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I'm 28 and the middle child so right there is was terrible  . Just kidding. I have an older sister that just turned 30 and having #4 in a matter of weeks and I have a younger brother that is 25. My parents are still together and live around the corner from us. I am close to my parents, more my mom, but we don't see them much. My dad is a pastor of a local church and they are very busy with that and work. I had a good childhood. Honestly, I kind of like staying in my room by myself a lot. I'm not sure why. We didn't have many kids in the neighborhood and most of them were boys. The girls perfered to play with my sister and I got tired of crying and fighting to be excepted by my big sister. We did start becoming best friends when my sister was a junior in high school. We have ended up having three of our kid at the same time, so far she has the boys.
I was very close to my dad's parents. They lived in town and I would spend the night a lot. I loved it when my grandma called and invited us over. She would ride the bus over and we would ride back with her. My brother used to eat a lb of bacon when he went over and my sister would eat a 1/2 gallon of vanilla ice cream. I don't remember doing either. My grampa passed away when I was about 8. That was my first experience with death and boy was that hard. My grandma is the one who taught me how to bake and I loved it because of her. Her and I used to make lemon merigue pie almost every time I went over. I named Madeline after her because I wanted to remember her. She ended up passing away literally right around the time we concieved Meike, almost 5 years ago.
My mom's mom lived in Maine so we only saw her once a year maybe twice when we were younger. She lived way up north in East Millinocket with my mom's step-dad. Her dad passed away when she was 10. It would take us two day and 17 hours to get there and then there was nothing to do there. I used to hate Maine until they moved to Portland because of health reasons. I loved it near the coast. The last time we went to visit was 4 days after my other grandma passed away. My mom's mom passed away last January. I have no more grandparents but my girls have two great sets of grandparents that I hope they will continue to have a great relationship with for years to come.
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All I can say is wow. You made it through and your sister is doing great. What a hero your brother must have been and you to your sister. How is your brother doing? I can't imagine anyone judging you based on your past. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Thank God life can be better after such a trying time.
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I've been reading everyones posts on this subject. They are very interesting some sad some great. My story is much like some of the others in that, my childhood was ok i guess if you like to be hit on and called names by your own mother, she was very abusive I wore bruises of handprints across my throat black and blue marks on my butt and legs and on and on.When I got married the first time my mother told me to consider myself dead, disowned and not part of her family anymore. I did that for a while. more things after that and now i don't even talk to my mother or my step dad. My brother which I grew up with we don't even talk often, although I don't really know why not.
On the other hand I do talk to my real dad and step mom. My step mom e-mails me with funny jokes and stuff just about everyday and I talk to my dad. I wish we grew up with our real dad and step mom... But I forgive her (my mother) people like her don't think they have done anything wrong. My first husband was just as bad. I divorced him after 6 years. I have been married for the past 15 years to my husband now. We have 3 kids 22, 19 and 14. I never treated my kids like that. I would never.....
I tried to give a short version sorry so long
Terry
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My childhood
#58704 - 04/07/04 06:25 AM
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bz
Reged: 06/18/03
Posts: 105
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
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I'm 43 and the middle child. I have a sister 2 years older and a brother 5 years younger. My father was an abusive alcoholic and gambler who spent alot of his time in the bar and with his friends. When he did come home at night (drunk) everyone would be in their room trying to hide out. He would make you get up, take off his boots and socks, make him iced tea and smelly cheese and crackers and then you would have to wait to try and escape again. On the nights he actually made it to dinner, there had to be absolute silence, no talking, no laughing. I actually got punished once for 2 weeks for laughing at the dinner table. If he didn't like what the meal was he just flung it off the table and onto the floor. Needless to say I really don't think he should have ever had children.
My Mom was never allowed to work and my father never gave her enough money to manage. She made alot of our clothes from my grandmother's old housecoats. She was and still is a great Mom. She felt she couldn't leave when we were young because she could never support herself let alone three children. Her greatest hope was that when one of us got old enough to work we would help her by going to work. Well, my sister turned 18 first and she refused and moved out on her 18th birthday. 2 years later when I turned 18 I gladly went to work, also managed to find Mom a cashier's job and we worked together to pay the bills and finish raising my brother. My dad never helped with any type of support for my brother, it didn't seem to matter to him how we managed. He married his second wife right after the divorce and she turned out to be totally psychotic. She would call our house all day and hang up or curse my Mom out. She wouldn't left my brother (who was 12 at the time) even talk to my dad, I had a big fight with her and she took an overdose and my dad blamed it on me instead of seeing that his relationship that my brother so desperately wanted was crumbling.
After the divorse, it was so nice to finally be free from fear. My Mom met my stepdad a few years after that and they have been happily married for over 20 years. My stepdad gave me away at my 1st wedding since my Dad would never tell me if he was coming to the wedding (he never came). How I wish she would have met him 43 years ago! How different life would have been with a Dad who actually cared. My real dad passed away 2 years ago and the relationship never got any better.
My Mom and I are extremely close and talk everyday. I consider her my best friend. I really try not to think about my childhood all that much, it's painful and it has taken me a long time to put it aside.
Well, enough rambling. What's important is today! I've come a long way and learned a lot of lessons and am finally happy.
My best to everyone,
Barbara 
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Hi bz and everyone else that had a hard childhood:
Wow, I cannot believe all the stories of abusive chilhoods! And this is only a small sampling of people! This just proves that so many families put on this facade to outsiders that everything is perfect, when in reality abuse is occurring in the house. This also proves that there is a good chance that the many people we interact with daily either were in/are in an abusive family situation. How horrible!
I can't believe how so many parents can be so cruel to their own children!! I now feel extremely lucky to have grown up without abuse. I never thought abuse happened so often, but most people never talk about it, so one never knows.
These stories also prove that the cycle can be broken, and not every child of abuse will do the same with their children. That is very inspiring!
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Torbetta
#58719 - 04/07/04 07:29 AM
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MissS
Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 837
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Well, I'm very glad it's over with. It's been so long now, that I'm able to think of the positive side of things.
My brother has had lots of problems. He's been married 5 times and has one child from his first marriage. He's had a lot of anger issues to deal with. He's never hurt anyone, but he gets angry easily, over nothing. He has struggled a lot with his own "demons".
I think it's even harder on guys when they grow up. They seem to have a more difficult time separating themselves from their past.
My brother went through a lot more than I did. We each have our own horror stories, but he has a lot more and worse.
He's a good guy though, and he's still there to help us whenever we need it.
His present wife is a wonderful lady and she's a great help to him. He adores her and listens to her; I think he's gonna make it now. He also recently became a Christian, which has really helped him get a foothold in his life.
He has a heart of gold and helps anyone whoever needs it.
Thanks for asking, Torbetta!
Terri
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You ROCK, Terri!
#58726 - 04/07/04 07:52 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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You're a champ. Amazing story. Don't you often wonder why you had a natural ability to nourish as you did your little sister? You are SOOOO incredible.
What you said -- "Our parents . . . I forgave them a long time ago, and when I did, I freed myself from their hold on me" -- is truly the secret for all of us who cling to the anger, resentment and hatred. The sooner we do that, the sooner we get better and begin to live our lives the way they should be. You're right on!
Girlfriend, your story explains why you turned out the loving person you obviously are. You're a survivor, you should be very proud of yourself.
Your friend,
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Well, Bev, I consider you to be a fellow survivor as well. I read your stories and I was just blown away by it. How dreadful for you!
Amazing how these things can have a way of turning into something good for us later on. We can sure learn a lot from the bad things, as well as the good.
Thanks for the kind words, Bev! You're quite a jewel!!!
Your friend,
Terri
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My heart goes out to everyone who had the courage to share their painful stories. You all are survivors, and I applaud you.
I know I'm not very active on the boards (time/work restraints), but I feel like I know you all so well from reading the posts. This is such a close group, and a very special bunch of people. And I want to thank you all for the helpful support and advice you've given me when I have been able to pop in to vent or ask a question.
I grew up as an only child, which had it's good and bad points. Growing up, I loved the solitude of being alone, but now that I'm getting older, I crave and miss that bond that only siblings have, and I get depressed when I think that I'll never be an aunt.  My husband's an only child, too.
Big hugs to everyone!
Kristine
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I was just like you, mom & dad and 4 yrs old brother and always painfully shy. People would ask me a question and I'd hide behind my mom and she'd say, "she's shy". Spent most of my life feeling different from everyone else, wishing I was more outgoing and socialable. When I did get a close friend they meant the world to me. Then they'd move away or something would happen and have to find another good friend. Having this illness just makes us feel more alone and friendless and sort of like an oddball, doesn't it? Like we really needed this! My closest family and friends seem pretty supportive but I know deep down they just don't get it and probably think I'm being a hypochondriac and that makes you sometimes doubt yourself. It wasn't until I came to this board that I realized so many other "normal" people also have this and IT IS NOT IN OUR HEADS and we always have understanding friends here, and that means an awful lot!!  . Other than the shy part and a few minor things I wouldn't change my childhood or family for the world. I wish I had the nerve to put my photo here and would love to if it was just us, but I can't for a couple of reasons but I'm smiling at you!
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