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OKay ladies and gents...my update, here it is.....
      #275598 - 07/25/06 11:03 AM
_Willow

Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.

Well, I've been wrestling with whether or not to say anything, but here gos...I'll put it out there, and if you accept it, you do, and if not, then at least I'm not withholding.

I've made a promise to myself to be more blunt and open about things, and to be more true to myself.

I met him. A few times.

He is more wonderful in person than he was for the seven hours we spent on the phone, and the 24 5 page e-mails we wrote, and the 40 text messages we sent.

He is sweet, kind, emotionally open, outgoing, handsome, honest about everything, giving, and sensitive.

I've been to his place, which he shares witha friend. I've very briefly met his daughter. I've gone for walks, gone to movies, gone to dinner, had him visit over here, WITHOUT KAYLEIGH by the way...

I know trevor and I ahve only been split a while, but Trevor knows all about it and is happy for me...
In fact, he's encouraging it. It's changed our relationship to friendly again, which is so nice. I asked Trevor what he'd feel if I went on a date, sort of giving him a last "in" if he wanted (which I doubted) and he said he just wanted my happiness, and Kayleigh's. We are far better suited to friends anyhow.

Anyways, I know about Jason's hopes, dreams, fears...etc...and we had similar confusing childhoods, and have both sought therapy to get better and learn how to live out loud. He's not pressuring me in any way-for commitment, for love, for sex-at all. We're just really insanely enjoying each other.

I have never dated someone before who didn't push me into anything. NEVER. And never have i dated someone who is even remotely like me...but Jason and I are really a fair bit alike. BUT, not enough to drive me crazy either.

I know this is insane to say, but I can see us dating a long time. And I don't even remotely get the sense that he's replacing a hole that trevor left behind...because I started to mend that hole well before trevor left me, to be true.

There are some seroiusly tangible and many intangibles that make me KNOW that this man is different from anyone else I've ever dated. And according to the list of necessary things that my mate must have, which I compiled BEFORE I met him....this guy is darn near perfect for me, on a SOUL level, not a shallow, looks/money/prestige level like I chose them before.

I'm really really happy for the first time in a LONG time. And I'm still protecting my heart and praying every day.

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Keep on keepin' on...

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Re: OKay ladies and gents...my update, here it is.....
      #275609 - 07/25/06 11:44 AM
michele

Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan

Glad to hear its all working out well and your feeling good! I think if your happy, go for it! Slowly, but go for it!!

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Taking it one day at a time.....

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Re: OKay ladies and gents...my update, here it is.....
      #275612 - 07/25/06 12:05 PM
Snorkie

Reged: 02/15/05
Posts: 1999
Loc: Northern Illinois, USA

I was just wondering how you were doing!
I hope everything works out just how you want it. You deserve the best!

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Re: OKay ladies and gents...my update, here it is.....
      #275613 - 07/25/06 12:06 PM
hohoyumyum

Reged: 05/28/03
Posts: 2263
Loc: SacTown, CA

What's most important is that you are happy and comfortable with the situation. Go with your gut. Good luck.

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***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.



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Some more info, to put you at ease...
      #275635 - 07/25/06 01:39 PM
_Willow

Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.

hi everyone.
I thought I should give you a little more info, so you're not too suspicious.

We have spent over ten hours on the phone together, talking about our lives, our pasts, why our marriages failed etc. His wife left him for the same general reasons that Trevor left me; she wanted to be promiscuous again, sex never happened, and they just became friends and nothing more. She wasn't affectionate, she was very selfish. in fact, i guess the two of them would make a good couple. She is a psychologist, oddly enough, and though Jason had a tough childhood, he's worked through it all, likely with her.

They were married eight years and it was on the rocks before their daughter came around.Speaking of daughters,don't you all worry-I'm not bringing my daughter into this until, and only until its been a long while. I don't want to mess her up at all, and I'm spending a ton of time with her, and doing fun things with her a lot, except this week, where I've been sick.

He is separated from his ex and they live in different places- I've been to his place, met his roommate, and seen his daughter. This is all legitimate. He's even shown me where she goes to daycare.He has his daughter 50% of the time. I saw him yesterday and he told me he missed her, even though he saw her 2 days ago. Sounds like a pretty dedicated dad.

They aren't divorced because here you can just be separated and don't NEED divorce to do anything but legally marry again.They get along well, too. I don't care about a divorce from Trevor either-we get along OK, and if
he's doing what he has to and I'm doing the same, we don't need to pay $3000 to have someone tell us what to do.

Now this isn't to say that I should give him all i am and trust him completely yet, but we've been talking for three weeks now and have had some very in depth, very honest and very serious converastions. He's a talker, too. Usually I don't date talkers.

The nicest thing is that he does know I'm still healing, so he is being patient and kind with me. We are getting along
exceptionally well, on a mental, spiritual and emotional level though. He's strong in his Catholic faith.

And the weirdest thing is, I feel so at peace walking past
Trevor's place, even when his girlfriend is over. I KNOW our split was for the best. I do heal fast, but I agree fully that I want to heal thoroughly.

Let me tell ya, that therapist sure has helped!So has God.

Thank you all for your concern! I am playing it smart, really I am. It may seem fast, but when you've been emotionally sseparate since practically the very beginning(since we got married five years ago) then there's not a HUGE tie to sever, especially when you never see them more than 6 hours a week.


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Keep on keepin' on...

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Re: Some more info, to put you at ease...
      #275653 - 07/25/06 03:51 PM
Toady

Reged: 04/06/06
Posts: 1299
Loc: A small city, Northwestern Ontario, Canada

As long as you are happy I will be happy for you.

Cassandra

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Cassandra

Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.

IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up!

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I am unconditionally happy for you!
      #275657 - 07/25/06 04:31 PM
atomic rose

Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)

I know what it's like to be in a marriage where there's no connection... when the split is finally "legally" (or physically) made, you suddenly realize that the split REALLY happened a long time ago, and you're already well on the way to healing.

Anyway. Finding someone who really "gets" you is a priceless treasure. I know you'll be responsible about what you're doing, and really don't owe anyone any justification or explanation. Enjoy it!

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THANK YOU!
      #275666 - 07/25/06 08:02 PM
_Willow

Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.

Casey, I know I don't need to have anyone's blessing, but yes, it was a very empty marriage, and I KNOW what I want now. All the people who know me well IRL know that this is soooooo good for me. It's hard convincing anyone who hasn't "been there" though that he's not just some rebound idiot that I'll toss out with the trash.

Granted, I am just getting to know him and I am being responsible with my body, soul and heart...but I am loving every moment of it.


Thank you for helping me to feel validated. ps- Tina and Tommy have been lurning and Tina thinks it's rip roaring awesome.

--------------------
Keep on keepin' on...

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Re: THANK YOU! new
      #275668 - 07/25/06 08:12 PM
hohoyumyum

Reged: 05/28/03
Posts: 2263
Loc: SacTown, CA

Obviously I don't know you in person and I haven't been around to see everything that has happened but you definately sound much more positive than you have for a while. You seem content and confident and happier. And hopefully this will work out for you.

--------------------
***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.



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Re: OKay ladies and gents...my update, here it is..... new
      #275669 - 07/25/06 08:29 PM
Dr. Spice Yamin

Reged: 04/15/04
Posts: 3286
Loc: Maryland

phew.. at first when I read your original post (the first few lines) I was afraid that you were going to say that you were getting back with the ex.

Glad to hear that you are not!!! wooohooo!! This new guy sounds great, and i'm happy for you! You seem to be handling it well and taking your time is a good thing...

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