Therapy session # ?
#326528 - 03/12/08 09:14 PM
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hawkeye
Reged: 06/16/03
Posts: 705
Loc: NYC
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For those keeping up with my therapy progress. I'm going twice a week now, and just about every session is really hard emotionally.
I'm sitting here feeling very sick, 12 hours after a particularly hard session. Its definitely related. I've decided i can't share all the specifics, even as anonymous as this is, its too much. But I feel okay to share that I had very traumatic experiences as a child based around ibs, which I went through very much alone. And I realized today that the feeling I have when I'm phobic about throwing up, its the same feeling of no control and of danger I had in those childhood experiences. It wasn't an easy revelation and I feel as though I'm suffering the after shock of it now. Each time I peel away some layer of this phobia I feel like I'm in terrible danger. Its got to be the hardest thing I've ever gone through.
My therapist also talks about how I don't know how to access any calming voice within myself. That no part of me is saying "its going to be okay" "you'll get through this" etc. That's true. Cassandra that's what your comforting-song is for with you I guess. It doesn't allow the panic to be the only voice. I don't know how to find that within myself. I just beat myself up for how pathetic I am that I have this phobia. This obviously doesn't help.
I feel I need some medication, my stomach hurts so much and I feel poised on the edge of a panic attack over it, I'm not sure whether to take hyosciamine or xanax! This is so much emotional as much as physical that maybe xanax would help my stomach too. Thanks for listening, sharing on this board with you all helps me so much.
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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As always, Hawkeye, I support your decision to keep up with the sessions. It is very difficult to find the root of your problems and to admit to it. It took me over two years of counselling to figure most of my panic issues out. But I'm a much better person for it. My little mantra does help me now, you're right. And I started doing yoga just recently to help me remember to BREATH!! I tend to hold my breath when I'm anxious. Not a good thing.
Wishing you well and hope you're feeling better today.
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up! 
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Had a terrible day actually. Stayed in bed all day unless I was running for the bathroom. Made it up to 5 immodium in a few hours before it all stopped. Either a bit of a virus at an amazingly coincidental time, or much more likely a really bad IBS day. Blah! I'm staying home tomorrow too. Just need to pull myself together again. I guess I'm not surprised, I have a VERY strong anxiety over this stuff so as I try to face it, it comes on really strong.
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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Oh, yeah! My very high anxiety levels definitely are a problem for me too...and greatly affect my IBS. I just can't seem to get a handle on controlling the anxiety and stress. I am in therapy too...and agree....it can make things worse as topics and issues come up. I know it's suppose to help, so how do we deal with this current state of being more anxious and thus, sick, as we see a therapist? 
I see mine tomorrow, and just really want to cancel as I know it's gonna stir things up. 
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IBS-C with pain and bloat
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Are you on any anti-anxiety meds? If not, you should consider it. I kind of hate the idea of them, but I'm still going to go to a new psychiatrist next week to get a 2nd opinion on what might help me through the difficult period of facing this in therapy. I'm on buspar now, but never felt that it did much for me.
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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That's it, I'm not going to wish you well anymore!! It seems everytime I do you have a bad day / night!!
Hang in there Hawkeye. One day at a time. You can make it through.
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up!
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Is that true!!!!??? Okay, maybe this is like theater - saying break a leg? How about telling me you hope I bust a gut or something?
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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I take Buspar too. And generic Klonopin. I don't think either do much for my level of anxiety though.
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IBS-C with pain and bloat
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I'm surprised about the Klonopin, I thought that was supposed to be pretty strong medication? Have you looked into other anti-anxiety meds? I was just looking at a website of them. There's a long list. I wish I didn't need them at all, but at the moment it feels necessary.
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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yea, I was pretty disappointed. Right now, I am playing around with the timing of taking them, which is helping some.
You may have luck with them, though. Or maybe I am expecting too much from them?
My doc will not prescribe anything stronger...and to be honest, I am scared to take anything really strong.
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IBS-C with pain and bloat
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Therapy is amazingly hard work. I never managed more than one session a week - your doing two a week shows incredible resolve and commitment.
My mantra during the worst of it was: The only way out is through. Sometimes it was just a reminder and sometimes it was practically a chant that got me into the therapist's office.
Hang in there and take care.
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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
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Thanks Sand. I've done some therapy before but never 2 per week and its been quite a roller coaster ride so far. And even though I don't necessarily feel any better at this moment, I know I'm doing really important work on myself. I feel the beginnings of changes in a few areas of my life actually - just not any measurable strides (yet) in the phobia/anxiety that was the reason for going in the first place.
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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Hey Hawkeye,
I was thinking of you today! I had a wicked migraine and I hid in the file storage room with the lights off during my lunch break. I had my mantra going and keeping me calm. I was trying not to pass out from the migraine pain, and in the middle of my mantra you popped into my head - the post where I made you promise not to laugh at my mantra!
Have a happy Easter, I'm outta here for the next 3 days to MN!!
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up!
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Hi Hawkeye,
I've been reading your thread and I sure empathize with you. I've done the twice a week therapy in the past and it was way too intense for me. Didn't realize it at the time though. Plus I became way too dependent on the therapist.
Nothing wrong with a little help from some meds. Personally I prefer antidepressants to anti anxiety drugs as I tend to rebound and then become more anxious and emotional as the drug wears off. I sometimes use one briefly. Finding the right med is a trial and error thing. Lexapro works great on my anxiety but doesn't do so well with my IBS. Pdoc recently switched me to liquid lexapro as it is absorbed through the stomach rather than the intestines. Plus I can really titrate the dose. I only take 5 mg.
I wish you the best. Some of the suggestions re: mantras, yoga, relaxation, meditation are really good, but with the high level of anxiety you are experiencing, I know it is difficult to focus. Hope your pdoc has some good advice.
Susie
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That's so funny! (Not the migraine part). I hope the thought of me didn't mess up your mantra! - and I haven't laughed btw. The fact that you've found something that works for you seems like a superhuman feat to me. Have a great trip...
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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