Aaa!Help! Need advice!
#274163 - 07/15/06 02:24 PM
|
|
|
|
|
_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
|
|
|
I don't know what to feel! I've been chatting with this guy and he really wants to meet, and...the scary thing is....so do I! And I really think he's probably great!
Should I? I'd meet in public. We've been emailing several times a day for the last week and seriously have so much in common, on a deep level. i'm so freaked out because my heart's saying why not and my head is saying ARE YOU MAD?
Meanwhile my ex is boinking the same girl and brought her into bed with our daughter...so why should I feel guilt? Not that I intend on hopping into bed with anyone. he's a Catholic and Im a Christian girl now too...
what do you think??? He's really cute, and is a single dad with a 2 y.o daughter, sep[arated for 1 1/2 years...(since my daughter was 2 y.o...weird.)
please advise me!I'd meet in public and take it slow but should I?? Am I getting wrapped up in this because I'm hurting? He knows where I am and doens't want to push anything.
--------------------
Keep on keepin' on...
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I would wait. Your husband could use it against you. A friend of mine had a judge that sided completely with her husband even though he was leadig a double life, etc. If he cares he will wait. Of course, I am also 30 years older than you and an old fart, so who am I to give advice?
--------------------
Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I'd wait, too. If this man wants to be friends with you, that's fine. But I have to wonder if you have had time to grieve the relationship that is lost, even if it wasn't an ideal one. It was your life for a long while. Take it slow and take care of yourself for a while.
BUT, there is nothing wrong with chatting with people and having a little flirt. Just be sure to maintain some distance.
--------------------
***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
just be friends for now, if nothing else than just until this mess with your husband is better sorted out so it can't be used against you. He should be understanding somewhat since he's been through separation himself, and there is nothing wrong with being friends first!
--------------------
 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
--------------------
 Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I know it looks like I'm rushing to date someone. It must. I think though, that because Trevor lives three doors down, because of the serious crap he has pulled in such a short time and because of the freakiness of the whole situation, I am getting over him faster than others would. It's sort of life in fast forward. We have everything but the legalities sorted out and he is paying the bills still, and the dust has settled basically. I'm not wanting to kill him every time I see him, and not hiding when he brings his girlfriend in front of my house anymore. It's life in a fishbowl here but I cannot deny or refuse to deal with reality.
We were together for six years, but happy, really happy, for one. He's neglected me for four years, and never said too much for kind words in the last three years. Because of that we were emotionally divorced, but I was in denial about that.
That is why I am even considering meeting this guy. it wouldn't be for at least a week anyhow. I guess I'm just considering phoning him.
Sigh, my list that I was writing for the counsellor of what i'll find in a man is him to a T. that's why I don't want him to get away. You're right, if he's really that into me, he will wait.
He's off in another province visiting family and keeps making excuses to check his e-mail to write me this last few days. Sigh, what to do.....
--------------------
Keep on keepin' on...
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I think it's ok to get to know this guy as friends...just go slow with EVERYTHING. If he's real antsy to get physical or real deep really fast...well, then you don't want that anyway right?
--------------------
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hey there!
I only have a minute to pop in but as much as I know you don't want to hear it, you've gotten good advice here. I never wanted to hear it either and I didn't listen. It's truly not until you're totally outside of the situation (years later) that you'll look back and KNOW you weren't ready. You'll wonder what you were in such a hurry for and wished you had just slowed down and worked on yourself. That's ME and some of my friends to a T. No one ever realizes what they're dealing with until they've made a mistake they regret. Please trust me on that one.
Go ahead and talk to him. Write. Some time see him. But try very hard to keep things casual. Trevor CAN use this against you (as someone else had said). Because if you want to bring up all that he's done (going out with chicky before divorce) he can just use your dating as an example that either you do the same or that it doesn't matter to you.
You have a life time to find someone else. In my experience it takes a good month of dating someone to realize they're not that "perfect match" that you thought they were. And then you'll wonder why you rushed. Please, please play it slow. I'm happy that you feel you've moved on but just know from the people here that have done it before you....you have much more healing to do.
All said with only the best intentions....
Lauren
--------------------
Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I do and I will do everything I can to take everything slow...but we have talked now and he seems so beyond everything I've ever looked for, already. I know I have work to do on me, and I am at a place where I don't want to use Trevor's stuff against him anymore but wouldn't be privy to telling anyone about this except my family.
I am one of those people though, that once I know I've been defeated in a battle, I pack up and get my stuff outta there ASAP. It's always been like that in relationships too. I know I'm still hurting though, and because of that I don't want to rush ANYTHING with this guy. And he's really mature and very understanding of that, so I know if he thinks it's worth it he will wait for me... he's got his whole head figured out by the sounds of it.
Anyhow, I will keep you all updated ok? I'll be very very careful, I swear. 
--------------------
Keep on keepin' on...
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Sigh,
#274201 - 07/16/06 12:55 AM
|
|
|
|
|
_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
|
|
|
I don't want to get physical at all yet. But he is emotionally deep and open which I have never seen in a man before, at least not in one who seems as secure as this guy does. I'm actually a really good judge of character, believe it or not. Trevor was the perfecct man for the 24 year old me. Unfortunately, he still is perfect for the 24 year old me.
--------------------
Keep on keepin' on...
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
