n
#313611 - 08/21/07 04:58 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
n
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I had the same thing before I got pregnant. And we weren't hurting money-wise, I think it's just something guys worry about because they feel they are "the provider", and if their wives DO work (I work part time, full time before the baby), they know that it's a possibility their career will be put on hold after babies, and they will be the only ones making money.
BUT---as I explained to my husband, we can't put our lives on hold until we think it's the "right" time. Because there will always be something else that isn't perfect, or ideal...and things have a way of working out if you want them to.
I told him I wasn't getting any younger (30 when I had my daughter Mia, our first), and our PARENTS weren't getting younger.
We had to have the conversation several times. What ended up working for me, was just before we were about to have "alone time" one night, I said "let's not use protection". Shocked the crap out of him, and he didn't think it was the right way to go, but looking back it really was. I had to just go for it, you know? Trust me---he has no regrets. 
Maybe you can sit down and look at a budget with him if that will make him feel better, and have a long-term plan set up.
--------------------
 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hi - My husband and I waited about 5 years before trying to get pregnant. I understand the need to be as financially stable as possible. Maybe sit down and figure out what your goals are before having a baby, maybe paying off credit card debt, or building up your savings etc. If you can both set goals then you have something to work towards. Unless of course he also has cold feet about having a baby. It's a big life change and very scary.
But you also want to keep in mind your age, even though plenty of people start having kids in their 30's or 40's, it is harder to get pregnant the older you get. I waited until I was 34 and I was worried it would take a long time. I was lucky in that it only took about 8 mos. Just keep an open dialogue with him and you'll know when it's right.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
According to a book I read recently, 99 percent of marriages where one partner wants a baby and the other doesn't, and they have the baby anyway, break up. So my recommendation would be patience, honestly. The suggestion to do a long term budget is a good one. It's also hard to know without asking you personal and intrusive questions what he means by financial stability. I mean, we accrued $10,000 in hospital bills due to the difficult birth/NICU time and we weren't prepared for that and it's been tough paying it off. But a few years earlier it would have completely sunk us. So I'm glad we waited until we did.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
--------------------
IBS-C with pain and bloat
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Everyone kept telling me that "if you wait until you're ready, you'll never have a baby." Boy, am I glad I didnt' listen to that. DH and I had always planned on being married for five years before trying. Earlier this year, something finally "switched" for both of us, and we realized we were ready. We've been married just over four years (we'll be 29 in a few months) and plan to start trying next month. I am glad we have waited because we're more financially stable (good jobs, paid off some debt, built up a good savings account, etc.) and we're also EMOTIONALLY ready. That's a big one. If he's not ready, then it will cause a lot of conflict.
My advice: enjoy being married, just the two of you, for as long as you can. Plan, plan, plan!! Set up a budget with financial goals and stick to them. You'll be happy you did. 
--------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
Posts
