I don't want to go on vacation.
#359202 - 06/10/10 10:34 AM
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Nugget
Reged: 02/10/03
Posts: 2167
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My husband has been planning this vacation with his daughter for about a year now over the 4th of July week this year. Problem is...I don't really want to go after just having lost my mother 2 weeks ago and all. Plus, this vacation falls on our 12th anniversary and I'd rather spend our anniversary trip just the two of us. Plus, I don't really know his daughter that well. We are just getting to know each other and she and my husband are getting reaquainted.
I just am dreading the trip and would rather stay home by myself and regroup after having just lost mom. Ya know? Ugh! But, if I tell my husband I don't want to go, it would just cause a lot of conflict....and I don't need that right now.
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Nugget
You should go.It may be a chance for you to connect with your step daughter too.Your husband could use the support too.I know it sounds like a tention filled not my kinda thing trip but you may be surprised.
Our anniversary is coming up too but we will do nothing...again.That doesn't bother me too much though so I am ok.
How is your IBS doing...do you think that is part of the reason you don't want to go?
We just booked flights to NewFoundland for August...going to see family I've never met..and my IBSand anxiety have shot through the roof just THINKING about it, and its afew months away!.
I hope you take this opportunity and I hope it works out great for you.
Good luck.
Chris
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IBS-D since 1999...mostly stable..i do cheat too.Bad me.
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Nugget,
If you feel you can't cancel the trip - Are you going some place where you can be alone if you feel like it? Can you talk to your husband before you go on the trip and tell him you want to get to know his daughter and support him but that you are having a difficult time right now and you will agree to go but there may be times when you just need to be alone to relax and read, or whatever you feel you need to do?
If you establish before hand that it is nothing personal against them hopefully they will understand and it may take some of the stress off of you knowing you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You are still grieving over the loss of your Mother. I don't think it is unreasonable for you to do what you need to do for yourself.
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Janey
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Do what you have to, to get through the loss of your mom. If you really don't want to go then don't maybe you can have a balance between the two like have a nice diner with them before they leave on the trip. Just tell you dh how your feeling. I know getting out and getting away from things can be a big help and maybe you can plan something you want to do as well. Or when you go maybe you can plan some alone time for your self and let them go do something for the day and you can take the day to yourself and spend it how you want then meet up with them for diner or lunch or something. Just to get away sometimes and breath differant air and to see something new helps alot sometimes. Hope this helps and you feel better soon.
Hugs
Sheila
Ibs-c gas
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I know I should go...and mom would want me to go, too. Yes, I'm a little nervous about how my IBS will behave around people I don't know...and away from home with people I don't know, plus the stress of having just lost my mother. I know I will enjoy myself once the trip gets going....but it is going to be a busy, busy trip...that's the part I'm not looking forward to. We will basically be in a different town every day...will stay two days in a couple places...and while we are in those places, we have things planned to do....none of this sitting around and relaxing. Ugh! I already plan to take lots of photos of the scenery..that's my escape. But I don't want to start crying lots and ruin everyone's trip. Ya know?
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Hi Janey....the thing is, this trip is going to be a hurried, something planned every day trip...in a different place every day or every other day. Ugh! I just am not up to it right now. I'm going to take my camera and immerse myself in my photography of the scenery...so that will be my escape. I just hope my IBS behaves. Would be terrible to have to run to the bathroom all the time when around people I don't know. Ugh!
{{{hugs}}
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Hi Sheila...
I agree...getting away for a while will be good...but I wish it wasn't going to be such a busy trip. It's not going to be relaxing...because there is something planned every day. Sounds stressful to me.
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it does sound busy. If you need a break on the trip take one theres no sjame in that! Take care of YOU!
emmasmom
ibs - gas
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I hear ya on that one.
we were going to drive on our vacation....3 days of straight driving and I opted to fly instead.Have you talked to your hisband?Does he know that this trip makes you nervous?
Maybe he would understand...maybe he would be ok with going without you.
Have you got anything to help with the anxiety?Thats my problem..I know i will be fine once i get there its just GETTING THERE!!!lol
And as far as the bathroom goes...just go.Don't worry about it.Your husband knows and if he is supportive then he will understand your need for bathroom planning.
I hope it works out for you.
Good luck.
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IBS-D since 1999...mostly stable..i do cheat too.Bad me.
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Thanks...I will.
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Thanks...Yes, I take a low dose of Lexapro for anxiety. AND I always keep Imodium on hand. It's like my American Express...Never Leave Home Without It! LOL!
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I am just going to say from the point of view of someone who lost a parent and has been there grief is a complex thing and as a husband I will say that while I might be disappointed that my wife did not want to go it is my job first and foremost to support her in what it is that she needs that said if you don't feel up to it be honest there is never any shame in telling the people you love how you feel particularly in such a stressful time. Keeping things bottled up is a stress trigger and I think we can agree that is a major IBS no, no do what is right for you and it will all work out
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IBS-D with gas
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thanks so much, Wizard. I really appreciate the thoughts. I've kind of just decided to "go with the flow" and see what happens. Mom always told me to "take it one day at a time". So that's about all I can do. If I need to go off by myself once in a while during the trip...I'll just do it.
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Hi Nugget,
I'm happy you decided to go on the holiday. I can completely understand your desire to stay home as well. I lost my beloved grandma on May 22, suddenly, though in our hearts, it was expected. She was 82, with a very weak heart. She had heart valve replacement 3 times. Since she passed away I haven't wanted to do much. But I know she wouldn't want me to sit in the house and cry. She would want me to carry on. And I have to carry on, my surgery is only 4 days away now, and I had fully expected her to be here for my recovery. Sadly, she's not.
I understand your heartache, I feel my own right now.
Try to enjoy your holiday and your time with the family. It is not just time for your husband and step daughter, but time for you as well.
Take care of you, big hugs ((((((((((( HUG))))))))))))
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up! 
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Hi Casandra...
I'm so sorry about the loss of your grandmother. {{hugs}} My grandmother passed away on May 22, too....eleven years ago now. And now my mother on May 28 this year. It's tough...my heart goes out to you and your family.
Forgive me for not knowing....or maybe I just don't remember...what kind of surgery are you having? I'll keep you in my prayers.
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Hey Nugget,
Thanks for the hugs!! I've been getting a lot of them lately! And I'm cherishing every one!
I'm having brain surgery for Chiari malformation on June 22nd. My skull is too small for my brain and my brain is herniated into my first vertebra about 8 to 10mm. There more about it on my blog, if you're interested.
Hope you're having a great day!!
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up!
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wow! I'm so sorry you are having to go through such a rough time. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping all goes well. Sending prayers and hugs your way.
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