felt stronger: ate braver: feel crappy: but only mild panic
#332007 - 07/04/08 04:45 PM
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hawkeye
Reged: 06/16/03
Posts: 705
Loc: NYC
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Well the subject heading is my situation in a nutshell. I've been sort of experimenting with not worrying about whether the food I'm eating will make me sick. I can't quite do it, so I pretend that I'm not worried. Its sort of silly but it also kind of works. So I've been feeling a little braver about food, and ate shrimp tonight, instead of chicken which is what I eat CONSTANTLY. It was also a stressful meal for me, out with my inlaws, so I should have known better than to experiment this evening. I felt fine throughout the meal and I was eating really slowly, to check in how I felt. (which people who don't worry about getting sick, don't do, so yes, my progress has only gone so far) Anyway by the end of the meal I felt terribly queasy and had to run to the mens room several times with d. We were 30 minutes from home, and at an endless family meal out at a restaurant. I felt on the verge of panic, so I took a walk around the block, during which I felt better until I felt more d coming on. I went in to my wife, said we have to go immediately, I'll be in the car waiting, and I"m sorry!
Driving home, I began to do some visualization on getting better, and now that I'm home, I'm trying to continue that. To just keep checking in with how I actually feel, and not get into the drama of what might happen. Its soooo hard. I keep having moments where I feel strong and moments when I lose my will to overcome this and start to crumble. I keep wanting to reach for the phone to call my therapist, but then I have to remind myself that she's not able to take this feeling away from me, and that all she can do is remind me to stay in the present moment. Also once I call her, I think I'll break down. And I don't want to go down that road. I want to face this step by step, no matter what happens, thats the goal. The truth is, I thought typing this would make me feel better, but instead its pulled me a little more into the panicked, desparate, frame of mind that I get stuck in, during these times, so I need to stop now. I have to not to keep imagining how bad it might get, but to stay with how I feel now. I can just barely imagine that I could do that....
Thanks to anyone who's listening!
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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I'm so sorry - I know exactly what you are feeling - remember, I'm the queen of "what ifs"? :-) The therapist I used to see told me I had myself (mentally) in ICU and I wasn't even in the hospital... Our "gut" and our brain are so closely tied together, the stress + new food = what you experienced. But, as you said, stay in the moment - remember, you've been there before, you made it and these are just symptoms, that WILL go away and you will be safe and well once again. It has not "come to stay". My doctor always asks if I'm depressed - I tell him, only when I'm sick... So, how to stop the cycle - I'm worrying because this or that "might" happen, my gut picks up on the worry/anxiety, the symptoms start...D, cramps, whatever... then my body tells my brain - "man, this is bad"... what if????
So, you are not alone, friend, there are many of us on this crazy IBS merry-go-round... BUT, I pray you are better today and that you have a supportive wife and/or people that love and understand what you are going through. I'm only one, but I do understand. Take good care, remember God made you just the way you are and you are the answer to someone's (or many peoples) prayers. We don't walk through things for no reason - it's to be there for someone else when they go through the same or similar situation....
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"I Will Survive! :-)... I shall live and not die and declare the works of The Lord..."
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Thanks GaGa! As I work on stopping that cycle of obsessing, some part of me fights back, and does it through ibs in part. Its rough going but I"m committed to finding some freedom from this way of thinking/living. I'm not a religious person at all and don't find any comfort in the idea of a God with a plan for me. But the truth is, if I could translate your post into my own words, its sounds similar to what I believe about the way we are all connected. Thanks for your supportive words.
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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You're attitude is so right and it makes no difference about religion... I don't even like that word - it's just who I am, how I believe. But, our thoughts are similar, maybe different sources. I too am committed to breaking this crazy cycle... I want to LIVE! LAUGH! ENJOY EVERY DAY! but, for the moment, it seems I have difficulty making any commitment in advance. Talk about panic! I just had some dental surgery on Thursday - started bleeding profusely - to the point they had to stop the procedure completely and arrest the bleeding. Scared the crap out of me when they "happened" to mention they thought it was an artery - so you can imagine the panic/anxiety/what ifs I've been going through. How to stop the thinking????!!! A guest columnist in our local newspaper had an interesting article today about her own anxiety...very open about her own journey - counseling, meds, self-help... said her husband was going to block the "health channel" from their TV - since she tends to read it/see it and then "what if"... very brave of her... Wish we could buy a "magic wand" on E-Bay to make everyone all better 
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"I Will Survive! :-)... I shall live and not die and declare the works of The Lord..."
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Your on the right road! Don't give up just take it slowley. Just one day at a time is all you can do. Good luck to you!
emmasmom
ibs-c gas
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Hey Hawkeye.
I missed this post - I was so busy this weekend I wasn't on the computer. I'm glad you are able to have moments of "normal" it is a huge step. And yeah, unfortunately you had to feel crappy later. Sorry, I guess we all just suffer the consquences of our tums now and again. How was your shrimp prepared? Maybe it was just a trigger ingredient. No worries mate!! One step at a time my friend, you are continuing to climb the ladder.
Hope you're having a good day!
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up! 
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I have always been a fighter when it comes to problems, so I understand just how annoying it is to be sidelined both physically and mentally. So when my mindset gets really bad, I throw myself a "pity party" with friends or family. We trash-talk our medical problems while watching a movie and it helps to clear your mind. Plus it's fun!
Take care!
T.G.
Digest This Comic!
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