Quit my job today...
#69605 - 05/11/04 04:28 PM
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Hi everyone. I finally quit my job - which was REALLY hard for me to do, I cried so much Sunday that I made myself sick! To make a long story short - I am an engineer who hates being an engineer but do it because my parents want me to be. I know that's dumb, but I've always done everything to make them happy. I'm going through a tough time with them, and I have been MISERABLE at my job lately. When I told them I was going to quit, I got yelled at for over an hour - they called me crazy, said I was making a huge mistake, I wasn't independant, etc etc. Haven't talked to them since, and that's hard for me because I usually talk to my mom everday. My husband just really wanted me to quit, and he is SO supportive. I really want to work with kids, I have always had a passion for that. And - we want to get pregnant like NOW, but have been putting it off because of everything with my stomach and all....so I thought that this would give me some time to really figure out what I can and can't eat. At work I was eating the same 'safe' things EVERYDAY, and it's getting so old.
Anyways- just looking for some reassurance because I'm feeling so guilty right now. I do feel relieved, and this will take away lots of stress - but now I'm stressed about my parents and money for awhile! 
Hope everyone had a great day!
~Cara
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~Cara~
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Hi Cara,
Sorry to hear you parents are not supportive....at least you have your husband to lean on. I had a similar situation with my son who went to Chiropractic College and became a Dr. of Chiropractic and opened a practice in Colorado with a partner. We even helped him financially to get started. After about a year of opening his practice he told us that he and his business partner didn't agree on how to run things and that he was worried everyday about how many patients he would have to see to pay the bills....it was making him crazy. After he told us that he didn't want to ba a Chiropractor anymore we were very supportive. I love him and don't want to see him unhappy. He has since gotten a master's degree in Electrical Engineering and has a job he loves and a wife and expecting a child and building a new house.....I couldn't be prouder and he is very happy now.
I hope your parents will come to their senses and realize what will really make you happy. Maybe it will just take time.
Barbie
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Thank you! I wish I had a mom like that. I thought all mothers just wanted you to be happy! It seems like mine just wants to be able to brag to her friends about me. It's like she's ashamed of me for wanting to do something that would make me HAPPY just because it won't pay well.
I feel like I'm doing the right thing as long as it'll make me happy. And IBS doesn't get any easier with stress, which my job is full of right now.
Anyways, thanks for your reply! I hope my mom is happy with me one day 
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~Cara~
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Cara, I think that's very very brave. i'm really proud of you.
i really am impressed. i think lots of people do things that make others happy and not themselves. you have taken a huge step and i'm really glad for you. and it's so nice your husband is so supportive of you.
go get a job with kids or go to school to learn something new. and give your cute hubby a kiss for being so supportive! 
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Hi Cara,
I think you have to do what is best for you! Some times parents like to live through their kids! I'm sorry that they are giving you a hard time. Its really tuff when your on the outs with your parents. But you have to do what is the very best for you. It sounds as if you did just that. I say good for you. Take some time for you. I know you have that rotten Epstein-Barr virus too, and that is tuff to deal with. I think you made the right decision. Your parents will just have to learn that your a grown woman and your looking out for you. Who wants to be in a job that makes them feel stressed and horrible?
Good for you Cara. Please stop feeling guilty. Your parents will get over it! They have to!
Good luck and please take it easy on yourself! {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
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Thanks girls. I am lucky to have a really supportive husband, he's the best! (And he is a cutie! )
I think I'll be so much happier in 2 weeks when I leave the office for good...........ahhhhh a load off my back. No one at work knows except my boss, I guess I should tell them, but it'll be crazy when I do. Why is quitting jobs so hard to do?!?!
My boss keeps going, 'Please think LONG AND HARD about this decision...' He keeps making me doubt myself! But I know I will be happier. And if I can go work with kids, or even get a part time job for awhile I'll be happier. More broke, but happier I'm not going to work when we have kids, so my mom better just get used to it!
Thanks girls.
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~Cara~
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Hi!
I totally hear what you are saying about your job, and I know how hard it can be to do something else. I am definitly the kind of person that feels guilty for everything, even if noone is purposely trying to make me feel guilty. I used to try to do things to make sure everyone else was pleased, and basically myself came last.
Recently, I've tried to take steps more towards putting myself first and doing what will make me happy. Its really hard to do though, when you've lived your whole life trying to make others happy, so congrats on making such a huge step. You look really really young in your picture, so you have plenty of time to find and do something you really love. I too work with children and its great and very rewarding! congratulations!
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Thank you! You sound just like me. I have always tried to make everyone else happy - I mean I'm still learning thing about myself that I didn't know because I never did anything that I wanted to do!
I am young! I mean I think I look younger than I am - I still get carded for smokes (I know...I'm trying to quit...). I graduated college almost 3 years ago. I've had enough of engineering to know that I don't enjoy it. I don't HATE it, but it's not a passion, it's just something I'm good at.
Thanks for responding!
~Cara
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~Cara~
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Hey there, I just wanted to say thank you for being an inspiration to some people, such as myself, that have wanted to do the same thing-but don't have the guts to.
There is a quote that I always lean on when I start to get negative thoughts about certain things and it is:
"Most people die with the music still in them". I believe the author is...someone that I can't remember at the moment...:( Anywho...I believe you are living for the moment and planning for the future. There is nothing wrong with that. My parents, are exhaustingly realistic. Whenever, I want to do something-such as start my own massage biz, they have always told me it won't work. I usually do it anyway-because I have to find out for myself.
It is frustrating, but now I expect this kind of response from them. I think of it as they are giving me the worst case scenario and I go from there. It actually makes me feel more positive now.
It sounds like they just love you so much and they don't want you to fail. They don't want you to suffer and it's their way of protecting you...making you safe. Feeling safe doesn't always make you happy though.
I really wish you luck, I've talked to many women that have worked throughout their children's lives and they regret the fact that they had to work. They missed out on a lot. You have that choice though and I think it's wonderful.
Good Luck!
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Cara, YOU ROCK!
#69661 - 05/11/04 07:43 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Girlfriend, you SOOOOO did the right thing! Oh yeah!
My parents wanted me to be an artist. They felt I had an artistic ability. Whether I did or not wasn't important; what was important was that I wasn't really interested in art. I went to art school -- for them, to please them -- but I could see right away that I didn't have the natural talent to succeed in commercial art. I could look at something and draw it, but I couldn't think of things and draw them from my mind. I wasn't CREATIVE.
Anyway, I didn't continue with my art; I wanted to be a secretary just like Della Street, Perry Mason's secretary. That was my dream. Stupid as it was, that's what I wanted to do. So, I did it. It took many years to work my way up -- I took classes and learned "on-the-job." 42 years later, I can honestly say that was a very good decision on my part. My parents were wrong; I could never have been a success at commercial art, but I was a VERY GOOD legal secretary; it supported me well and even is paying me in my retirement years.
So the moral of this story is DO WHAT YOU WANT, not what someone else believes is best for you. You never want to look back and resent them, not ever. Your parents may be upset right now, but they'll come around, because the bottom line is they want you to be happy. Give them some space; let your mom cool down. She'll eventually come around -- especially when you give her a grandchild to play with!
BTW, your hubby is a gem. He'll make a great dad!
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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HELLO are your parents related to my parents!?!! I just went through the same ordeal about quiting my job in December. Funny I am a grown woman, legal in every sense of the word, married and yet I don't feel that way with my parents. What matters is what is best for you and then what is best for you and your husband. My GP told me to check out books on boundries and relationships. Good for you quiting your job and persuing what makes you happy!  
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IBS-D
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I can almost feel the stress lifting off of you, you are so blessed to have your sweet hubby.
I was fortunate to be able to stay at home and raise my 2 boys. I will never take my husband for granted because he worked so hard so that we could live that dream. He is a great man. I think your guy will be a great dad too. I have so many wonderful memories with my sons, I wouldnt trade it for anything. At the same time, I do not have work experience, I dont know what I would do if I had to go to work tomorrow. I do want you to remember that this is the only life you will get, live it your way, live it good. I understand the mom thing, my mother in law is the one who made my life as miserable as she could. I used to think that her main goal was to wake up every morning and plot what she could do to hurt me, and it just made me dispise her. That pain caused me to suffer mentally and phsyically, she tried to make me look as if I wasnt a good mom or a good enough wife for her son. I was young and tender hearted, some how I made it through it all. My kids think I am the greatest mom on earth, hmmmmmm, it makes me feel as if I rose from the ashes.
Dont be too hard on your mom, she really does love you in her own way. She and your dad will come around. Children are the greatest little things God ever gave us, I know you will be great in what ever you do. You are in my prayers honey!!
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Dont tell God how big the storm is, tell the storm how big your God is !!!
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Cara! nicely done. It sounds like you'll be much happier.
My Dad sounds similar to your parents. It can be frustrating although I am greatful for him playing the devil's advocate. I like to think of him as a challenge, if I can debate the reasons with him and get him to see my point of view, it means that I really have thought out my decision. But, it's still very frustrating sometimes.
I thin kit's awesome that you've put yourself, your happiness and your potential family's happiness above your career. Those are the important things in life. At the end, no one remembers how good they were at their job, but everyone remembers how good a friend, family memeber, parent and loved one they were.
Good Luck!
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Hi Cara!
I want to commend you for doing what you feel is best for YOU!!! I'm a grandmother so maybe a LITTLE older and wiser with age but I know from experience that YOU have do what makes YOU happy in life. We are only given one life and need to live it to the fullest. You did the right thing because your job was making you unhappy and causing stress. I know us parents can sometimes be overwhelming although I really try not to be as I know everyone has to do in life what they WANT to do, not what we as parents think is best for them. I know your parents love you and after the shock wears off they will calm down about the change you made.
When you have children everyone will be telling you how to do things also, but just go with your gut instinct. I think that has what has gotten me through life so far.
I wish you the best and please don't feel any guilt. I think your parents just need to realize that you're all grown up and capable of making your own decisions. I guess sometimes we need to hear a note like yours to smarten up some of us older ones so that we know when to keep quiet and know that are children are capable of making their own choices in life. Good Luck to you and your husband!!!
Pat
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Good for you!!! You have to do what makes you happy. And I have to tell you that working with children is sooooooooo wonderful...I love it....that's what I do. I know how hard it is when you have people against your decision, but you said your husband supports you and that makes a world of difference. Hopefully, your parents will come around in time and accept your decision. I know a friend of mine who was so successful in her job (made lots of money), but she wasn't happy. So she went back to school and got her teaching degree and she is so much happier now. So I think it's important to follow your heart and you made the right choice.
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No problem.. I totally understand what you are saying. Life's too short to do something you aren't totally in love with!! Good luck on quitting smoking! I just quit about 8 months ago, and I never thought I could do it! I had smoked for about 5 years, but I feel alot better now, and I have more money in my pocket! Good luck with that! 
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Cara, good for you. One of the biggest life lessons I've learned to date is that I can STAND to have people mad at me. It may be uncomfortable but I don't die!!
And neither will you!! You'll not only survive, you'll THRIVE!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Well done for doing what is in your heart!! What kind of job you do in life is not nearly as important as being happy while you do it.
I work with children (Im a pre school teacher) and love my job - even though it does have its moments!! 
Work towards what you want to do. It will make you a stronger, happier person!!
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I don't know if everyone who replied to my post will still read this or not - but I just want to say a huge THANK YOU to you all. You made me feel much better.
I have been feeling much better about my decision these past few days, and my mom actually called me the other day and we talked it through! She will always be tough to please, but I think I made a good first step - and it was really hard for me to do.
Thanks everyone for you wonderful words! I love this board!
Have a great weekend.
~Cara
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~Cara~
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Jobs
#70251 - 05/13/04 06:36 PM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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Hmmm...I'm going to do this soon. And I totally get the thing about parents. I've always done the "sensible" thing and now I think I want to do something fun that's not really difficult (why do I think doing difficult things is better????  ).
Hope it all goes well! How much notice do you have to work?
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Hi Cara,
Was checking the posts to see how you made out and I wanted you to know how happy I am that you got to talk things out with your mother and are feeling some peace with the decision you made. As a mother I know we will not always be happy with the decisions our children make in life but we DO have to realize that even though they will always be our children there comes a time in life when they have to make their own decisions. Hopefully we did a good job bringing them up and they WILL know how to make the right decisions in life. All of us have to learn things through trial and error. Sometimes we think we have made a wrong decision and find out in the end that it was the right decision at the time.
You're growing up and making decisions are part of life. I don't think any of us grow up fully. At least I know I haven't. ha ha! I'm still a kid inside myself sometimes but I think that's a good thing! It helps us make it through the tough times in life.
Made this kind of a long post and just wanted to let you know how happy I am for you.
Best wishes to you and your husband,
Pat
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My last day will be next Friday, the 21st. I am so excited. It was so hard to actually do, I threw up the morning I quit! No one at work knows except my boss...I think I will tell people next week.
I really feel a whole lot better about the decision. My mom is my best friend, but she can be VERY critical, and I know that's just because she loves me and wants me to do the 'right thing' - meaning 'what she wants'. She will come around - she couldn't go a couple days without talking to me! She actually called me 2 days after our big argument and said, 'You are so stubborn! Why haven't you called me??' I said 'Guess who I got the stubborness from?' She goes, 'Well, for the record, Dad made me call' She was laughing, and it was a good way to start the conversation since we ended so badly last time.
Good luck if you do leave your job!
~Cara
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~Cara~
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Pat,
I want to print out your messages to me and show them to my mom! Thank you so much. Your words are so uplifting. I'm really glad I posted about quitting my job, because I feel much better after reading these responses.
Best wishes,
Cara
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~Cara~
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Thanks! Your kind words made my day. You have helped me just as much as you think I have helped you. I will try to remember to hold my tongue more than I usually do if I don't agree with something my daughter tells me! I just always have to remember she is now grown up and her own person just as you are! When you're a Mom someday you'll realize how hard it is for parents to butt out sometimes and let their children live their own lives. We all learn by our own mistakes and are usually much stronger for having done so.
Good luck with whatever job you go on to do, and remember if you're not happy with that one don't be afraid to go on to another. You want to do what makes you happy in life. Glad everything is better with you and your mother.
Good Luck Hon,
Pat
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Hi, Pat!
#70332 - 05/14/04 06:45 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Hey there! How are you feeling these days? It's good to see you here.
Bought any new teddy bears lately? I'm still sewing, believe it or not. Somebody STOP me!
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Doing pretty well thanks!! Even though it's been a temptation, haven't collected any bears LATELY as they will be taking over my home soon if I don't stop!!! Thanks for asking!
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Hey, Pat!! We've got a teddy bear collection too! Three of them are on top of the wardrobe watching me right now!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Teddy Bears
#70365 - 05/14/04 09:02 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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I LOVE these things! Mine are all in storage. But they're anxiously awaiting the new house too, and they'll love their new location.
Ever been to the teddy bear factory in Vermont? Fascinating place. (We made a pitstop there the last time we went back to Maine for the summer rowing camp.) You watch them make the darling bears. The favorite in my collection is from there; his name is Sherman.
I also have an IBS bear named Splits. He comes apart. When you're sick, you put his parts in the microwave, then on your tummy. He makes you better.
I love teddy bears....
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Splits sounds adorable. We have a Vermont Teddy Bear but haven't been to the store. My MIL bought my husband one dressed in a NY Rangers hockey jersey when they finally won the Stanley Cup again!! He sits on top of a bookshelf in the den where he can watch the games with Andy! (Did we forget to grow up at some time? I must have missed that day!)
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Growing Up?
#70372 - 05/14/04 09:17 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Have we grown up? Hell no!
I won't mention my birdhouse collection....
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Hey LS....
#70425 - 05/14/04 11:00 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Have you noticed the terrible quiet around here today? I mean, there's an obvious absence of one particular person whose name shall remain anonymous, but you know her well; she makes chocolate and always tickles our funny bones.....
I always get worried when people are absent without leave. Especially her, for some reason. I'm such a worry-wort. Think she's alright?
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Sorry to butt in, but I think I remember reading a post from Jen....if that's who you are talking about.....saying she had a meeting or training or something today so she may not be posting.
Hope this helps
Busybody Barbie
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Cutie, you're not a busy-body! Thanks for "butting in." I didn't see Jen's post -- so thanks for letting me know.
Why do I worry about her like I do? I'm such a mother hen!
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Hi,
I have only been on the boards since April, but I already feel like everybody here is my friend...or since I am 59 yrs old, I guess I should say I feel like a "mother hen", too! Ha Ha
Barbie
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WHAT?!?
#70463 - 05/14/04 12:04 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Okay, that was a joke, right? You said that because I'm 59. Right? You're not really that old. No way. Uh uh. It's not possible. Nope. Sorry, you're wrong.
Take a look in the mirror, Girlfriend. There's absolutely NO WAY you are anywhere near that old.
What year were you born? Who was President then? Did you vote for Kennedy? Where were you when he was killed? Ever heard of Howdy Doody? Where were you when it was on TV? Ever heard of a '78 record?
See, I knew it -- you're just kidding!
Bev (the REAL 59 year old).
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Hi Laura!
It's nice to know you collect some bears also. I had always collected dolls in the past and for some unknown reason started going for the bears. Have quite a collection even though I have given a lot to my grandaughter. Lately I have become addicted to Raikes Bears. They have wooden faces and are soooooo cute. Get them off ebay as they are usually a few hundred dollars each if you buy them from the store.
I think we still have some kid in us which can be a GOOD thing, don't you. Since they're starting to take over my home I have to hold back from buying more! They're multiplying as much as rabbits!!!! ha ha!
Thanks for the post!
Pat
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She's fine. She said she was finally going back to work today after being out all week and she'd probably be too busy to post much. Don't worry it's 4:55 almost quittin time so she'll turn up pretty soon.
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Pat, I'll have to check out those Raikes bears. Thanks!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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No Joke!
#70496 - 05/14/04 02:27 PM
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barbie
Reged: 04/22/04
Posts: 2435
Loc: Texas
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THANKS, BEV for the compliment. Unfortunately, I am 59yrs old (young). Born 10/44 ....Graduated high school 1962 -
I have been told before that I don't look my age but, believe me, sometimes I feel it.
You made my day!!!!! You can be sure I will tell my husband about this!
Barbie
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October '44? November '44 here. So you're older than ME! OMG! Yep, I granulated from high school in '62 also.
So, DID you vote for Kennedy? Or did you -- like so many Americans -- worry that the Catholics would take over the country? Do you remember when TV FIRST came on the scene? Everyone thought it was just a gimmick that would fade in time. And DO you remember Howdy Doody? Did you wear a poodle skirt? Mine was green corduroy. I had a real neat cinch belt to go with it. My saddle shoes matched. I was way cool. I wore my hair in a D.A. (Duck's A**) and carried a brush in the pocket of my poodle skirt so I could brush my DA on the dance floor. I was COOOL.
How exciting for me to have someone online here my same age! What day in October? I'm November 5, 1944. How many days older are you? You old broad you! Dang! I like this. I'm liking this A LOT!
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Hi Bev,
I'm 10/6/44.....Oh No.....I'm older! (Our wedding anniversary is Nov. 5, 1966.)
I didn't vote for Kennedy because I wasn't old enough to vote but I remember when he got shot. I was working for NASA (got to meet a lot of the original astronauts & go to Splash Down parties - the good old days) when I heard about it and will never forget that day.
Yes, I wore poodle skirts and petti-skirts that were so stiff I could barely move and saddle shoes, too.My hair was teased & sprayed with the little roll at the bottom..When I see pictures of myself it looks like a squirrel could have made a nest in there. Every day after school I had to watch American Bandstand. My favorites were Justine & Bob.
I do remember Howdy Doody and Claribelle and the first TV's....Boy, have we come a long way. How did we live back then without computers, VCR's, etc.???
Remember the air-raid drills when we had to get under our desks in case an atom bomb was dropped?
After my grandbaby comes, I will have to tell him/her how tough the old days were.
Barbie
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Hi Laura,
I just wanted to tell you a little about the Raikes bears if you haven't checked them out yet. They have handcarved wood faces, mostly made from maple. They are so adorable in person. I also collect Annette Funicello bears, Boyds and have 1 Vermont Teddy bear, but as yet haven't gone to the factory either. People never have a hard time wondering what to give me as gifts as I collect a few different things. I guess I just took after my mother who started collecting dolls first then went to cherished teddies and then plush bears. Since we can't have pets where we live I enjoy looking at my collections since they all have happy faces! I hope I always have some kid in me no matter how old I get! Let me know what you think of the Raikes bears if you get to check them out on ebay, ok?
Pat
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Hi Barbie,
Hope you don't mind me butting in but when you mentioned American Bandstand I just had to. I also loved to watch Pat Montenero dance on there but I always tried to copy what Justine wore. I remember I had to watch that show every day when I got home from school. Would practice all the steps and have my mother learn the steps with me! I still think those were the days. I'm also 59 but will be 60 in July so I must be one of the oldest on here. I guess us 59 year olds could start our own club. There are quite a few of us. We could call ourselves the Fabulous Fifties! ha ha! but I do think the 1950's was a fun time in life!
Pat
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Hi Patricia,
Ha Ha your older than me!!! Was it a great time when we grew up or what? Remember Harvey on American Bandstand? I was always jealous of Justine. Did you have slumber parties where the girls just laughed all night and had the best time ...no drugs involved like nowadays.
We need to start a new post called "Old Broads" or something because we are running out o space.
Have a great day
Barbie
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Pat, I went to the Raikes website. He makes amazing stuff. The hand carved dolls remind me of my mother's old porcelain head doll. (She still has it!) Our bear collection started when we were on vacation in London and I got sick (not IBS, but almost -- food poisoning). My sweetie felt so bad for me he bought a panda bear. Hubby's name is Andy so of course we named the panda Pandy! Still have him of course and whenever I'm sick, he comes down off the shelf for me to huggle with.
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Hi Barbie,
Yep, I'm older than you and a few months older than most everyone else who's 59 and counting. As Bev would say "Older than dirt" but I'm proud of it too! Congratulations on becoming a Grandma. I am one also so know what enjoyment you will have being one! It's even more fun than being a Mom sometimes. Keep thinking about American Bandstand today. I still remember all the fun I had going to the dances back then. Of course we learned all the new steps watching the show. Couldn't wait to go to the dances to try them all out. I thought Justine was so pretty too!
Talk to you again I'm sure,
Pat
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