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oh Jen honey.... I can't even BEGIN to imagine what you are going thru... you poor girl.
You are always so chipper and upbeat... when I saw YOU as the author of this post...it shocked me! 
Bevrs.... is right... you need to NOT worry about what others think of you. And be sure to explain your pain to your Dr just like you did to us.
Take care of YOU!!
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Jen you're an angel..that's all I can say. Well..not all. I sent you an email too  Honestly. Who else can go through so much misery yet still be so kind, caring, and be a dedicated worker. If the people at work don't realize how valuable of a worker they have then they are blind and they don't deserve you! Anyone who doesn't experience what you experience won't understand. The whole crying thing. I get that too sometimes when I'm extremely exhausted. I thnk it's what happens when you've lost all other ways to communicate except those of an infant. And it's not like you can control it cause it keeps on coming until it decides to stop. And it's not really like you're sad it's just like you are so tired and you can't move and you can't really think or talk and you're in agony. I guess it's like crying for help. I guess that's what's babies do cause they can't form sentences. I hope you feel better. Read my email. But remember..you're an angel. You inspire me every day, Jen! It makes me so upset to know you are suffering so much. Even this chipmunk outside looks upset (btw..he (i think it's a he..i always think of chipmunks as he's but there must be some girls) sends you hugs but no rabies)! I'm sending you big fluffy hugs that don't hurt your joints too much. Jen...just realize that you are so important and awesome! You may feel pretty alone and feel like ..why even go to the dr? what can they do? how did i get this way? why can't i just snap my fingers and feel better? But you'll find something. Every time I hit a low like that (well...i don't know exactly how you feel..but) or when i'm just in so much agony, I soon find something to cling to. Your something to cling to is just around the corner Jen. It's sprinting. Okay? IN the meantime, we are your floatation device. We all love you very much! Big soft hugs! Feel better..but just go at whatever pace you can manage..which may be a negative miles per hour..but just do it.
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If you live life to love, you'll love to live life.
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thanks, all.
#71122 - 05/17/04 11:07 AM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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i appreciate all the kind words.
i will be fine. i didn't really get anywhere at this appointment, but rescheduled my next rhumatologist appt to be a little sooner (still not 'til next Tues, tho). i've also started looking into some massage therapy for the pain bits, but apparently it's going to be hard to find someone who works with insurance. i've also scheduled an appointment to get on an antidepressant because now i am officially depressed. it's to be expected, i know, 'cause of all the pain and lack of sleep. i'm not at all stressed about that, but i sure wish the appointment were sooner! it's not 'til the end of June. ARGH.
i think i'm going to take the pressure off of myself and i'll go into work when i go into work. and that's all there is to it! until i get some sleep, i'm not going to have the strength to do it.... so fingers crossed that the higher dose i'll start tonight will help! 
oh well, again, thanks for the kind words.
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Hi Jen,
sounds like you've had a chance to calm down. I wish your appt was sooner too! I hate waiting to go to the Dr.
I like you thinking....work will just have to wait! Keep your thoughts good and positive! You are going to figure this out! I just know you will. Its hard times for you know...but I know that your a strong girl and you will get past this! Just remember that you are strong and this is your body!!!! Your a take charge kind of girl....show that body whos BOSS!!!!
Now go get some rest! Take a hot bath!!!! Have someone rent you a good movie...and if you need to invite your friend (or Bevs) friend JACK over for a short visit!!!!
I know things are going to get better for you!!!!
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Hey Jen. Sorry you have to wait so long for your next appointment  I'm really upset now to know what you're going through. Poor Jen. It must have been one of those "why did i even waste my time?" doctor's appointments. Oh well. I hope the medicine works. Really..I'm REALLY hoping it works and sending you feel better power, okay?!! I'm so sorry Jen. I am going to give you the sunshine of the week award (i made it up) because through all of the clouds and fogginess and ickiness, your sunshine still reaches all of us. Now, hopefully, we can get some sunshine in to you! Break away clouds!!!!!!!!!! Hugs, Jen! DO what you need to do. NOt what you think you should do/others push you to do, etc. Do what you can do. Okay? We're all here for you. Ring if you need us!
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If you live life to love, you'll love to live life.
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I am so sorry you are having such a touch time of it. And you know, it is ok to cry, I think so many times that if I had not had a break down and cried it out, things would have just gotten harder. Crying is a release, just let it all out when you feel so defeated, mentally and physically.
There will be better days, I hope your doc can help you today Jen. You are in my prayers. OMgosh,how hard this must be. gayla
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You know, I have to say that it upsets me to see someone be in so much pain. Especially when someone is so young. I have to admit that I don't know what "fibro" is, but it doesn't sound pleasant. I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better. The only thing I could say is hang in there. We all through certain points in our lives where things maybe hopeless. I know I have. In the end there are always people in your life who care for you and love you. Just remember that. This too shall pass... Good luck and keep venting if that makes you feel better!
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Hey, sweetie,
Glad to hear you're going to go on an antidepressant. I was thinking about that after I answered your last post.
The other thing I've been thinking about that might be of help to you is information on what's called "good sleep hygeine." (Doesn't that sound funny?) Have you run across that in your research? It's things like going to bed at the same time every night and so on. Just type sleep disorder into Google and you'll find it. It's really helped me get the most out of my sleep meds. And are you taking OTC Benadryl too? I highly recommend it. It works in synergy with the prescription med. (Plus I don't need my prescription antihistimine anymore!! Nice side benefit!!)
Good luck finding the massage therapy. That reminds me, I've got to schedule MY second one!
SMOOCHIES and huggles! Talk to you more tomorrow.
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Oh no, Jen!
#71143 - 05/17/04 12:24 PM
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Kree
Reged: 10/08/03
Posts: 3748
Loc: Northern NY
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Oh Jen, I'm SO sorry to hear what you're going through! And I'm sorry your appt today didn't really resolve anything. I get a little lightheaded and weak sometimes but I honestly can't even imagine what you're going through. I feel horrible for you. Please just take the best care of yourself you can and be firm with those docs! Don't worry, hun, eventually they have to find something that works for you. Hang in there and please vent to us whenever you need to!
Big **HUGS** for Jen!
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Here's two links, the first is a normal fabric one, the second is made of Temperpedic, that foam that molds to your shape. I splurged and got one and it's GREAT. It completely screens out all the light. Also, if you get up to go to the bathroom during the night, DON'T turn the light on bright, it messes up your diurnal cycles. Get a nightlight and one of those little LED flashlights (see link). Because until you start getting enough quality sleep nothin' else is gonna get any better, girlfriend.
Okay?
First eyeshade web page
Deluxe eyeshade web page (it took a little getting used to, maybe two nights, but now I love it)
LED light web page I just adore these little things, they're SO CUTE!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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