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Michele,
I am so glad you are still around. You are here for a reason. Don't give up hope. I can't begin to imagine what it's like to be in your shoes. But I know you are a very strong woman. And I'm praying for you. Keep up the fight. You'll get through it. The doctors will figure out how to help you. And you and DH will figure out what's best for both of you. Just take it one day at a time. I hope each day is better than the one before.
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~Mary
Had surgery for rectal prolapse in Sept. '06 and feeling good now! Loving life with our IVF miracle #1.
 
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Michele~ I am so sorry that you have to go through this! I am glad that your ok! You are a good person. Just hang in there and do whats right for you right now stay on the bored cause theres alot of people who care about you! May god bless you! Hugsxxxx Sheila
Taking it one day at a time (I learn that from you!) 
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I have no words of wisdom, Michele, just a BIG HUG!!!!
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I am truly touched by the support and love I always receive here! I am not a religious person but I agree, I must be here for a reason. I hope someday soon I will figure that out and my path will be clear. At the moment, I feel pretty befuddled, is that even a word??   I feel very mixed up and unsure of everything. I feel little comfort in the fact that I am here. I try, very hard, to see my purpose but it eludes me.
I did talk with Will a little and he says he wants to make the marriage work but I am unsure if I can ever forgive his actions. I know he was hurt by what I did but I did it partly for him, so he wouldn't have to deal with my illness as he seems to have such difficulty with that. I just can not think straight. Not sure if its the meds they have me on or if its just where I am at right now.
I so wish I could take more time off from work but its just not possible. The gal that filled in really messed a lot of stuff up and I can not afford to be not paid, the bills keep coming and don't seem to care if the money isn't! 
I try not to dwell on the bad things but that's hard when the bad seem to outweigh the good. Group therapy was actually helpful as I saw some things in myself I hadn't seen before. I guess that is something I will have to work on in my private therapy now.
I really want to be happy but don't seem to know how. It seems that as soon as I had a happy moment, like a juicy puppy kiss the happiness is riped from me by pain of some sort.
However, the happiness I get from the support here feels very nice at the moment. Forgive me for not responding to everyone individually but my hands are pretty swollen today and it makes typing difficult. Love and hugs to all!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Michele
#317766 - 11/01/07 10:43 AM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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It takes courage for you to spill your emotions out on the page and I have profound respect for you for it! Thank you so much for letting us know what happened. You are very brave to do so, and I respect what you've been through these last weeks. People who don't have daily, soul-crushing physical pain won't understand what people like us have to do just to make it through the day. I've always believed there's a dignity in suicide, and I think people who do not have pain like this do not understand. I will not keep a gun in the house because of my pain-- BF acts like he understands, I don't know if he really does. But I know you do. I think that's why the boards are so important. Please lean on us! You have so much to teach the world, and your board friends and I are here to listen. I've often thought about group therapy, has it worked any? It seems like a good way to reach out to people.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
~nelly~
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Re: Nelly
#317776 - 11/01/07 01:50 PM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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I agree, some people just can not understand as they do not endure the daily pain we do, the pitting looks from so called friends, the little jabs from husbands, the people who think their aunt has the cure in some home made concoccation, on and on and on.
The group therapy was probably the most helpful. You have to be able to open up and interact with others. Its nice to have a group of peoples advice on whatever, instead of just a friend or shrink, you get any ore ideas and insights that way. You never know who is going to be in group, people of all sorts.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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You poor thing. I can't believe the stuff that happens to you. Like you didn't have enough medical issues already. What do they think are causing all those blood clots? Sounds scary! And what about the heart thing, have they never done an electrocardiogram on you before or has this problem started now?
I will keep on praying for you and your situation Michele and I will bring it up the next time my prayer group has a meeting. Guess you can need all the prayers you can get.
Big hugs,
Ulrika
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Michelle,
I think you can sense by now just how many people here truly care for you and think you are an amazing person. Count me in. I am sorry that you had to go through all that, by yourself. I will be praying for you that you will find the answers you are so desperately seeking. BTW, did you ever investigate further the mold/fungus/yeast thing with your health? I remember you mentioning something about that in one of your previous postings. I would still consider that as an option to investigate.
Love ya!
Kim
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I'm so sorry for everything. I can only say that I admire your strength - take each day at a time. It's OK to put major decisions on the shelf. Trust me - you don't want to separate unless you're absolutely sure.
I know that my x had great difficulty seeing me in pain and being unable to help. I think it was also a deep seated fear that he would eventually lose me that kept him from giving our marriage his all. It could be that Will just freaked with what happened and didn't know how to react. Not an excuse, I know, but if I may say without offending anyone, sometimes that's how people react to people they love the most - they pull away.
Please, please, take care of our sweet, darling, adorable, radiant Michele. We love you and need you here! You've always been here for me. If there's anythning I can do, please let me know.
XOXOXOXOXO.
A.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I'm so glad you two are on the boards. What you've both said is exactly how I feel. I decided yesterday, after reading your comments, to look for a lupus support group -- and I found one nearby! You're right -- people, even those who are close to you and love you, can't comprehend the pain we live with. It's a very lonely and scary place to be when you're in so much pain you can't think, you can't see beyond that pain. Big hugs to both of you and to anyone else on the boards who's suffering physically and/or emotionally. I'm so glad we're here for each other!
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