husband thinks I just need to "change the way you think."
#279258 - 08/21/06 09:05 AM
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I've recently started taking Zoloft again for anxiety and have been having some very rough times. Tire, more anxiety, frustration. Then my husband gets upset that I have started medication again after getting off of Effexor. He says the meds make me "crazy" and he doesn't know who I'll be from one minute to the next....I don't feel that way....I feel better on the meds. He told me that "you just need to change the way you think and quit being nervous all the time." I told him it was a chemical imbalance and that it wasn't any different than a diabetic needing insulin. He rolled his eyes. His attitude is just adding to my anxiety. I go see my doctor in about an hour to discuss my options. I told my husband when my appt. was and at first he got all defensive and said he didn't want to go because he had his ideas and they didn't match the doctors and he'd say the wrong thing. Well then this morning he asked when my appt. was and said he'd try to be there. I told him not to worry about being there unless he wanted to. So not sure if he'll be there or not. I'm so tired of waking up in the morning nervous. As the day goes on it gets better, but mornings are hell. Plus that just adds to my IBS-D.
Just needed to vent....thanks for listening.
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I know how you feel.. My fiance says the same thing, *you need to learn to chill* or *you need to learn to relax* blah blah blah... So I hear ya.. but you know what? the hypno cds actually helped this..
I have a major fear of my fiance going out and drinking with his guy friends when i'm not around.. It's not that I don't trust him persay, but to be completly honest, I don't trust other women.. I know some females try to take advantage of drunken guys and when that ends up happening to you (a few times) (your guy cheats on ya because he was *taken advatage of* it kinda tends to stick in your mind for awhile) Well, last night one of his friends from high school was in town and wanted to go for a couple drinks, and ya know what happend? I didn't get the panic attack that i usually get.. I told him to have fun and not keep me up all night with his drunken chatter... I wasn't worried or nervous at all... and I tribute that to the hypnotherapy.. I'm not on any anti-anixety meds, dispite the suggestion of my mother and the therapist I was seeing last year around this time.. I find that I am alot more calm and can deal with things a bit easier.. If you haven't tried the cds yet, I definatly suggest them.. After all, what have you got to loose??
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thanks....I do have the CDs and at one time I got about half way through the program....then got busy with the rush of life and work and never finished. I have tried to get back with the program, but just don't have the time to devote to myself. it's so frustrating
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Oh sweetie, I'm sorry your hubby isn't being more supportive. Its hard enough to feel sick and anxious all the time and he certainly isn't helping any. Talk to the doctor and do what you feel is best for you. Big hugs.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Actually, your husband is right. However, he is wrong as far as thinking it is so easy to do. We were not given any skills or method to change our thinking. This book really helped me with my anxiety. "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett. Betst 13 bucks you can spend. Believe me.
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Had my IBS since 2001 after 9/11
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People who aren't in the same situaton can't relate or understand how we feel. I am lucky because my husband has colitis (not lucky that he has it, but lucky that he can relate  ). He understands stomach issues. He doesn't understand the fear associated with leaving the house as much.
I think that the best thing that you can do is show your husband that you are trying and ask him to meet you in the middle. Probably easier said than done but you never know.
Good luck! We're all here for you.
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IBS-A, with bloating and gas as my predominant symptoms
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Bad hubby
#279345 - 08/21/06 03:20 PM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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His attitude makes me want to scream! You don't deserve him unloading on you like that, especially between switching meds.  
It's not in your head, and he should be happy you're finding medicine to make you feel better! Just wait til he gets an invisable illness...
~nelly~
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They just don't get it! (Husbands!) Unless you suffer with anxiety you can't understand what it's like. When I was going through a rough time (many, many years ago)my then boyfriend, now husband, actually could not take my anxiety problems and actually broke up with me after dating 7 years!!! Thank goodness I got better and guess what he came back to me! I worry to this day that I don't ever have a bad anxiety attack or flare up for fear of his reaction. OMG will he divorce me???? 
I feel the same way in the mornings though Nuggs. Why is that? After a nights sleep, when I'm getting ready in the morning for work, I sometimes get anxious and think "where did this come from?".
Hope you are feeling better and that hubby came to the appt. 
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Did you husband show-up?
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IBS-A, with bloating and gas as my predominant symptoms
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First of all....I want to thank you all for your wonderful support. It really helps to know we are all here for each other.
My husband did go to my doctor's appt. with me and brought his attitude with him. He even told my doctor....."they've done all these tests on her and all came back normal....so that tells me that this is all psychological." Shouldn' t she be treated for the cause instead of taking meds for the symptoms. He confronted him on everything the doctor was trying to explain. I was bawling my eyes out. I could tell the doctor was getting frustrated with him, too. To make a long story short....I am going to go back on Effexor....even though I don't really want to....it made me feel the best.
Hubby and I had a long discussion last night about a few things and hopefully things will get better between us, too.
Thanks again.
{{{hugs}}}
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Aw sweetie, that so what you didn't need right now. If your hubby was going to be a butt head, he should have just stayed home!  However, it does sound like going back to the effexor is the best solution for now. I hope you start to feel better soon and your hubby straightens up! Love and hugs
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm sorry to hear that it didn't go well. It's good that you are keeping the lines of communication open with your husband. Even at times when you feel like you're not on the same page, communication is key.
Did you feel like the doctor was giving you good advice?
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IBS-A, with bloating and gas as my predominant symptoms
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I am so sorry that you are going through all of this and then your husband is not supporting you on top of it all. It is a lot for a person to deal with.
I agree that he should have stayed home if he was going to go and have an attitude. I am hoping all of this happened out of his concern for you and thinking the doctor isn't doing the best for you health wise.
Right now you need to focus on you, your health and finding the right answer so that you are feeling better. Try not to think of your husband and his opinion. I know this is difficult to do but you are the most important right now. You are trying everything you can to feel better and if going back on the effexor is what will help you then that is what you need to do.
Lots of hugs,
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Janey
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thanks Janey... {{{hugs}}}
right now I'm trying to just consentrate on doing what I need to do to feel better. If someone (hubby) has a problem with that, tough. I hate to be that way, but I'm to that point. Right now, I'm not happy, and I hate it. I need to be happy again. I hope our long talk the other evening helps his attitude eventually. He is a little better, but I still feel like this whole thing is my fault.....and that if I only was healthier, etc. Everything would be great between us. But don't marriage vows state "in sickness and in health?"
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thanks Snowy....
I agree....communication is the key. It's so frustrating when I'm not able to communicate with my husband either because he's not listening to what I'm saying or when he has his own ideas and refuses to hear and understand me.
Yes, the doctor gave some good suggestions. He was very helpful and understanding. I have to go back and see him next month. He suggested counseling, but I've done that before and I'm not one to open up completely, especially with a stranger. I don't think hubby would be open to marriage counseling, either. So hopefully we can work on continuing to keep our lines of communication open. Right now, I have to admit, divorce has crossed my mind. He didn' t like it when I mentioned that. I told him that I was just being honest....and that what he has done and said and his attitude towards me when I'm sick and need him the most is what made that thought cross my mind.
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thanks michele...
I'm actually glad that my husband went to the appointment with me even if he was a "butt-head". Because he was forced to listen to some facts from a professional and not just what I was telling him. Whether he liked it or not. Hoping that after our long discussion that evening after the appointment that our communication will get better.
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This is the time that you need your husband the most. And you're right from a previous post- it is supposed to be in sickness and in health.
Although my husband and I aren't disagreeing about health issues, we are squabbling a little right now too. We're in the process of building a house and I feel like he doesn't listen to me because I am a female. Every suggestion I make he shoots down. Men can be so stubborn! The other night I was trying to talk to him and he walked away. The next night I did the same thing to him and now we've gotten along pretty well. Turnabout is fair play.
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IBS-A, with bloating and gas as my predominant symptoms
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I'm so sorry he is being that way!! Our 10 yr old daughter has anxiety issues and my husband is not very understanding about it, he thinks she just needs to " knock it off" already. He doesn't understand, nor does he ever see the anxiety on her face in stressfull situations.Sometimes i wanna smack him!
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You are right, in sickness and health. But you are dealing with a man here. You not feeling well upsets the apple cart and men have a difficult time handling that.
You have the right attitude of taking care of yourself and getting well. You know the right thing to do to make that happen.
Hugs,
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Janey
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I know how your daughter feels....I had lots of anxiety as a kid, but didn't realize what it was until I got older. I was told it was just a "nervous stomach". I've suffered with being nervous most of my life....trying to explain it to people who've never experienced it is so frustrating....especially when they refuse to accept that it is a real problem and not just "in your head".
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Thanks Janey.....{{{{{hugs}}}}
I hope you are doing well.
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I know what you mean....
I've been giving my husband the "cold shoulder" lately, too. I don't know if it is having an effect on him, but he does seem to be a little more "lovey dovey". Of course, that may just because he's trying to "get some"....if you know what I mean.
It's going to take me a long to forgive him for how he's treated me through this last bout of being sick. I've often thought that next time he is sick (practically never) I won't be supportive at all and I'll tell him it's all in his head....but it's easier to think of doing that than actually doing that. I'm not that type of person. I'm just too caring, I guess.
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Has anyone ever gone off Effexor or similar med, been told it would be best to go back on it, but been afraid to go back on it? I've been having to wait 4 days before starting Effexor again and I'm having second thoughts about starting it again. I know I felt better on it, but what my husband has told me and what i've read, and what I've experienced with side effects...I'm a bit nervous about starting it again. I think my husband will hold it against me.
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Quote:
I think my husband will hold it against me.
I think you need to ask yourself what is more important - your health and wellness, or your husband's opinions of something he obviously doesn't know anything about. It seems to me like your husband isn't being very supportive of you, nor does it seem like he cares that you are in pain. Regardless of what his beliefs are, he should be standing by you and doing whatever he can to help you feel better. I don't see how arguing with your doctor, or holding anything against you is going to help....
If my BF treated me the way your husband has been treating you I don't know what I would do (nor could I imagine him ever saying any of the things your husband has said to you), but it wouldn't be good!! In any healthly relationship, I truly believe that the relationship and the health and happiness of the individuals in it are the most important thing. He should treat you as if you are the number one priority and he should be doing whatever he can to help you through this difficult time. Accusing you of faking or it being all in your head is not productive.
I feel so bad for you....I think you and your husband really need to have a serious talk. In the meantime, do what you feel you should do for YOU. Don't worry about upsetting him - you need to get healthy!
Hope I didn't overstop my bounds here - I just really feel so bad that your husband is treating you this way.
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>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<
Michelle
IBS-A, pain predominant
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thanks michelle....i really appreciate all you said. i know how my husband is treating me right now is wrong....that's why it hurts my feelings so much. he never used to be like this. I told, him that, too. We've had a couple long talks....but in the end i still feel like it all comes down to being my fault. it's gotten to the point where the "D" word has even crossed my mind a lot lately. I even told him that, too. He didn't like that. I told him, i was just being honest because that is how his actions and words have made me feel. He just doesn't get it. I would hate to see us not be together....I enjoy his family...his mom and i have been doing alot together the past couple weeks. I've told her everything that is going on....she doesn't like it either. I just don't know what to do anymore. Looking back....i feel i've made so many sacrifices (small ones) over the past 12 years with him....and yet he just continues to do what he wants and he's not going to do or believe anything he doesn't want to. He hardly ever spends any time with my family anymore. When we are invited over there he always says he doesn't want to and to "go ahead and go if you want"....but yet when he has a function i always go because I feel we should go as a couple. I told him it's to the point where my family is asking why they don't see him any more. I'm just at the end of my rope....and trying to hang on.
Thanks a bunch for the wonderful support. {{{hugs}}}
I never would have dreamed he'd turn out this way.
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What is happening is NOT your fault and your husband is not behaving well. I agree with what michelle said. I know this isn't helping you much but you do not deserve to be treated like this. Have you talked to him about seeing a marriage counsler? Lots of love and hugs
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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thanks michele....
actually when we met with my doctor on Monday, the doc mentioned counseling. But, I told him that it wouldn' t help unless my husband realized that this is really an illness and not just in my head....it's not going to help unless he changes his attitude. Even the doc said he needs to decide if he's willing to accept that I have a real illness.
So frustrating....I've even thought how nice it would be to just go away and "start over". It's even crossed my mind that everyone would be much better without me. I hate this feeling.
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Aw sweetie, I know how tough its got to be. Will can be a putz once in a while but he is usually pretty good, for a guy!  
No one would ever be better off without you. I get those feelings too, that it would be so easy to just go to sleep and not wake up. When I get like that, I think of my dogs, my babies to me and that helps me get through the rough times. I sometimes feel that Will would have a better life without me weighing him down but I know thats just the depression talking.
Please, even if your hubby won't go to counseling, you should go on your own. Love and hugs
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I know...it was just the depression talking about leaving or not being around. My dogs are my babies to me, too. They would be lost without me...or at least "mine" would be. The other is more my husband's dog.
I've been through counseling once before and, although it did help a bit, I got to the point where I wasn't revealing all that needed revealed simply because I'm not comfortable with telling anyone everything. Even those closest to me....so I don't think counseling would really do me any good right now.....this is just something that we are going to have to work out ourselves, I guess....if it's even possible. We are able to talk to each other....it's just that he hears what he wants.
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