Driving myself CRAZY...ADVICE please....
#277669 - 08/08/06 02:38 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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I know I said that I went and had a retreat and sorted everything out, right... and yes, everything about my past, my childhood, my parenthood and my marriage falling apart is ALL sorted.
But can somebody tell me why I cannot stop thinking about this Jason guy? I mean, we didn't sleep together, we only dated a few weeks, we didn't say I love you...he may return and he may not...I know all this. We had a very intense and very different connection and he was very open about how he felt about me. two days later, he had to go and make sure he wasn't rushing into a relationship with any resentments towards his ex or any previous exes. he had to think outside the box, he said, and make sure he was ready for this...which he even said the positives would far outweigh the negatives in a relationship with me, and it'd be great, and it'd definintely be long term, and have great potential. his words.
Three frickin weeks and I can't get him out of my head. I have dreams every night about him. i wake up saying "get out of my head!" and I pray every night that if he's not returrning that god give me a frying pan over the head so I know. All I get is dream after dream that he's coming back.
Because I am NOT working now, I have way too much time to think, and because I have very little money to DO anything, I have basically been hostaged in the house the last few days. I'm reading, writing, going on the computer, playing with Kayleigh...but still can't stop thinking about him.
I KNOW what i want, and I want to be with him. I'm absolutely sure of that.
Logically, however, I am convinced this is SO stupid. My heart will NOT shut up. It was NOT like this with Trevor. I mean, I made excuses for Trev, sure, but in my heart I knew it was over. I didn't ever dream of him coming back, nor did I obsess that he would.
It didn't help that today I went out for lunch with Trevor and DD, and talked about Jason, and Trevor agreed that Jason just got scared and needed time. trevor's always been very honest about most things to me, and he'd tell me if he thought this guy was a scuzz who ran off because he din't get action.
I don't want to date ANYONE else, but I don't know how much time to give before I contact him. I said I'd give myself till the end of the month...I know life will be speeding up soon and that a lot of school and house and travel and life things, as well as separation/divorce things will be going on soon. My focus will be on other things...
Shannon+ too much time=INSANITY.
I got a taste of what i really want in someone and that's the hardest thing to let go of. But seriously, i get over things very quickly-I dated someone about 2 weeks after my first love and I split...andreally am basically over Trevor, truly....to sit and listen to him talk about his girlfriend(i just don't like having to write that she has the same name as my daughter, though) and NOT being weirded out by it, tells me that I've really healed there....
Please please, tell me what you think. Even if it's what I don't want to hear, and I don't know what I want to hear right now....tell me. I feel so stuck in this.
What do you all say? I swear I'm as hurt over this as with my separation!
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Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Coookie (08/08/06 03:53 PM)
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Aww jeez, Shannon.  Personally I think you are on the rebound and your mind is using this guy to replace Trevor and your "dream". You have stars in your eyes. Of course, you are hearing this from someone who didn't find anyone until she was 55. I'm not saying it can't happen, but it is so fast I worry that you will make a mistake. I made myself miserable for years having a "crush" on a guy who was barely just more than an aquaintance. I didn't even give myself the chance of meeting anyone else.
It would be great if it all works out, but don't limit yourself. Like they say "there are a lot of fishy guys in the sea" (well, that's not quite what they say)
Go out some night with a girlfriend and see what else is out there.
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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First, it's pretty obvious that Jason was filling a void in your life that has been empty for a long time - even while you were married to Trevor. So it's perfectly natural that you don't want to let that go.
Second, you two were just in the beginning stage of a relationship, where everything is heady and wonderful and exciting and new. It's all so wonderful - no wonder you're missing it. The feelings are infectious, and impossible to resist. Especially since you've had a void with Trevor.
Third - it's so flattering that guys are interested in you right away - and you should take it as a great compliment, and if it were me (I don't know how your self esteem is but mine is very low), I would take such comfort in being wanted and desirable. I would think there was something wrong with me or I did something wrong for Trevor to leave (which of course you didn't. but that's just my warped mind)
So, honey, he was basically filling all the needs that you had at the time. Was it good? Of course, IMHO. I think it would be amazing if you two could find a happy ending.
Here's the party pooper thing. Dr. Spice said it and so did I - it's much better if you two get rid of your own baggage separately. You may be ready or you THINK you may be ready, but you have the rest of your life. Let the guy do his sorting - it takes guys longer, I think. They're not great on the emotional stuff sometimes.
Good things come to those who wait. Pray, meditate and be patient. If this guy is it, and he's worth it, he's worth waiting for. DON't call him. He needs to be the one to make the first move. Otherwise, you may be pushing him and that might not be good.
Focus on your school - get some curric documents and start making outlines for the year. Block semesters first, then months, weeks. At least then you'll have a framework.
See if you can get someone else who teaches french and borrow their stuff and photocopy it.
Nothin like standing in front of the copier!!! LOL! 
Love you babe,
A.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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but you know I just don't see things as most do ... I kind of agree with Carol ... go out and see what else is out there. But ... what would be wrong with a phone call just to say howdy and how you doing? I would think it'd be nice if a sweet lady called just to say hi. What's wrong with friends calling to pass the time of day with each other and catch up on the week?
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 Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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and I do agree that it'd be fun, to go out and scope out the guys... but I'm just not interested.I tried that when trev and I first broke up. I like looking but am not interested in HOOKING!
I also told Jason that I'd give him time without talking to him etc. He wants to get his weekend over with(that's done) then he has a million goings on, then he is going away with his daughter near months end(he booked it so it was the same time i was away in Vancouver, so he wouldn't MISS me too much, bleah)and then it's months end.
i texted him twice in the last week, because he was going to be hanging on to a mountain with those skinny bike tires and I was worried. The frst one, he replied right away, and the second one, he never did reply. Could be a million reasons but I'm not being naive.
I know that once school stuff gets going it'll be fine. I can't even BEGIN that until i meet with a co-teacher because I have NOTHING for supplies or resources. I was supposed to meet with her today but am tomorrow instead.
It could be partly that Trevor's working like, 7 days a week right now and I ahve zero time without Kayleigh darling, so it's easy to get cagey.
I agree about Jason and I getting our baggage unloaded seperately, ABSOLUTELY....and that's exactly why I took off by myself. I unloaded tons.
Yes, I do feel desireable and beautiful for the first time in six years. Yes, it would appear that he filled a void. But I think there really was MORE than that in him. When I make lists of all the things that attracted me to trevor, it's all things that he did for ME or made ME feel.
When I wrote the same list about Jason, it was all things about HIM, not about what he did for ME. Strange, no? It's maybe because I'm not ready to let go of the dream that Prince charming is still out there. He has all these amazing personality traits that I admire.
Trev HAD them but I've ourgrown those traits, and he hasn't. We admit I grew up and he didn't.
But it's as if there was something far more. Potential. And yes, it hurts like hell when it's peaking in excitement and you're dying to get to know them more, and they just LEAVE. I've never felt quite so lost though.
And who knows, after a month he might just come back. But it's sort of....I don't know, do I want to live with this emptiness another three weeks over someone I dated a month? I wish god would give me some definitive answer so i could ahve some peace. if I knew it was for sure over, i could drop it and go on with life.
ahh....
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Keep on keepin' on...
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still looking for replies...or a good way to get un-bored with a three year old in insufferable heat with no money and little gas!
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Keep on keepin' on...
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And I think, Cookie, that what you really need to do is find yourself. Funny thing about that is, you don't even know that you haven't done it until you do. Humans, we're so simple, and so complex. Take some time, call it a year, with only yourself and your daughter. Learn about who you are. Learn to be one whole person and to not need someone else to be whole. You are a wonderful mother, a smart and intelligent woman. You'll be fine. You just need time to yourself.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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Quote:
First, it's pretty obvious that Jason was filling a void in your life that has been empty for a long time - even while you were married to Trevor.
Yep, to me too.  It was a void that I know now CAN be filled.
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Second, you two were just in the beginning stage of a relationship, where everything is heady and wonderful and exciting and new. It's all so wonderful - no wonder you're missing it. The feelings are infectious, and impossible to resist. Especially since you've had a void with Trevor.
Absolutely, and I've always been a sucker for "limerance" in relationships. Apparently so has everyone else I've dated, or Married for that matter!
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Third - it's so flattering that guys are interested in you right away - and you should take it as a great compliment, and if it were me I would take such comfort in being wanted and desirable.
it was So nice to be wanted again because Trevor's excuse for leaving was that he was sexually unattracted to me (no duh, I was not anymore to him either!) And that Jason could wait when we both knew our fire was just BURNING was nice too...and he also said I was incredibly sexy, which I haven't heard since, hmm, I was engaged. He also said some pretty knock me out things that i won't repeat for fear of making someone blush.
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Here's the party pooper thing. - it's much better if you two get rid of your own baggage separately.
I couldn't agree more. I feel as though i have gotten rid of my baggage myself and am so happy to be free of it. I KNOW there's always going to be stuff cropping up, and I know Jason knows that, as he didn't want his junk interfering with our relationship. What guy freaking says that? *cry* He was soooo sensitive, the opposite of any guy I'd ever ever dated.
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You may be ready or you THINK you may be ready, but you have the rest of your life. Let the guy do his sorting - it takes guys longer, I think. They're not great on the emotional stuff sometimes.
I'm so willing to give him his time if it's really going to work..but I guess I'm scared of falling a pawn to someone. You know, in grade 8+9, I crushed on a guy who never gave me the time of day till college, then he crushed on me, LOL! So it can draw out! PS- then I didn't give HIM the time of day. So funny.
I know I have to focus on ME to get out of this rut,and I think I'm a little scared of that. Being selfish is something I'm not too good at because I've never had the chance.
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Focus on your school - get some curric documents and start making outlines for the year. Block semesters first, then months, weeks. At least then you'll have a framework.
Tomorrow I meet with a fellow teacher, then I can start on my plans. till then I really know NOTHING aboutresources, and all the resources are locked up and I don't get a key till Aug. 21, dammit. 
I am praying till my throat hurts. Ah man, if there was a better way to know it was worth it..... 
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Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Coookie (08/08/06 09:15 PM)
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I KNOW I am whole. I know I don't NEED a man to be happy. I know I'm a great mom, and a worthy person. I just can't stop thinking about jason, though..because to me he appears to be a WHOLE person.
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but I've been on the rebound before, and it usually involvees wanting to just kiss a whole lot of people, not like, stay in a very exclusive and intimate relationship with ONE guy. WThat's why it feels so ODD for me to be so interested.
I do have stars in my eyes, because now I'm looking for the right things, and he has the right things. Now whether or not i get to keep him is another story.
Maybe I'm scared that other guys with the same qualities would be too shallow for me or something. trevor had a lot of great qualities, but I never really saw how shallow he was until we broke up. he was always making fat jokes, and ugly jokes about others, never to me, but I thought they were just jokes. Plus the OLD jokes about me....i think i was wrong. His new girlfriend is tall, thin and pretty.
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