After two good days.....today isn't so great.....sorry, need some shoulders to lean on....
#61517 - 04/15/04 12:46 PM
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Nugget
Reged: 02/10/03
Posts: 2167
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I had two pretty good days in a row. Was even able to go on my lunch break walks those two days (Tues. and Wed.). Today, however is a different story. Sorry if this gets too long.....
First off...I didn't sleep well....waking up at 3:30 to go pee and not being able to get back to sleep so I went to the couch and tossed and turned finally falling back to sleep just shortly before the alarm went off for us to get up and get ready for work (6:00). I had a couple minor "attacks" before going to work...not needing any Imodium or anything....went to work with a horrible feeling of nervousness, anxiety, etc., etc. Couldn't get calmed down and finally after barely an hour at work I came home for the day. I feel extremely tired....not so much nervousness after getting home. I am trying to act like nothing is wrong around those I love because I don't want them to worry. I even left the house for an hour in the car in case hubby came home on his lunch....I didn't want to be home "sick" and have him worry. I wasn't really having too much tummy trouble...just that shaky, nervous, tired and "worked-up" feeling. Ya know? Am I crazy? What's going on? I haven't felt this way since I before I was diagnosed with depression and went on Zoloft five years ago after my grandmother passed away. I was successful in getting off Zoloft and have been doing real good with my IBS-D and depression/anxiety for quite some time. Now it's all going down hill again. I worry constantly, am tired lately, and on edge all the time. Especially in the mornings when the day is starting. I can wake up in the middle of the night and be calm, but when I wake up and it's time to start the day....I'm a wreck inside. I try to hide my anxiety and act calm...but inside I'm wanting to just go hide somewhere by myself. That is just recently....like the past couple weeks. I just don't know what to do and I just want to be "normal"....as we all do. I was in hopes that the hypno tapes would arrive today, but they didn't. So am trying to calm myself in other ways. Because of how today went, now I am nervous about tomorrow because I have a meeting with a customer about a new project. I'm nervous because I don't want to be all "worked-up" during the meeting and have an IBS-D attack or something. Does it ever end?
Thanks for listening and being here. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
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Oh Sweetie, hang in there. We must be on the same wave leagnth though! The last 2 days were ok for me and I'm having a really bad one today also!  I do see my shrink tonight and hoping that will pick me up again. Is there a reason you don't want to go back on zoloft?? I can't, because I'm trying to get pregnant, otherwise I would be on something to help. If you don't want to do one of the SSRI drugs (like zoloft) maybe ask your dr about a script for Xanax. They are a mild traquilizer and when I get "worked up" I take one and it helps me relax and go on. If I'm REALLY worked up sometimes I will have to take them for a couple days. They can be addictive so you do have to be a little cautious, just take them when you need them.
I find if I stay "worked up" for very long at a time, I either go into a panick attack or a SEVERE IBS attack. The Xanax just helps me head that off. Once I get pregnant, I don't think I will be able to take them but for now they really are helping. I'm averaging about 2-3 a week, you can take them up to 3 times a day on the weakest streagnth like I'm on.
Try to hang on, we all care about you. Maybe its time you be honest about your feelings with your Hubby or someone in your family. Its not a good idea to keep "hiding" it from them. I'm sure if they knew what was going on they would be more than happy to help in anyway they can. You can't be so worried about worrying them, thats what families are for!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Hi Nugget,
Sorry to hear you had a tough day:( I have good days and bad days too. When I have a tough day, I get frustrated. Did you try drinking tea when you became nervous? Sometimes when I get nervous, it takes me 30-60 minutes to calm down in that situation but once I do I am okae. During that 1st hour, I eat peppermint candy and drink water and that calms me down a bit. Try to get some rest this afternoon and tonight. Exercise a little bit if you can, and watch a calming, relaxful television show tonight or read a book before bed. Those help me to sleep. You are strong, and you can get through this. Oh the term "normal." I kept saying that to my Mom when I was having a rough time. Its a tough word to hold on to and adapt to. We are normal, we just have sensitive stomachs. No one should make us feel bad about that. Everyone is unique in their own way. And no one is perfect, we all have struggles. I don't even think celebrities lives are perfect. If you need to take a break, take a break. Relax, take a nap, take a breather. Recollect your thoughts, and you shall get through this. There's always tomorrow to try again. Think that you will have a positive meeting tomorrow. I am sure you know your job well and will be able to communicate your ideas for this project. Try to imagine the situation before hand while taking deep breathes. Think positive thoughts and scenarios. If you have an 'attack', excuse yourself. You can leave to use the bathroom. Everyone uses it. Prepare yourself also ahead of time. I'm not sure if it "will ever end." But first lets help you get through today and tomorrow. Let's not worry about the future, but work on what we can do right now. Let us know how tomorrow goes, and best of wishes! Hugs!
*lilybear
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I'm sorry you've had such a rough time  I feel for you. I don't think I've ever been depressed (well maybe a long time ago, but it went away w/o meds, so maybe it wasn't) and I don't think I have anxiety. But it sounds not fun. I do know about that weird trainwreck-like feeling, though...I don't know how to describe it. I think that hiding that you're sick from your family is not such a good idea - I tried that for a while and it just made things more confusing and worse. Maybe tell them how you're feeling. I think that they'll worry, but not as much as if they can sense something is wrong and you're not telling them - THAT would add more stress to the situation (I've had experience with this, sadly  ). Maybe you should see your doctor about your anxiety and maybe you are depressed again (I don't want you to get mad at me for saying this b/c I don't know you very well...I'm just trying to give all sorts of suggestions and you may not be depressed at all). You probably don't want to have to go on an anti-anxiety/depression drug again b/c you successfully were off of one for a while....but on the other hand, you might want to catch things before they get out of hand like a runaway train. I mean, it's better to be on a medicine and not feel so awful inside (even if you have a couple good days...and I'm glad you have  ) most days. At least that's what I think. I don't know. Because if you had anxiety and stuff before and the med. helped that it's probably some chemical/biological thing that causes this in you, so a medicine would probably help...and then the hypno tapes would probably be more succesful. Or you could talk to a counselor/therapist or something (ok, don't hate me again for saying this, but I've gone to one before  ) because they are just there to let you spill and they help calm you down and stuff. But you might need the meds too. Or just a hot bath and some tea? About tomorrow, I'm sorry you're worried. I know it's WAY easier said than done but think about what's the worst that can happen? The customer laughs at you or doesn't want to hire you? Well, in that case, it's probably better off you don't do business with them b/c they'd be a pain in the rear end! And if they were rude, would you have to see them again? Most probably not! And you'd have to worry about dealing with one less ignorant person! Just remember not to let the ignorance of others let you ignore the beauty of life..corny, but I created that quote one time when I was frustrated w/insensitive people. Well, I hope I'm not being insensitive and if you need to talk about anything else, just feel free I hope you feel better!!!
P.S. If it makes you feel any better, I was doing much better and then backtracked and am now "breaking the cycle" again. You can pretend we're working together to feeling better! Feel better!!!!
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If you live life to love, you'll love to live life.
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Thank you Michele. Sorry to hear you are having a bad day, too.
The reason I don't want to go on medication again mainly is because of the sexual side effects and I don't want to have to be on medication. I guess I don't want to admit that I need it. I am hoping that the hypno will help with the relaxation and more exercise will help with the serotonin levels.
I feel that in my family I've always been the one who everyone thought had/has it all together. I don't want them to think that I'm some "basket case" (which I really am inside). My husband never has anything wrong...I feel I'm always the one who is "sick" and crying, and etc., etc. He doesn't make me feel that way, but I feel that way. Does that make sense? If he does feel bad or have some aches and pains...he very rarely tells me...but I feel I am constantly having rough days and I just don't want to burden anyone...especially him....with that.
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Thank you Lilybear....I was able to take a nap this afternoon and that helped. I plan on watching Survivor tonight. I will drink some tea, too. I'll be glad when tomorrow is over. I don't know why I'm nervous about this meeting tomorrow...I have met with this customer before....I guess I'm nervous because of all the tummy troubles I've been having this week and last.
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thanks tara.....and no...I'm not mad at you for anything you said. It's all very much appreciated. My family does know that I have "tummy trouble" and can't eat certain things...but they don't know about the anxiety. They know about the depression....but they all figure I'm better because I got off the meds. I don't want to disappoint anyone by having to go back on them. I know they would understand, but I would feel like a failure. I'm very hard on myself. I've been to a therapist...but the one I saw is no longer in town. I didn't really like pouring my guts out to someone in person that I didn't know. She did help me figure out a few things....but being timid...I didn't let her help me fully I don't think. Anyway....thank you for understanding and for your suggestions and insight. {{{hugs}}}
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I understand, the SSRI can really put a damper on your sex life! 
Your family won't think any less of you for having these problems. I totaly understand about not wanting to complian, I also feel guilty about that. But you can't continue like this or I'm afraid you will explode!! Even the strongest of people need a little help now and then! I'm sorry, but I've got to run for now, off to see the shrink 
Hugs sweeite! Hang in there, its gotta get better! Remember, you have to power to FLUSH and CHOOSE! I know its tough but you can get through this!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm pretty hard on myself too and I tend to not want people to see my weaknesses ..I've always tried really hard not to complain and be tough..but that just makes it worse, I've realized. Now that everyone has a better understanding of EVERYTHING I'm going through, it's not so hard to be open/complain b/c they know it's natural. I wouldn't worry about letting them down..I think it would upset them more if you didn't let them know everything that's going on with you - b/c if they know about your anxiety, they can help..yyou won't have to hide your anxiety (and trying to hide something adds to anxiety). Well, I hope you feel better!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep us posted and maybe you can find a medicine that helps your anxiety and depression but doesn't have icky side effects..one time i was on a medicine for my migraines and the only thing i could do okay was write with my left hand and i'm right-handed Good luck!!!
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If you live life to love, you'll love to live life.
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nugget...
#61616 - 04/15/04 03:33 PM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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i'm sorry you're feeling that way... i'm a little worried, sweets, especially because hiding how you feel and what you're doing during the day can't be helping those feelings of anxiety you're describing.
can you "come clean" to hubby? let him in on a little of this anxiety you've been feeling? should you talk to your doc about going back on the meds? i know sometimes people are off of those types of meds and do fine for a little while then end up back on..... do you think they'd help you?
i'm confident that the hypno will help you with the IBS stuff, but it sounds like you've got more anxiety going on there, not just the IBS stuff...
anyway, keep talking when you need us. we're here! hope it all gets better soon.
smooches, nugget.
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