As an adult....have your parents done anything that embarrassed you?
#32669 - 12/18/03 12:39 PM
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Nugget
Reged: 02/10/03
Posts: 2167
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I have been thinking.....and wondering....if anyone went through something similar to what I went through as a kid and now as an adult. I love my parents, don't get me wrong, and I appreciate all they have done for me. I feel, however that the living conditions they have now and as I was growing up weren't necessary. My dad started "adding on" to our house when I was growing up (started when I was probably in the 3rd grad or so) and the house was never finished. We had cinder block walls and "owen corning" insulation as our ceiling. It was never finished and they decided to move into a finished house (nice at the time) when I went to college. I was happy for them and hoped that things would change about keeping things in working order and looking nice around the house. But now, after they have been in the new house for 14 years, I am seeing that their house is falling apart and has been for quite some time. They won't do anything about it and we have tried to talk them into moving, but they are not going to any time soon. It's not because they are poor or anything....I hate to say this, but I think they are a little "lazy" when it to things like this. They don't want to spend the money to fix something. And on those same lines of fixing something....my dad's teeth are getting real bad and he won't go to the dentist....he just keeps loosing teeth so it's kind of embarrassing. I am embarrassed when my husband and I go to their house and see that the walls are cracking, it's not as clean as it should be, etc., etc. But what can I do without hurting my moms feelings and my dad's too!
Sorry I just had to vent.....Christmas is next week already and we are supposed to go there for Christmas eve and am not really looking forward to it because I am ashamed of their living conditions.
thanks for listening.
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Well, maybe they're just use to the way their house looks. A quick suggestion might be hiring a maid or cleaning it yourself as a Christmas present to them! Then maybe they'll see how clean their house can be and keep it clean?
Sorry I can't be more help!
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- Jennifer
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Hi Nugget, Do you love your parents? Just think of all the great things about them that you DO love; they'll far outweigh their "laziness" or poor "living conditions." As we get older, we get more tired and are less able to do the things we could do when we were much younger. We don't mean to be lazy, we don't WANT to be lazy, but we're just TIRED. And when you're tired, you have to pick your battles: "Am I gonna dust today or am I gonna do the laundry?"
My dad had many faults, I'm sure, and my mom sure complained about them -- including the fact that he was never around for my birthday (too busy hunting) -- but, you know what, his faults didn't bother me, even his never being there on my birthday. Now I'd give anything to have him around. He died 31 years ago, and not a day has gone by that I haven't missed him. I'm certainly glad that I had the chance to enjoy my time with him at his last Christmas; he died one month later.
Bev. 
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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i didn't mean to sound ungratful or anything....and yes, I DO love my parents ....I just hate to see them living in the conditions they do when it is not necessary.
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I understand how you feel Nugget....you parents taught you that those things are important...(ie keeping your house clean and tidy and the outside appearance is nice)
It's difficult to not let those things bother you after the importance of them were instilled into you!
I agree with Jen...maybe you could buy her a maid for Christmas.
Also - maybe one day in the summer you could help your parents paint the eves or something. Just to keep it up! Once you start and it looks nice maybe they will get the nipped by the "upkeep bug" LOL 
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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thanks Lana.....for understanding.....I agree with you...i think it bothers me because we were taught to take care of our things and they would last, etc. And then to see the people who taught that...not practice what they preached. I've tried in the past to clean the back yard up, etc....and it doesn't stay that way for long. I cleaned out their garage one time and in a few short weeks it was as bad as before I cleaned it. As far as giving them a maid for a present....that would hurt my mom's feelings. She would take it as she wasn't doing her job good enough.
I guess I will just not let it bother me so much. But it is still a little embarrassing to go over with my husband or any of his family to go there. I hate to be that way...I'm just being honest. 
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I think I know how you feel. My own dad is convinced his neighbors all hate him. He talks about this all the time in front of the family and he sounds so irrational but no one knows what to say to him. He even moved and thinks his old neighbors called ahead to his new neighbors to "warn" them about him. He is a single guy living in a suburb causing no problems or arguing or anything that would bother anyone living around him. Yet he is convinced they hate him and they try to follow him when he leaves for work. It's hard to tell someone you love they may even need some professional help. Then other times he seems perfectly normal (whatever that is!). On the subject of cleaning: he'll go 6 mos without vacuuming and brag about it so I know how embarrassing that can be. So basically, I think we all have family or friends that live their lives completely different than most people but we somehow have to deal with it and accept the differences. Hope this helps and I haven't been rambling on!
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thank you for being so understanding. I love my parents....I just want them to live in better conditions.
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Parents always do embarrassing stuff - that's what they're there for. Infuriating it may be, but strangely, that's the kind of stuff you'll miss most and love them for when they're no longer there, especially at Christmas. Sadly, I know this to be true.
So, grin and bear it...
Have a nice Christmas
Shellsbells
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AMEN!!! - nt -
#32945 - 12/20/03 05:13 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Well...at my house, my old bedroom still doesn't have a "real" floor, just concrete...and my mom's office was added on to our house ten years ago, and it's still not attached (Dad hasn't cut a door in the bedroom wall yet)...and once I had a friend over and Mom came in my room to say goodnight to us wearing her bathrobe THAT SHE'D FORGOTTEN TO TIE SHUT...so I guess you could say I understand. But the truth is, my boyfriend likes my family, quirks and all, and so do my good friends...even if they know better than to eat anything from the back of the refrigerator! 
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Okay. Here goes.
My mom was an alcoholic who was seldom able to do any cooking. When she did, her cigarette was always dangling out of her mouth as she stirred the pot. The ashes always fell into the pot, which she found amusing. I didn't. One of my jobs was to keep the scotch flowing on chopped ice. She never wore underwear, and when she had her period, blood would drip all over the floor under her. I couldn't stand it, so I wiped it up. She thought that was amusing also.
I was born with a very rare condition, and when I was 16, I was told I would never be able to have children. At a party in our home, full of our friends, my mother, drunk as usual, made the announcement to everyone that, thanks to me, she will never be a grandmother. Incredibly ashamed, I slithered out of the living room and up to my bedroom, hoping no one would notice me.
I could go on and on, but why? It's over. I got myself some education and OUT of the house. And I never went back. I'm a better person for having learned from it.
Bev.
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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(Bevrs, what a wonderful, strong woman you are!)
In truth, none of us has perfect parents (some, of course are afflicted by imperfection more than others!); but, then, are we perfect ourselves??? No, didn't think so!
Ultimately, all we can do is worry about/take care of ourselves and accept everyone else for who/what they are (whether they're doing the best that they can, or not).
Wishing that anyone else in your life behaved differently, or acted like the person you want them to be, is futile and miserable: Imagine if the people in your life insisted you become the perfect imaginary person they would like you to be!!! No thanks.
Of course this is the ideal, and it's not always that easy, I know, but it's a nice message for Christmas.
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Don't get me wrong.....I DO realize that others have and had it worse than I, I was just stating my situation. One of the very first sentences in my original post was "I love my parents and appreciate all they have done for me." I am just wishing something better for them.
I feel for you, Bev, with all you have endured in your life and to come out of it as strong as you have. I cannot imagine going through what you have gone through.
Thank you all for your input and for sharing your experiences with me. It has opened my eyes and although I still wish for a better situation for my parents living conditions, I know I can't change them and that I need to just accept them for who they are. Thanks
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I must jump in and defend Nugget here!
I have had an incredibly terrible childhood, but I don't think that Nugget was getting at that her "life is so
tough"
I think she was just venting and don't think that she meant to offend anyone.
I could go on and on about how much my mom embarrassed me, but the fact is that my situation was
not "normal" and so I can't compare my situation to that of Nuggets.
I completely understand what you are saying Nugget and hope that everyone knows that Nugget is a wonderful
person who would never intentionally offend anyone. I think she was just trying to vent and compare.
Take care. 
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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Thanks for sticking up for me, Lana. You said it perfectly! {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} I definately did not have a tough life.....as a lot of people did......I was just stating some facts about my personal situation. Still love my parents and appreciate everything they did and went through for my brother and I.
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- Jennifer
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