Need advice- wedding or elope?
#315459 - 09/23/07 11:36 AM
|
|
|
|
|
littlelani
Reged: 06/17/06
Posts: 387
Loc: Asheboro, NC
|
|
|
Well, my BF & I have finally decided to get married after being together for 3 years! He wasn't going to tell me, but I wormed it out of him that he is going to formally propose soon, but won't tell me when. That way I'll still be somewhat surprised. I'm really excited! I even got to help choose my ring...I picked out several that I like but I don't know which one he got.
My problem is this, should we have a wedding or elope w/just a few close friends & family? I've been married before, & some of my relatives are still deeply attached to my ex, they talk about him everytime I see them! And I don't really get along w/the majority of my family. I'm afraid if we have an actual wedding, one of my idiot relatives is going to screw it up by causing a scene. I close to my parents, siblings, & one aunt, but I really don't want the rest of them in attendance! On the other hand, if I have a wedding & don't invite them, I'll never hear the end of it!!
I've got plenty of time to decide, but it's something that's really bothering me & I'd like to figure out how to handle it asap. Has anyone else dealt with similar issues, and how did you handle it?
--------------------
IBS-A...I can never make up my mind 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I say do what's in your heart and not have a wedding for other people. Like you I was married previously, did the whole formal wedding and big reception. Didn't really enjoy it and most of it was to "impress" the family. When M and I decided to get married we wanted it to be all for us. We went to Niagara Falls and had our ceremony on the river. It was wonderful. Our parents and my hubbies siblings were there. I invited one of my closest friends, but no other family. We laughed through the whole ceremony and I loved every bit of it. Afterwards we went and had dinner above the falls. I remember every moment and it was so much more precious to me than my first wedding (looking back, I'm sure there were other reasons as well  Like I said do what the two of you want and don't think about anyone else.
--------------------
Susan
IBS-A, Gas, Pain, Reflux
"The first in time and the first in importance of the influences upon the mind is that of nature. Every day, the sun; and after sunset, night and her stars. Ever the winds blow; ever the grass grows."
Emerson, August 31, 1837
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I think eloping is sooo romantic. It also makes a better story than "yeah, all that family drama and we're still paying for our wedding!!"  
The idea of trying to get a meal/cake that I could eat at my own wedding makes my stomach turn. I also hate the idea of failing to please everyone with seating arrangements, banquet details, venue, etc. And I plan conferences for a living!
I vote elope!! Do it! Do it! Also-- tell us where we can send an e-card!
~nelly~
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Every time I go to a "real" wedding, I can't help but think: "why do people go through all this stress and spend so much money???" My husband and I got married in Jamaica just over 4 years ago, and it was the best decision we ever made. At a lot of the resorts in the Caribbean, if you stay for some number of nights (usually 7), they will plan and host your wedding for free! All you have to do is show up. IT WAS PERFECT! Some of our family ended up coming down for it (parents, siblings, etc.), but they weren't allowed to stay at our resort. We had the perfect day, and have never once regretted it! I highly recommend going that route. I guess it's sort of a cross between a destination wedding and eloping, but there's no work involved. Call a travel agent, and they handle everything for you. I still bought a dress, but it only cost about $300. DH got to wear white linen pants and a hawaiian print shirt with sandals. The best was seeing my father walk me down the "aisle" (a path that led to a garden gazebo) in his swim shorts and a hawaiian shirt!
Good luck - and congrats!
--------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
This sounds SOOO awesome! I'm going to talk to my FIANCE (I love saying that!) about it when he gets home from work. It's perfect! And I'll just send announcements to the family that doesn't come along...If they don't like it--tough! I'm so excited! Thanks everyone!
--------------------
IBS-A...I can never make up my mind
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Glad you think so! We stayed at Couples Ocho Rios in Jamaica, but I know all the Sandals resorts (among many others) do "wedding-moons", so there's lots to choose from. And the resort will have their own photographer and everything! Immediately following the wedding, a driver took us all to Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville and we partied the night away! When we got back to the States, we had a "reception" for everyone that didn't go to the wedding. I wore my wedding dress, but it was pretty informal. And WAY cheaper than a traditional reception.
Good luck!
--------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
We did the same thing with the reception. Very casual about a month after we got married at the Falls. We had a bowling receptiono with pizza and beer. Had the best time ever.
--------------------
Susan
IBS-A, Gas, Pain, Reflux
"The first in time and the first in importance of the influences upon the mind is that of nature. Every day, the sun; and after sunset, night and her stars. Ever the winds blow; ever the grass grows."
Emerson, August 31, 1837
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I must agree with most people...I have done it both ways, and 6 months ago (almost to the day exactly), Steve and I went to Melbourne Beach, Florida (where my parents have a place, and we had been to 4 years before that) and had a small ceremony. It was just us, the minister, and a photographer. Sure, I missed my family A LITTLE, but to me, it was so romantic b/c it was literally just us, and that is what the day should be about. And, the pictures were absolutely stunning!! I, too, like most people, go to a big wedding and see the bride completely worn out and not even able to enjoy her day. It is supposed to be a special time. Our ceremony was about 10 minutes long, pictures were great, and the most stress-free, enjoyable day for us ever.
We also had a reception about a month after when we got home with friends and close family. We had a small cake cutting and toast with everyone, and it was great.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
My DH and I were together 8 years before we got married. We originally want to run away and elope. But then people near and dear to me couldn't be there, like my grandma.
We decided on a very small, intimate wedding - 15 guests. My brother and DH's sister stood up for us. We got married, had cocktails, and dinner. Everyone went home by 9:30.
If you're not sure how your family will take your new DH, then go for something small or eloping. Talk to the people you want there ahead of time and ask if they would be able to join you if you went away to get married.
The rest of our huge family forgave us that we kept our wedding to immediate family - we were on a tight budget and we're not showey people, so a big crowd where we had to be the centre of attention was way out of the question.
I wish you luck, whatever you decide!! Congrats!
--------------------
Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
In my opinion, you and your betrothed should do whatever you are happy with without consideration for what other people want. This is your relationship and wedding, not theirs. If they don't like the plans you make for yourself, that's their loss. Do what makes you happy. You're living your life, not theirs.
--------------------
***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
Posts
