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I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else
      #352647 - 11/24/09 11:38 AM

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Im so sick the only time I can do anything is at night and I work 5 days a week,so 2 days a week I only have time to cook clean and see my boyfriend..my mom is on me and bitches all the time about how she doesn't get any help from me. Well she doesn't even work and I work hard at my job. I do do the dishes when I can and I cleaned the fridge the other day. It's like shes telling me how worthless I am. It really depresses me I have it so hard I can't be there for anyone else. I get told I act helpless all the tim and when my mom gets pissy and complains she has to take out the garbage,I say well I can later tonight,and she says nevermind and does it herself and then complains some more about how I never do it.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352648 - 11/24/09 11:53 AM
frygurl

Reged: 08/18/09
Posts: 332


This is a hard situation to be in, and it certainly isn't helping your IBS. I am guessing you are not paying rent, is that right? Maybe your mom feels that it's unfair for you to live in the house rent free and also without consistent contributions to the household. Even though you do have a job, if you don't contribute any of your earnings to the costs of running the house, then your mom may have a reasonable expectation for you to do something else instead.

Maybe a good resolution would be to sit down with your mom, when she's not angry, and ask her what chores she thinks it would be fair for you to do on a regular basis. Negotiate with her. Come to an agreement that works for both of you, and then stick to it the very best you can. Do things before she asks you to. This is a good way to show appreciation for her allowing you to live there rent free. Not all parents allow this - may parents didn't.

I understand about feeling sick, especially in the mornings. Those are the worst for me too. I wonder if it would help you to get up and move around, and in fact maybe do some chores or other activities in the morning when you're feeling ill. I've done that on a few occasions and it has helped me shift my focus from my symptoms, and in turn helps them pass faster, or at least with less suffering on my part. Too much focus on IBS perpetuates the cycle. I'm working on that aspect as well because it is very difficult not to focus on it when you feel so ill.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352649 - 11/24/09 11:56 AM

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no If I move around I feel to nasous,I always feel better sitting. she doesn't work or pay any bills,this is my dad's house and she lives here for free. its like every little thing is a major inconveinence in her life. She can't even drive me to work without complaining and whining about the traffic,like if a semi is turning the same way as us she will be like like oh great and start bitching and whining. it happens everyday..and today I spilled a little pop cuz someone left an opened one on the counter and I knocked it over,and I was trying to hurry and clean it so I could go sit down cuz I felt so sick and nasous,and she was signed and started whining and complaining,she was like nevermind I'll do it.

Edited by aperson (11/24/09 11:59 AM)

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352650 - 11/24/09 12:12 PM
frygurl

Reged: 08/18/09
Posts: 332


This may sound harsh, but I think you need to hear it. You really need to change your attitude. It's not your place to say what your mom (stepmom?) should be contributing, and frankly it makes you sound immature. I understand that you don't feel well a lot of the time, but as I said in my previous post, if your parents let you live in their home rent free, it is your responsibility to contribute in some way. You have the ability to do so, and you should. It is inconvenient for others to always have to drive you to work and the store, and to do chores that you should be helping with. Maybe it's time you finally got your driver's license. Maybe it's time you start looking at more ways to contribute around the house. Maybe it's time to stop blaming your mom and others from expecting a little more from you. Stop being a victim. You will never feel better with that attitude. I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, but sometimes we all need a little tough love.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352653 - 11/24/09 12:36 PM

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it's agony trying to get things done during the day when I have to work so I do things 2 days a week,at night. When I try to do things during the day,I either get cramped over,nasous,its terrible, and in the toilet every few minutes or several times an hour,Iits a chore just getting up to get tea or food. My mom needs to realize I can't just snap up and do things right when she wants me to. I never said she needed to contribute,but her and my sister live here for free and are in debt to my dad(parents divorced my mom no where to live so lives with us) They sit on their butts all day and when they have to do anything they whine and complain. They don't have anything wrong with them. I usually feel pretty tired even before I go to work cuz I can't get enough sleep plus my ibs just drains me even more. I suppose instead of relaxing after cooking on my days in taking out the garbage or vacuming a room,but its hard since I barley fit in getting my room cleaned before 11pm,and by that time im pretty exhausted. like right now I'm getting hot and cold,sides bulging,and I don't know I can make it to my 4pm appointment I scheduled a month ago.

im leaving the boards,to just totally relax and hope I have some more bms before my appointment or ill be feeling pretty nasous and terrible. Even getting ready for work at 4pm,I feel so awful sometimes I'm a few minutes late im draging myself around to get ready. some days I want to cry so bad at work becaue of how awful I feel but don't. I was dizzy and have felt so sick I thought I was going to faint. I don't sit around feeling sorry,only really sick,and I really don't get much compassion from anyone,I don't care,but it makes me want to cry when my boyfriend shows compassion or asks if I'm ok. ALl i'm thinking is yes its just how it is or that it won't shorten my life its just really uncomfortable and that I'm used to this.

Edited by aperson (11/24/09 12:39 PM)

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Some thoughts about this new
      #352654 - 11/24/09 12:47 PM
Windchimes

Reged: 09/05/09
Posts: 581
Loc: Northern California

Actually making yourself move around is of benefit to overcoming symptoms. You have indicated in posts (and profile) that you have trouble with complete evacuation. Thus excercise would be very good!

You might try helping out around the house and sitting down between chores, rather than being at the computer most of the day. Obviously, you are able to work at McD's and manage to stand up and do the work assigned to you 5 days a week.

We are here to hopefully encourage and help one another, as needed and asked. Sometimes we say things that another does not want to hear.

Try getting some exercise, such as taking out the garbage and cleaning up the kitchen after you cook or eat, and beyond, to help out your mother and make for better rapport between the two of you.

Doing such will boost your morale, your quality of live, purpose in life, and help you with your IBS-C symptoms.

There are no 'free' rides in life. There is always a payoff somewhere, often self-destructive.

--------------------
Senior female, IBS-D, presently stable thanks to Heather & Staff

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352655 - 11/24/09 12:53 PM
Windchimes

Reged: 09/05/09
Posts: 581
Loc: Northern California

It sounds like you are angry, bitter, and full of resentment towards your family. Have you considered psychotherapy? You might find such very helpful in getting on with your own life, independent from what is not presently working towards a better and more productive life.

Best to you!

--------------------
Senior female, IBS-D, presently stable thanks to Heather & Staff

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Re: Some thoughts about this new
      #352656 - 11/24/09 12:56 PM

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its not ibs c,its psuedo diarreah.not hard bm's in the middle,or soft and mushy,I feel constipated if I don't have tons of bms a day. workin on my feet 5 days a week is the only exercise I get..I work hard and feel so sick during the day can't exercise,on my 2 days off a week,must run errands,cook clean,no time for exercise..if my symptoms get more under control I will start by trying to work out on my 2 days off and see what happens.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352657 - 11/24/09 12:57 PM
frygurl

Reged: 08/18/09
Posts: 332


Your day to day life with IBS sounds really hard. Most of us have very few people who are compassionate about how we feel, so I can relate. I didn't mean to come off sounding like I didn't care. I respond because I do care. But I see you in this constantly bad cycle and I want to help you get out of it.

I know you've been struggling with staying on track to avoid trigger foods, how is that going for you?

For cramps, do you take Heather's peppermint capsules, and/or peppermint tea?

Ginger chews really help nausea for me, and they work instantly. Ginger tea would also help nausea.

How much acacia fiber are you taking per day? I had to go to a pretty high dose (4 tablespoons per day) to see consistent results, but now it really helps.

Maybe for several days to a week you should go on the break the cycle diet: eat nothing but white rice, plain potatoes, sourdough bread and chicken breast or white fish. And drink lots of tea. Have you tried this type of short term diet before, without cheating at all? Give it a shot - it may help you stabilize enough so that you're not debilitated every single morning.

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Re: I feel so bad that I can't help anyone else new
      #352658 - 11/24/09 01:07 PM

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its not being debilitated just mornings but the whole day,but when I wake up less than an hour after I wake up is when the constant,gas,and being in the toilet all day starts. its a 24/7 thing when I come home from work I flop on the floor and push in places and release tons of trapped gas,even then I go to bed with some left and wake up alot during the night with gas and feeling really uncomfortable. Avoiding triggers is getting better non for a few days now,I was o hungry at the movie last night andkpt fighting the urge to share popcorn with my boyfriend,and I won.

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