personal question - PG13
#320637 - 12/13/07 06:57 PM
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Flipada
Reged: 03/02/06
Posts: 1026
Loc: West Michigan, USA
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I should know better than to piggy-back on a post so I'll try again here. 
Has anyone ever seen a sex therapist? If so, how'd it go? Was it weird? I'm thinking about it.
Anyone??
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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Nope, but I have done my share of sport f*ing to see what works and what doesn't in a relationship. Ah, college. Are you going with your mate?
~nelly~ 
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I dunno. I've always been one to enjoy but not to the full experience, if you catch my drift. I know I can...with help but often with DH...or anyone for that matter (in the past), it has been difficult. What sparked this was waking up from having an O! So...I know it's not a physical thing...has to be psychological. Being normal and enjoying s*x to its fullest would be great! Just thought a therapist might be able to help but I'm not sure if I could deal with the discomfort of talking about it all. 
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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But does your husband know that you are thinking about seeing a therapist? Invite your husband to go with you. I would want to go with my wife if she decided to seek help. Especially if I had no idea that something was not right.
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 Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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Double J,
Not butting in at all! Yes, he knows. Actually, he was the one that suggested it. I just don't know how the whole s*x therapy thing goes...alone, with partner...or what. If it's in my head, don't I need to work on that alone? I dunno. This is all so weird. I just always accepted that it wouldn't be for me like it was for other people. I guess I'm just getting to that point in my life where I think that maybe I deserve to enjoy it more. Ya know?
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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I would think that attending therapy with your wife would be an excellent way for a husband to learn how to help his sweetheart reach that satisfaction that is so deserved. It really is a learned talent for men. (My wife says "Amen"!)
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Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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well how does one teach the "talent"? without offending him
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IBS-C gas, bloating and acid reflux
Babies is the plan for 2008!!Hope this IBS cooperates.
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You ask … "how does one teach the "talent"? without offending him"
My wife is the queen of my life. I still open doors for her, and help her with her coat. We cook, clean, paint the house, fish, ride horses, watch movies, play with children and grandchildren together. I just really enjoy being around her. I love her.
Now saying all that she would be the first to tell you that I can still really irk her off! I can really be a turd. But because of our closeness we can discuss anything.
What could be better then your lovely wife letting you know what pleases her? Most males would love to hear his wife explain just what she needs.
If you talk openly and freely with us (males) you are in essence telling us that we are needed. Explain yourself to your husband. How could someone be offended by that?
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Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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My problem is not worrying about offending...it's more being unable to explain what I need. I know DH would like to know but maybe it's just that since I'm a teacher all day, it's hard to be a teacher at night, too??
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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I hear ya on that Flipada .. I feel the same way. I do everything for the house and for us it would be nice if he took the time to want to be make me feel good.
Its so nice to hear you talk about your wife that way. My hubby isnt as open about "INTAMICY" as you so its not that easy.
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IBS-C gas, bloating and acid reflux
Babies is the plan for 2008!!Hope this IBS cooperates.
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Well, here's a quandary ...
If your not able to explain and teach your husband ... if our wives can't explain and teach us ... how are we to know and learn?
In my relationship with my wife I can be really dumb. I'm male … I have a "dumb" gene. (is that an excuse?)
As our dear wives, and sweethearts don't make us guess about the things that are really important to you.
As husband and wives, as lovers ... talk and teach each other. Take the time and effort. There has to be a time and place that that special intimacy can come about ... that we can learn to draw closer as husbands and wives.
I'm sorry if all that sounds as if I am preaching, but I have learned that there is not one thing that is more important then the relationship I have with the one I love.
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Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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If it means anything to you at all.. I understand and hear where you are comming from.. Before I met my husband, it was very rare that I would actually be able to completly enjoy.. it was good but not... Climactic.. Since meeting him, I have found one posistion and only one that is enough and sometimes if there is too much running through my mind it's sometimes can't do it either.
If you are uncomfortable going to a therapist, and not sure how to bring it up, try some fun things, make it a game.. Pick up the *1001 nights of great sex* book, or pick up an adult game.. Ways to try different things that may or may not enhance your pleasure..
Also, while I haven't gone to a therapist myself, I have seen alot of shows dealing with this sort of thing where people go and they allow it to be taped and one of the first things they usually do is get the female (or male) depending on the situation to.. how do I put this... Enjoy themselves.. because really, if you can't make yourself happy and now how it all works then how are you suppose to explain to your partner how to make you happy and go over that edge...
I don't know.. I probably have quite the open view when it comes to this sort of thing, I haven't done it all yet but I'm damn well willing to give it a shot... haha
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You are such a sweet & caring husband. And you & your wife seem so open & honest! I think if all couples could communicate the way the two of you do (I'm sure sex is not the only thing you are good at communicating about), the divorce rate wouldn't be nearly as high as it is.
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IBS-A...I can never make up my mind
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I've always been intensely cerebral, tragically(!), and lubes, sensual oils, mechanical toys all seem stupid until you get an "O" from one (or a combination of them). My first O was after "back-door" play. I had no idea it was coming...! I have since had them in my sleep also, usually the day after "vanilla" intercourse, or the day after I've real a tantalizing chapter in an, uh, adult-themed book ("bodice rippers" are great!).
Rarely have I ever had an O from a lover or BF. For me, it is intensely psychological and happens that night in my dreams, after I've gone to sleep. The good news is that the more it happens, the more it will happen. Those O dreams ROCK. (!!!) 
Good luck in your research, and remember it's all in the journey, grasshopper.
~nelly~
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Thank you, but the real point of this is that all husbands and boy friends are teachable and trainable ... we all need talk and really listen to each other.
Just tell your husbands what you really need and like, and you will be surprised at how much effort they put into the task.
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Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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Double J, You have to know you're special, don't you? I mean, you must have friends that you hear talk and that don't have the same attitude you do. It's great that you do. I know you say you're a lucky man and I'm sure you are but your wife is a lucky lady also.
I have a great husband...this time around. He's sweet, loving, attentive...and clumsy. I don't know how to teach him because often I don't know what I need. Things I've tried to tell him...he just doesn't seem to get. Maybe harder at his angle?
The worst part though...is my poor body image. I know it's irrational and completely ridiculous. I know in my head, that I have a decent body. I'm not overweight...other than the 10-15 lbs of extra baby weight that still needs to go. Regardless, even at my most fit, I felt timid when naked. I wish I had a magic wand to make that go away. I know DH loves me and loves my body but I don't love my body. How do you just get over yourself? I know it's a big part of the equation. I have friends that are almost twice my weight that could walk around their houses stark naked and not care. And why should they? How come I can't do that? I'm so envious of them.
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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I'm special that I have a wife that continues to put up with me. Again she says "Amen"!
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Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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It has been my experience that men (in general) are all ears when it comes to learning about how they can be "more of a man".
My hubby used to be very shy about goings-on in the boudoir but I told him that whatever he wanted to tell me was okay and I wouldn't judge him for anything he said. As time went by I encouraged him to share more with me and be more open about sex and intimacy and before you know there isn't anything we can't tell each other. He was raised in a very conservative home (ya know, the kind where the children, even as adults, think there parents number of sexual encounters equals the number of children in the home). They just simply didn't speak about these things. When I started asking him what he wanted and listening to him and trying out new fun things he wanted to do it was much easier for him to be open to constructive criticism and learn how to do things I wanted to do. And hats off to my hubby - he's a VERY good student. LOL. And don't feel like you can't bring some fun toys and products in the room with you. Don't forget we're all mammals, and you've seen what mammals do on the Discovery channel. Animals do that thing they do and it's okay.
Ladies, remember that you are beautiful and deserve that "O" just as much as the next gal. Don't over-think it. Sex is one of the most natural things in the world. Just have fun. You're man (and he is yours) will feel like much more of a man if he knows he's pleasing you.
And if all else fails, JUST SHOW HIM. You can put him where you want him and he'll follow you're lead because - hey - he's gettin' some.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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Well said! -nt-
#320905 - 12/17/07 05:17 PM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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I have nerve pain in the pelvic region. So intimacy comes with a nasty companion... PAIN - don't know what it feels like to get stabbed by a knife but something like that... Luckily I have my own magical tricks...
Good luck!
/Ulrika
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Ulrika, Oh...I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of that. I know that comparatively, my issues are minor. But if enjoying was as easy as just deciding to, I would have done it long ago. It is definitely not the most important thing going on in my life...just one of those things I'd like to change.
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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Yeah I know what you mean. And I find it's one of these things that if you don't do it for a while you don't really need to that much but the more you do it the more you want to do it. If that makes sense. For me there's a very practical thing though. Don't know if it's because I have had a paralysis since that can sometimes lead to funny nerve connections being created, but let's just say that my feet and cold water are very close friends.
/Ulrika
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Yup, I've heard that. I suppose that if when I did it, I had an O, I can see how I'd want it more often. There have been times in my life that I've really wanted it. I could still be dealing with baby hormones. I'm only 6 1/2 mo. postpartum.
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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