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I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else
      #352647 - 11/24/09 11:38 AM

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Im so sick the only time I can do anything is at night and I work 5 days a week,so 2 days a week I only have time to cook clean and see my boyfriend..my mom is on me and bitches all the time about how she doesn't get any help from me. Well she doesn't even work and I work hard at my job. I do do the dishes when I can and I cleaned the fridge the other day. It's like shes telling me how worthless I am. It really depresses me I have it so hard I can't be there for anyone else. I get told I act helpless all the tim and when my mom gets pissy and complains she has to take out the garbage,I say well I can later tonight,and she says nevermind and does it herself and then complains some more about how I never do it.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352648 - 11/24/09 11:53 AM
frygurl

Reged: 08/18/09
Posts: 332


This is a hard situation to be in, and it certainly isn't helping your IBS. I am guessing you are not paying rent, is that right? Maybe your mom feels that it's unfair for you to live in the house rent free and also without consistent contributions to the household. Even though you do have a job, if you don't contribute any of your earnings to the costs of running the house, then your mom may have a reasonable expectation for you to do something else instead.

Maybe a good resolution would be to sit down with your mom, when she's not angry, and ask her what chores she thinks it would be fair for you to do on a regular basis. Negotiate with her. Come to an agreement that works for both of you, and then stick to it the very best you can. Do things before she asks you to. This is a good way to show appreciation for her allowing you to live there rent free. Not all parents allow this - may parents didn't.

I understand about feeling sick, especially in the mornings. Those are the worst for me too. I wonder if it would help you to get up and move around, and in fact maybe do some chores or other activities in the morning when you're feeling ill. I've done that on a few occasions and it has helped me shift my focus from my symptoms, and in turn helps them pass faster, or at least with less suffering on my part. Too much focus on IBS perpetuates the cycle. I'm working on that aspect as well because it is very difficult not to focus on it when you feel so ill.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352649 - 11/24/09 11:56 AM

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no If I move around I feel to nasous,I always feel better sitting. she doesn't work or pay any bills,this is my dad's house and she lives here for free. its like every little thing is a major inconveinence in her life. She can't even drive me to work without complaining and whining about the traffic,like if a semi is turning the same way as us she will be like like oh great and start bitching and whining. it happens everyday..and today I spilled a little pop cuz someone left an opened one on the counter and I knocked it over,and I was trying to hurry and clean it so I could go sit down cuz I felt so sick and nasous,and she was signed and started whining and complaining,she was like nevermind I'll do it.

Edited by aperson (11/24/09 11:59 AM)

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352650 - 11/24/09 12:12 PM
frygurl

Reged: 08/18/09
Posts: 332


This may sound harsh, but I think you need to hear it. You really need to change your attitude. It's not your place to say what your mom (stepmom?) should be contributing, and frankly it makes you sound immature. I understand that you don't feel well a lot of the time, but as I said in my previous post, if your parents let you live in their home rent free, it is your responsibility to contribute in some way. You have the ability to do so, and you should. It is inconvenient for others to always have to drive you to work and the store, and to do chores that you should be helping with. Maybe it's time you finally got your driver's license. Maybe it's time you start looking at more ways to contribute around the house. Maybe it's time to stop blaming your mom and others from expecting a little more from you. Stop being a victim. You will never feel better with that attitude. I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, but sometimes we all need a little tough love.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352653 - 11/24/09 12:36 PM

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it's agony trying to get things done during the day when I have to work so I do things 2 days a week,at night. When I try to do things during the day,I either get cramped over,nasous,its terrible, and in the toilet every few minutes or several times an hour,Iits a chore just getting up to get tea or food. My mom needs to realize I can't just snap up and do things right when she wants me to. I never said she needed to contribute,but her and my sister live here for free and are in debt to my dad(parents divorced my mom no where to live so lives with us) They sit on their butts all day and when they have to do anything they whine and complain. They don't have anything wrong with them. I usually feel pretty tired even before I go to work cuz I can't get enough sleep plus my ibs just drains me even more. I suppose instead of relaxing after cooking on my days in taking out the garbage or vacuming a room,but its hard since I barley fit in getting my room cleaned before 11pm,and by that time im pretty exhausted. like right now I'm getting hot and cold,sides bulging,and I don't know I can make it to my 4pm appointment I scheduled a month ago.

im leaving the boards,to just totally relax and hope I have some more bms before my appointment or ill be feeling pretty nasous and terrible. Even getting ready for work at 4pm,I feel so awful sometimes I'm a few minutes late im draging myself around to get ready. some days I want to cry so bad at work becaue of how awful I feel but don't. I was dizzy and have felt so sick I thought I was going to faint. I don't sit around feeling sorry,only really sick,and I really don't get much compassion from anyone,I don't care,but it makes me want to cry when my boyfriend shows compassion or asks if I'm ok. ALl i'm thinking is yes its just how it is or that it won't shorten my life its just really uncomfortable and that I'm used to this.

Edited by aperson (11/24/09 12:39 PM)

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Some thoughts about this new
      #352654 - 11/24/09 12:47 PM
Windchimes

Reged: 09/05/09
Posts: 581
Loc: Northern California

Actually making yourself move around is of benefit to overcoming symptoms. You have indicated in posts (and profile) that you have trouble with complete evacuation. Thus excercise would be very good!

You might try helping out around the house and sitting down between chores, rather than being at the computer most of the day. Obviously, you are able to work at McD's and manage to stand up and do the work assigned to you 5 days a week.

We are here to hopefully encourage and help one another, as needed and asked. Sometimes we say things that another does not want to hear.

Try getting some exercise, such as taking out the garbage and cleaning up the kitchen after you cook or eat, and beyond, to help out your mother and make for better rapport between the two of you.

Doing such will boost your morale, your quality of live, purpose in life, and help you with your IBS-C symptoms.

There are no 'free' rides in life. There is always a payoff somewhere, often self-destructive.

--------------------
Senior female, IBS-D, presently stable thanks to Heather & Staff

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352655 - 11/24/09 12:53 PM
Windchimes

Reged: 09/05/09
Posts: 581
Loc: Northern California

It sounds like you are angry, bitter, and full of resentment towards your family. Have you considered psychotherapy? You might find such very helpful in getting on with your own life, independent from what is not presently working towards a better and more productive life.

Best to you!

--------------------
Senior female, IBS-D, presently stable thanks to Heather & Staff

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Re: Some thoughts about this new
      #352656 - 11/24/09 12:56 PM

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its not ibs c,its psuedo diarreah.not hard bm's in the middle,or soft and mushy,I feel constipated if I don't have tons of bms a day. workin on my feet 5 days a week is the only exercise I get..I work hard and feel so sick during the day can't exercise,on my 2 days off a week,must run errands,cook clean,no time for exercise..if my symptoms get more under control I will start by trying to work out on my 2 days off and see what happens.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352657 - 11/24/09 12:57 PM
frygurl

Reged: 08/18/09
Posts: 332


Your day to day life with IBS sounds really hard. Most of us have very few people who are compassionate about how we feel, so I can relate. I didn't mean to come off sounding like I didn't care. I respond because I do care. But I see you in this constantly bad cycle and I want to help you get out of it.

I know you've been struggling with staying on track to avoid trigger foods, how is that going for you?

For cramps, do you take Heather's peppermint capsules, and/or peppermint tea?

Ginger chews really help nausea for me, and they work instantly. Ginger tea would also help nausea.

How much acacia fiber are you taking per day? I had to go to a pretty high dose (4 tablespoons per day) to see consistent results, but now it really helps.

Maybe for several days to a week you should go on the break the cycle diet: eat nothing but white rice, plain potatoes, sourdough bread and chicken breast or white fish. And drink lots of tea. Have you tried this type of short term diet before, without cheating at all? Give it a shot - it may help you stabilize enough so that you're not debilitated every single morning.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352658 - 11/24/09 01:07 PM

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its not being debilitated just mornings but the whole day,but when I wake up less than an hour after I wake up is when the constant,gas,and being in the toilet all day starts. its a 24/7 thing when I come home from work I flop on the floor and push in places and release tons of trapped gas,even then I go to bed with some left and wake up alot during the night with gas and feeling really uncomfortable. Avoiding triggers is getting better non for a few days now,I was o hungry at the movie last night andkpt fighting the urge to share popcorn with my boyfriend,and I won.

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Not the same... new
      #352660 - 11/24/09 01:10 PM
Windchimes

Reged: 09/05/09
Posts: 581
Loc: Northern California

I wasn't referring to 'working out'.

I was referring to the simple excercise of taking out garbage, cleaning up the kitchen, and other miscellaneous activities of general housekeeping. This would help mend the bridge between you and your mother in the process of doing. Such would benefit you both physically and psychologically.

You can always sit down for a few minutes between chores if you need to.

--------------------
Senior female, IBS-D, presently stable thanks to Heather & Staff

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352661 - 11/24/09 01:15 PM
frygurl

Reged: 08/18/09
Posts: 332


I'm glad you avoided eating the popcorn - that can really cause problems between the insoluble fiber, fat, and dairy content. You didn't really answer my other questions, you only described your symptoms. Can you share more about what you are doing to treat IBS? I suggested several things that I think will help in my previous post.

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I give up... you just don't get it! -nt- new
      #352662 - 11/24/09 01:20 PM
Windchimes

Reged: 09/05/09
Posts: 581
Loc: Northern California



--------------------
Senior female, IBS-D, presently stable thanks to Heather & Staff

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352663 - 11/24/09 01:38 PM

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i'm drinking a pot of fennel tea a day,eating ibs recipes or safe things like fat free pretzels,fat free saltines,safe french bread sandwiches with safe all natural turkey sandwich meat,tuna with heathers tuna melt recipe. I take the pepermint capsules,align,birth control,can't have much pepermint. I take hot bathes,I take acacia,and fibercon.

Edited by aperson (11/24/09 01:40 PM)

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352699 - 11/25/09 06:44 PM
renee21

Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 486
Loc: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

I'm just curious, have you ever tried cutting out wheat to see if that helps? I know that a lot of people with IBS eat it, but many of us cannot. In fact a growing number of people without IBS can't tolerate it, either. Just wondering.
I also agree with others on here that it seems you need more support than you are getting right now. I would strongly encourage some kind of therapy.

--------------------
IBS-C, lots of spasm and trapped gas.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352707 - 11/26/09 07:03 AM

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why would wheat be a problem? I don't eat whole wheat or anything,just enriched wheat flour or watever. it's not like I have celiac or anything besides ibs. It's already so hard not to have triggers. If I can't have many of heather's ibs safe recipes or ibs safe ones from this board,I would go insane. I don't think I could give it up and I refuse. If my diet has to be even more bland that I have to give up wheat,I think I'd fall back into eating trigger foods since It's so hard for me not to have those. I refuse to give up my fat free saltines and all the ibs safe recipes I make. Heather's pumkin pie,chicken pot pie,corn and crab soup,lemon glazed sticky bread,chicken and dumplings and more.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352713 - 11/26/09 09:19 AM
DanaDivine

Reged: 09/30/09
Posts: 95


I've read and heard from so many sources how hard wheat is on everyone's digestion. I DO seem to do better without it. But it really is a challenge to avoid it all the time.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352715 - 11/26/09 09:49 AM

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maybe all the incomplete evacuation is really irritating my colon? well I'm doing a trigger free diet for a few weeks,its been a few days now. I will continue making heather's recipes,and eating safely to see if I get better..then I think move on to elimination diet,the trial and error thing.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352721 - 11/26/09 02:35 PM
renee21

Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 486
Loc: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

I find your attitude a little troubling. I wouldn't "refuse" to do anything if I thought it might relieve my pain. I am not saying that eliminating wheat is the answer for you. I am just wondering if that kind of mindset isn't a little counterproductive in terms of experimenting and finding out what works best for your system. One thing with IBS is you gotta be willing to try, try and try again!
Plus, it's not like I'm suggesting you cut out water - wheat is an irritant to many people, not just celiacs or IBSers. Even my healthy roommate complains that it makes her bloated and constipated. Wheat contains gluten, a protein which can be hard to digest. I have tested negative for celiac and yet I found white flour products are like glue in my system.

--------------------
IBS-C, lots of spasm and trapped gas.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352722 - 11/26/09 02:50 PM

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what do you mean, "glue" in your system? ok sometimes I get down and other times I am very determined to do watever I need to do to get stable. SOmetimes its just when I'm happy and cheerful I will go for a trigger,is that common? well right now I will continue making ibs safe recipes and see if in a month I see any improvement..I think my colon is really irritated from bad foods and all the incomplete evacuation everyday. its not really pain,well cramping then in the bathroom all day,I would say sometimes the cramping hurts but lots of the time its just wat happens before a bm..I think thats cramping. the worst is feeling so umcomfortable with incomplete evacuation and,bloating,spasms,gas and mucus,not too much pain,but I can get tight knots that make me feel better when I sit down..but it doesn't bring me to my knees.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352724 - 11/26/09 04:21 PM
Windchimes

Reged: 09/05/09
Posts: 581
Loc: Northern California

Have you had a colonoscopy for an official diagnosis? Are you keeping your meals small? Are you obese?

--------------------
Senior female, IBS-D, presently stable thanks to Heather & Staff

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352731 - 11/26/09 06:46 PM

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I've had tons of tests done,no colonoscopy, but a barium enema and x rays. NO I am not obese,but I don't have a flat stomach either, im 5ft 3.5 and weight 130lbs. im sure i will be losing some soon becaue I gave up triggers,which were all really high in fat.

Edited by aperson (11/26/09 06:48 PM)

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Colonoscopy is a must... new
      #352733 - 11/26/09 07:07 PM
Windchimes

Reged: 09/05/09
Posts: 581
Loc: Northern California

Per Heather's book, a colonoscopy is a must for diagnosing IBS properly. X-rays and barium enema (outdated) are not reliable for IBS.

In addition, you need to drink LOTS of water or tea every day. Minnie says we need more than 8 glasses of water or tea per day.

I suggest that you step up your water/tea intake, and make arrangements for a colonoscopy. The procedure is not uncomfortable at all, and the prep the night before will clean you out good, and then you can start fresh again.

--------------------
Senior female, IBS-D, presently stable thanks to Heather & Staff

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Re: Colonoscopy is a must... new
      #352734 - 11/26/09 08:28 PM

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I have no money nor insurance for a colonoscopy. I drink 12 cups of tea a day,plus other things like rice and soy milk and bottled water at work.

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You can't claim IBS if you have not been properly diagnosed -nt- new
      #352735 - 11/26/09 08:45 PM
Windchimes

Reged: 09/05/09
Posts: 581
Loc: Northern California



--------------------
Senior female, IBS-D, presently stable thanks to Heather & Staff

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352737 - 11/26/09 09:06 PM
DanaDivine

Reged: 09/30/09
Posts: 95


I feel like I'm watching a train wreck.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352738 - 11/26/09 09:09 PM

Unregistered




can you go on myspace now and can I message u there?

well goodnight,I will message u and hope u answere.

Edited by aperson (11/26/09 09:21 PM)

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Rome III criteria for IBS new
      #352741 - 11/27/09 04:48 AM
Syl

Reged: 03/13/05
Posts: 5499
Loc: SK, CANADA

There has been a change in the way IBS is diagnosed. I did not realize it until I read the recent article Diagnostic Testing in Irritable Bowel Syndrome: Theory vs. Reality by Dr. Spiegel at UNC brought to our attention by Shawneric. Dr. Spiegel works with Dr. Drossman from UNC who is the President of the Rome Foundation . In the article he says

Quote:

Guidelines State that IBS is Not a Diagnosis of Exclusion
Despite the tendency to order diagnostic tests in the face of IBS symptoms, the diagnostic criteria for IBS, such as those supported by the Rome Committee, encourage clinicians to make a positive diagnosis on the basis of validated symptom criteria, and emphasize that IBS is not a diagnosis of exclusion despite the extensive list of other conditions that masquerade as IBS. This recommendation is based on extensive evidence that diagnostic testing is generally very low yield in patients with IBS who otherwise lack alarming signs or symptoms (e.g. blood in the bowel movements, unintended weight loss, anemia, etc). Studies show that meeting the Rome criteria for IBS nearly ensures a lack of underlying alternative conditions. Specifically, if a patient meets the criteria for having IBS, then there is a 98% chance that there is, in fact, IBS and only a 2% chance that there is some other condition lurking in the background. So, patients should ask their physicians if they "meet the Rome criteria." If they do, then there is a 98% chance that their diagnosis is, indeed, IBS not something else.




Apparently the new Rome III guidelines don't consider IBS to be a disorder determined by exclusion requiring a variety of tests including a colonoscopy if there are no alarming features. Go figure

--------------------
STABLE: ♂, IBS-D 50+ years - Science of IBS

The FODMAP Approach to Managing IBS Symptoms
Evidence-based Dietary Management of Functional GI Symptoms: The FODMAP Approach
FODMAP Chart & Cheatsheet
The Role of Food & Dietary Intervention in IBS

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Re: You can't claim IBS if you have not been properly diagnosed..I totally disagree new
      #352743 - 11/27/09 05:44 AM
dragonfly

Reged: 05/12/08
Posts: 1088
Loc: canada

I think it IS possible to determine IBS without all the invasive tests.
Following the EFI and finding good results shows me that it most likely IS IBS.
If you follow these guidelines and are still having some serious problems THEN you should consider looking at other problems.

Talking about your symptoms to your doctor and even to your family and friends can unleash a multitude of answers.
you may find that your mom suffered from stomach issues or your grandparents did...even aunts and uncles, and in my case all of my family have similar issues.

For my family we have figured out that stress is what has caused our bowel and stomach issues.

No stress and we feel fine.

I haven't had all the tests Heather says we should have but have had a few others.Nothing serious has shown up and the doctors can't tell me what is wrong.
My own research led me here and within a few weeks the EFI diet did for me what many doctors couldn't.

You need to educate yourself.
Not focusing on th efact that you have IBS is the first step in getting it undercontrol.

You are not IBS you HAVE IBS.

That isn't to say that if you still have serious issues that you shouldn't see a doctor and have further testing done but I don't think you can say to anyone no you don't have IBS because you didn't do all these tests.


IMHO
Christina

--------------------
IBS-D since 1999...mostly stable..i do cheat too.Bad me.


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Lemon Glazed Bread..loved it but it didn't love me.nt new
      #352744 - 11/27/09 05:51 AM
dragonfly

Reged: 05/12/08
Posts: 1088
Loc: canada



--------------------
IBS-D since 1999...mostly stable..i do cheat too.Bad me.


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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352745 - 11/27/09 05:57 AM
dragonfly

Reged: 05/12/08
Posts: 1088
Loc: canada

How old are you?

It sounds like you need to get away from this family.

everyone has issues with their parents when living at home.
i left because of it too and now my mom is my best friend.

You need to move out.Period.
Find a roommate,rent a bachelor apartment.
walk to work,take the bus whatever.

Your family is stressing you out and I think that is what is keeping you from getting better.

Do you have any other family you could move in with and pay rent to?

I really think you bounce from solution to solution and never really give anything a chance.
And just for clarification,just because Heather has something in her book that says its IBS safe doesn't mean it is safe for YOU.
You need to get back to a basic diet and stabilize yourself.

but first get the heck outta that house.
IMHO

--------------------
IBS-D since 1999...mostly stable..i do cheat too.Bad me.


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Syl new
      #352746 - 11/27/09 06:20 AM
Gerikat

Reged: 06/21/09
Posts: 1285


This is very helpful to many. I was never given a definitve DX either. They just couldn't figure it out. I did have certain tests, which proved nothing, so I was left hanging.

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syl,dragonfly,horrible today don't know why new
      #352751 - 11/27/09 07:48 AM

Unregistered




I'm broke,and if I had to pay any rent,I couldn't afford it, I have a doctor bill to pay,a prescription out of my own pocket every month,food,plus heather's teas and stuff. I can bareley support myself living here for free! I refuse to share a bathroom with someone else as I'm in there all day. It was a nightmare when both bathrooms in this house were occupied at the same time and I had to use it NOW! it was horrible! I'm a terribly light sleeper and when people have guests at night,I could never fall asleep. I'd be quit uncomfortable around other people than my own family with my severe ibs. I am not going to try to explain my ibs to more relatives or anyone and have everyone tell me see a doctor or have everyone pushing food on me. I truly need my own room,privacy. THis house has everything I need,my own computer,my tv,everything I need in my room,lock on door. I wouldn't have much of a say so at someone else's house as much as I do here,even if I paid rent.

I wanted to say,something really didn't agree with me,I drank 3 kinds of tea yesterday,heather's fennel,republica of tea get relief-naturally caffeine free has cinnamon,anise,fennel,and 2 cups of pepermint tea..I"m having smelly gas,tender sides,I was up most of the night. with the worse gas I've had in my life. I was taking a bath and everytime I release explosive smelly gas,I checked the water cuz I thought I had an accident. I burped gross tastes last night,I couldn't believe how uncomfortable the spasms and gas were! I wanted to cry. Having smelly gas only happens to me when my insides turned to mush. Should I just go ahead and take an immodium now or see what happens? I have to work today and no way can I call in,especially since its black friday..im at a loss...I think this experience cu