, had the dr. appt today with the good doc...but more on that another time....my condition has worsened  but that too, with time will pass....I'm off to bed myself .
Kandee
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LS
#71334 - 05/18/04 07:35 AM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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i'm glad i'm not the only one who gets lost in the ((parenthesis!))
i am on.... er.... the new one is desiprimine. i had been on nortriptyline. they don't put me on amitrityline 'cause i was on that years ago and didn't like it (but can't remember why...? ugh. fog!) i started @ 25mgs, but last night bumped it to 50mgs. i have a feeling i'llhave to go a little higher in a few days....
my best friend is allergic to wool, too. now that i'm knitting, i can make her nice scarves and hats and gloves out of acrylic and cotton, so we're excited! usually she's quite limited in her choices! but now we know she's not going to be able to help me if i ever start selling my bags at craft shows, right! oh well!
i'd love to learn your 10 point scale. i'm sure you can understand this: do you have your days where you're not even sure how you are yet, early in the day? it's almost like i'm "on hold" while my body waits to decide what it's going to do! (naturally, still stiff in the morning, but that's a given!)
ok, rest! i'll talk to you later....
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actually, we're working on the sleep meds right now! just upped my newish prescription and got a few good hours of sleep this morning.
HAVE FUN DRIVING TODAY!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Re: LS
#71351 - 05/18/04 07:58 AM
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LauraSue
Reged: 01/14/04
Posts: 4812
Loc: New York City
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Okay, so you're still on a tricyclic. That's good. Hope this one doesn't cause the weight gain like the other one.
Do I have days when I don't know yet how I feel? Absolutely, and that's exactly what I say to Andy when he asks, "How are you feeling today?" I say, "I don't know yet." Although that was more common in the first six months. The fibro fog has lifted enough now, or I've gotten accustomed enough to assessing how I feel. I can now almost always tell exactly what the day's going to be like within an hour of getting up. And as I've said, I try now always to have a Plan A and a Plan B!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Re: LS
#71439 - 05/18/04 01:46 PM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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so how long ago were you diagnosed, LS? i assumed it wasn't recently, but now i'm getting the idea what it was....
if it was recent, were you having symptoms before that? am i being nosey?!
i know i have had the symptoms for years and years, now that i know what to look back for.... but of course it's gotten so much worse that it kinda forced my hand.
ah well, but you know all about me....
i'm going to take a walk. only 6 or 7 minutes, but it's something, right!?
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And 5 minutes is like 5 miles for normals so that's GREAT!!
I was diagnosed informally by my baby sister three years ago or so. She had it and got a confirmed diagnosis and told me it sounded like I might have it too. She got me a copy of the book by Devin Starlanyl and when I read the part about feeling like you got hit by a Mack truck in your sleep, I cracked up, because I'd been asking my hubby for years if he got the license plate of the truck that ran over me last night. So I figured my sister was right, I probably had it too.
My official dx was March of last year. My doctor did the tender point thing and stuff and said, yup, you got it! But it wasn't until that fateful day in Tampa on business that I got REALLY sick. That was last April 25. So it's now been just over one year I've been living with this beastie. (Nice kitty, nice kitty, don't scratch Mama now!!)
And yes, looking back I now think I've had it my whole life, just in milder form. I'm constantly thinking of things and saying, ohmigod that was due to the fibro. Like hating gym class. Like not being able to move after jogging. Like being sick for a month after a business trip to the Far East. Yeah, exactly the way you described.
And no you're not being nosey! I love talking about myself, haven't you noticed??!! Especially to a captive audience, BWAHH HA HA HA HA!! (Is that how you spell the evil laugh? I can never remember.)
Seriously, sweetie, ask me anything anytime. If I can help someone else even a little bit, it helps me too, so much you can't begin to imagine. I call it repaying the luck gods. Because even with all said and done, we're still (unfortunately and frustratingly) lucky that it isn't worse. Yeah I know, poop on that!!!!!!
So what else ya wanna know? Am I still gorgeous? Heck, yeah!! At least on the days I have the energy to put on makeup!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Ooooooooooh that's good!! Let us know how your night goes!
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It comes down to the art of living on [color/red]
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Oh honey! That sucks big time. Don't freak out hon, when you're having a crappy time, just cry all you want (I'd just suggest lying down first as crying wipes me out! ).
Sounds like you're in a bad patch with your Fibro (not meaning to point out the obvious!). I got like that last fall. Seems like sometimes it all gets too much for your body and the "flare-up" just goes on and on (LS, do you get that too?). But I came out of that spell and you will too. It's almost like a relapsing-remitting disease that way. Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days atm, but they're not EVERY day like they were then. Maybe talking to your boss about taking longer-term sick-leave for a month or something would be an idea?
Re the whole standby thing when you wake-up, I have it all the time with my flare-ups. Usually I'll get up feeling not great, but workable, but by the time I'm out of the shower and getting dressed, I'll just keel over!
I know it sounds nuts (and I don't exactly follow my own advice all the time!) but have you tried yoga when you're having a bad day? Obviously, if you can't get out of bed, then it's not much of an option. But I did a class once when I was at work and hardly able to move and it really helped. Amazing! I think you need a teacher to make you do something other than corpse pose, though! Thinking of corpse pose, do you lie like this when you can't sleep? I've found that on a bad day, lying in corpse pose actually rests me more than sleeping (because it'd be crappy sleep  ).
Make sure you conserve your energy too. I get so bored when I can't move out of bed, that as soon as I have the energy, I want to be and and doing stuff (even if it's only reading a book), but I've found that doing that ain't a good idea for me - it just sets me back. So I try and make myself lie there doing nothing. Though music keeps me sane!
I'm thinking of getting an electric blanket for the days when the heating pad just isn't big enough! It's crazy, isn't it?
Anyway, hope you're feeling a bit better today. If anything here doesn't make sense, it's cos my Fibro frog has been eating my brain all w/e!
Love ya hon. [[[[[[Hugs]]]]]]
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Hi Jen,
I know I'm a bit late as you've had lotsa replies.. and then replied to lotsa replies.. and then replies to those, even!.. but I still wanted to send you some warm thoughts. I admit I don't know a lot about fibro, but I am so sorry that you are going through any sort of pain. The exhaustion sounds terrible, and I think you are (in the words of my boyfriend) "such a trooper" <-- sounds stupid enough to make me laugh/groan when I don't feel well.. for going through it all. I second what everyone else said about crying if you want to cry, and trying not to stress about work (even though that's really tough!).
I hope you get some sleep, I hope you don't have so much pain and I hope you get a wee bit of energy.
***hugs hugs hugs***
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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i didn't even need to ask that question!
well, thanks for telling me all this stuff. it really helps me a lot.
i'm working on getting offline now, but will write more soon!
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Linzy...
#71647 - 05/19/04 11:33 AM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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than danged fibro frog! he's such a pain! and to think, i used to love frogs.
i want to try yoga, but geesh, it sounds so daunting! i love doing it when i'm well, but i'm just terrified to do it now. i'm really trying to get up enough energy to try to get back to work consistently, so i'm afraid of anything that might cause a setback. i'm sure that makes sense, right, but maybe i'm being too careful? i just think if walking up the steps wears me out, how could yoga not!?
hey, do you ever get weird chills? like you have a fever but you don't? i've been driven nearly batty with that recently! i know it's the fibro. i will get goose bumps all over and really chilly, then 3 minutes later i'm pulling off the blanket and sweater 'cause i'm sweating my butt off! (too bad not literally!). there's no other reason for it but the fibro- i have no fever and by god i hope i'm not in perimenapause! i'm only 33!
ok, really, i'm going to take a nap now! thanks for making me feel better (as you always do!).
SMOOCHES, Linz!
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thanks, Steph.
#71648 - 05/19/04 11:34 AM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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i'm feeling more sane, now.
i guess i'll just have to accept that those mental breakdown days are healthy, eh? ok. i can do that!
hope you're well!?
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My best friend Eileen used to call them "mental health days" when she called in sick!
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Laura
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You mean like the other day when we were out with friends and I took my jacket off and put it back on so many times that Andy had to explain, "Her thermostat's broken."
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Laura
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Re: Linzy...
#71804 - 05/20/04 03:00 AM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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I'm crap at doing it (will-power is not in my vocabulary!  ) but when I have done it, I find the yoga helps. Only do a little bit if you're really bad, but it's way more helpful than even a walk. It really helps with the stiffness, the painful joints AND the fatigue.
Note to self: must do more yoga!
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Ohhh jenX:-(
Its okay to share your feelings and frustrations here. I'm glad you feel comfortable doing that. Life isn't always perfect, and we need to express all our feelings. I, too, get frustrated with my illness as you do with both of yours. Before I came to this site, I just couldn't help crying or being a little upset bcos I just wanted to feel better. I wanted to be able to do things, and be like everyone else: go to work, go to school, and even go out shopping w/out having to get ill. First, you are not nuts & I'm sure you are very responsible and a hard-working employee. We can't help feeling this way or what our illness does to us. Other people who are 100% healthy could not understand unless they have been there. I think Heather said this in her book or somthing similiar to it: "Put your health first." So, try not to worry about the responsibilities of work while you are at home. Focus on you and getting better. I used to think "I can't handle IBS forever." I still think that way sometimes. Bcos it puts a hinderance on my life. But I think if I can just get through this day or the next few hours. I try not to think about forever or the next couple of months. I set small goals for myself to get through now. I am sooo sorry you are feeling terrible with fibro. I truly wish taht your doctor will be able to help you feel better and allow you to get some rest. You are going through a tough time right now and its okay to feel this way. Is there anyone at home who can help you? Like make you meals or get you more heating pads? Does your boss know you are dealing with two chronic illnesses? I wish I could be of more help, but you are in my prayers. Sending hugs & positive vibes always.
*Lilybear
P.s.
I just started reading this new book & its been helpful as well as relaxful. There is this quote and I just loved it. When I get frustrated with things, I think about this quote and it helps. Wanted to share it with you:
"We cannot write in water...
we cannot carve in water.
Water's nature is to flow and that is how
we should treat life... emotion, negative
or positive. Do not deny it
but always let it flow through and then away."
-Anonymous
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Laura
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I just wanted to say I am thinking of you and wishing away your pain.
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IBS-D
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I had no idea you were doing so badly, jen. I'm sorry! Here's my advice. Quit trying to get to work. If you know you can't do it, there's no use wasting your energies getting frustrated about it. If you lose your sick days, you're going to lose them anyway. So make the most of them! Instead of trying to get to work and failing, try to relax and feel better. it's so much more fun, and more productive toward your goal of gettin back in business! I know life is not always so simple as letting go of all your problems, but I hope this puts your problems in a new perspective. cheer up! you need rest, i know what 'spaghetti arms' are and they are the worst! that's what i've got after moving all my furniture out of my apartment - i moved from my old place, by the way. good thing i had plenty of help, because my legs and arms became spaghetti at a moment's notice! cheer up and feel better jen! i love your sick puppy sign!
*evie
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are you moving back into the same place next year? i like it 'cause it's so easy to get to! now don't go gettin' a place that's hard for me to find when you get back!
sorry i didn't get stuff pulled together fast enough and missed ya before you went home.
what plans do you have for the summer??? tell me all!
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Re: Linzy...
#71903 - 05/20/04 09:20 AM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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ok, you've got me pretty convinced. now i just have to get out there and find a place to take a class! i think i'm not going to the one my best friend goes to. she and her mom take classes that have them in pain and aching for days. i think i'll steer clear of that class!
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summer plans? i think that makes a good topic. favorite summer anybody? my plans for the summer:
1.rest up and relearn how to be a bum
2.get to know my local GI doctor real well (I've been in bad shape past two weeks)
3.bum around frequently and spontaneously
4.take classes: 20th century poetry and social psychology (i'm excited - is that normal?)
5.take naps whenever possible
6.work on my writing portfolio...for gradschool applications!
7.watch tv. i don't have a tv in baltimore. i can barely remember what that's like. must rebuild channelsurf muscles
8.catch up on bedtime
9.silly summer fun involving waterguns, maybe
10.read cool literature on a comfy couch
11.play at some open mic shows or something
12.watch all those movies i've been meaning to
13.get my braces off by the end of the summer!
14.beach trip? I haven't been in my swimsuit since last summer. i'll think about it.
I don't mind at all about the meeting, jen. Right now, I'm just glad to be home! I'll catch up with MD later. new place - real easy to find; you'll see. Don't hesitate to tell us how you're doing with your health, though. that's what we're here for.
*evie
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Laura
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Yoga
#71939 - 05/20/04 10:41 AM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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Sounds like a scary power-yoga class!
Make sure you tell the teacher you have an illness so that they don't push you too hard and then they can suggest particularly helpful poses.
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oh good. we can be virtual work out buddies. i'll be back in shape in no time! actually, regular activities i plan on for the summer besides the all-enompassing channel surf, and the difficult-to-master art of bumming around:
1.walk my dog (need strong muscles for him!)
2.running (it's been a while)
3.yoga
I've gone list crazy! But hey, it works for me.
*evie
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Hi LauraSue,
How was your weekend? I hope you had a nice weekend:) Thank you for your kind words:)
*Lilybear
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Laura
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