love advice
#284720 - 10/01/06 06:27 AM
|
|
|
|
|
seggy
Reged: 04/24/06
Posts: 255
Loc: North East of England, UK
|
|
|
hi everyone,
I need some advice
I started getting to know a guy on the internet. He's really great and I do Like him. I thought I loved him but I dunno I'm not sure. The thing is he lives in Canada and I'm in the uk. A Long way away. so he is saying he will come visit me, I was so excited about this at first but I was talking to him last night, and I don't know whether it was just cos I was tired and wasn't feeling well but I was thinking hmmm I don't know if we would get on so well in real life. That thought really worried me cos he tells me that he loves me and he's even talking about marriage and kids- not now obviously but in the future. This is my first relationship and I'm like :s eeeek a little bit.
So my question is -is this normal to have doubts like this? I mean I always thought that when I was in love I would just fall completely head over heels and just think not have any doubts at all.
Thank you for reading I need some experience here lol
lots of love and GOdbless
Vicky
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: love advice
#284750 - 10/01/06 11:24 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Miso
Reged: 04/20/06
Posts: 559
Loc: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
|
|
|
just out of curiosity, how old are you, how long have you two been talking, and has it been at least over the phone and not just over emial or msn?
those things can help some of us in giving any kind of advice.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: love advice
#284763 - 10/01/06 01:14 PM
|
|
|
|
|
seggy
Reged: 04/24/06
Posts: 255
Loc: North East of England, UK
|
|
|
well, I'm 20 so is he.
We've been talking for about 3 weeks and yeah we mostly talk via webcam with a mic so basically it's just like the phone only we can can see what each other is doing kinda cool actually .
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Love, and especially marriage, after only talking for a few weeks is a big red flag to me. If you decide to meet with him, be careful.
--------------------
***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: love advice
#284809 - 10/01/06 06:12 PM
|
|
|
|
|
vls
Reged: 06/27/06
Posts: 22
Loc: Central Ohio
|
|
|
I agree with ho ho. Any talk about that far in the future, after so little time sends off warning bells. I would advise you take things very slow.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Dear Vicky,
From my experience, it's really tricky to get to know people just by talking on the phone and not having met them in person. I met my husband online as well and we are now happily married. But I also met a number of other guys online whom I talked to for weeks before meeting. But once we met, they were totally different than they were on the phone. The worst date I went on was with this guy whom I had talked to for 2 weeks... he was funny, charming, educated, etc. but in person, he was inconsiderate, obnoxious, and pushy. My point is, just because you have a great connection over the phone, doesn't mean it'll be the same once you meet. Just listen to your gut. It is totally normal for you to have doubts, especially since you've never even met him. I wish you the best and hope he turns out to be the one, but don't set your expectations too high thinking he is THE ONE without having ever met him.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: love advice
#284819 - 10/01/06 08:07 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Miso
Reged: 04/20/06
Posts: 559
Loc: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
|
|
|
i fully agree, to be that age and to be so sure he is in love and marriages talk, even if he means in the future seems juvenile or desperate, it is just not normal to trhow yourself into talking about thing slike that when you haven't even met the person, but then again maybe he is just sheltered. I would be very cautious, by all means meet up if you like, but make sure there are plans to have him not rely on staying at your house, etc. it is just odd for him to be from so far away and be so anxious to jump into what will surely be a very difficult to deal with relationship, or he could want a green card, who knows, i would be very cautious, becuase he could be a weirdo, but he could be the most lovely person you ever meet instead.
good luck and just be smart about it.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Please be careful. Online dating can be wonderful & many people are happily married b/c of it. BUT...it can also be very dangerous. This is not meant to scare you or stop you from chatting w/your guy friend. It's just an example of things we women (and men too) need to be aware of so we can make informed decisions & not place ourselves in harms way. Please take my aunt's story to heart.
My aunt met a man online, also using a webcam. After talking online for about 2 wks, they decided to meet. He only lived 4 hrs away so she drove to where he was. They met at the local mall & decided it was true love. She was happy, he was the man of her dreams. He said she made him the luckiest man alive, etc. Two wks later they got married. Less than a wk after that she found out, the hard way, that he was bipolar, suffered from delusions & post traumatic stress disorder. He hadn't told her anything about that & neither had his family (she met his parents & 2 adult sons). My aunt is very religious & wanted to save her marriage. She managed to stay with him for several mths, during which time he frequently stopped taking his med & became abusive. But one night he slapped her across the face, leaving a huge bruise. I'm surprised he didn't break her jaw, he's a big guy. She had to have him arrested, & he ended up being committed to a mental hospital again (he'd been in one shortly before they got married but she didn't know that until after the wedding). He also spent all of her money while she was at work, leaving her bankrupt. So now she is alone, has no money & no home, lives w/my parents, and is miserable.
Again, I'm not saying to stop talking to your friend but PLEASE be careful. And I'm sure you're not going to marry him right after you meet him, like my aunt did, foolishly. But the point of my post is simply to remind you that people aren't always what they seem. Neither this man nor his family told my aunt the truth, they all misled her until AFTER she married him. You can't trust anyone nowadays, but especially someone you've only known for a short while. When you decide to meet your friend, don't go alone. And try to find out as much as you can about him before you get too involved. I hope things turn out well for you & you live happily ever, whatever decision you make!
--------------------
IBS-A...I can never make up my mind 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
Posts
