wedding ettique question
#270113 - 06/19/06 02:14 PM
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Dajara
Reged: 12/01/05
Posts: 347
Loc: Medicine Hat. AB. CAN
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I understand that this is the place to put all non-ibs related questions.. Well, this has nothing to do with ibs what so ever and i see that there is a large amount of females on this board so here is my question...
I'm getting married in june/07. When is the proper time to send out invitations, when is the best time to have rsvps back by, and what is the best way to say *pls give us money not gifts*??? (We are kinda unique and most of our family would more than likely get us gifts that we would have no use for.. I precidt something like, 4 toasters, 3 blenders, <and a partrige in a pear tree> haha)
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You can try doing something like setting up an account for monetary gifts and stating on the invitations that if people would like to present a gift to the couple, please do so by contibuting to your financial stability, blah, blah, something like that. I'm not much help with the invite timing. My husband and I eloped and told his parents 3 days before we went. But I would imagine that the RSVP needs to be in time to allow you to have the needed time to plan. And I would give people about a month to get back to me. That should be long enough for them to make their own arrangements.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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1) invitations should be sent out around two months before the event -- 6-8 weeks-ish.
2) You'll want your RSVPs in as soon as possible -- this is mainly for getting final counts to the caterer as everything else you'll pretty much have to guess ahead of time. If you want your RSVPs to come back, make sure that you make it as easy for them as possible, i.e. a stamped and pre-addressed envelope with a card that they just have to check off if they're coming or not.
3) There is no classy way to say "give me money." And I don't recommend doing it except with close friends and family. Most people still frown upon registration cards in wedding invitations, let alone saying you want cash instead of gifts. but -- I got married two years ago and most people asked our families what we wanted anyway, so they got us stuff from our registry. The people who didn't know our families to ask and didn't ask us directly typically gave us cash or gift cards anyway. I think we really only ended up with a couple gifts that we didn't want. But, we invited these people so they could share in one of the most important days of our lives, not so they'd give us gifts. (OK, and some of them we invited because we were emotionally blackmailed by our parents, but whatever.) You probably won't end up caring too much even if you did get toasters. And if you do have to donate crappy wedding presents to Goodwill's, you can always get a receipt and deduct them from your taxes.
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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I'm in the process of wedding planning right now and even bought "Wedding Planning for Dummies" and they concur with Jen who said wedding invitations should be sent out about 6-8 weeks in advance. If you have a lot of travelling guests Save The Date cards are recommended as well...and are usually sent anywhere from 6 months to a year in advance depending on how far people will be travelling.
My book says there is no way to politely ask for money, and also frowns on registries in the invitations. Best recommedation I've gotten so far is to let people in the wedding party and close family know you would prefer money (and/or where you are registered) and that way when people ask them (and I'm sure they will) they can relay the information. That way it doesn't come across as tacky and you hopefully get what you want.
A great site to check out is www.theknot.com It's a great wedding resource and has loads of good info on etiquette among other things.
Good luck!
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I would say get your invitations out by early March to give people enough time to respond. If you're getting married in June, leave enough time that you can have a few days of leeway, like a week, and then still have time for the caterer to have their final number.
So I would say early May, depending on when the caterer wants their number.
Secondly, for showers and such, you can just tastefully tell who is givin gthe shower that you would prefer gift certificates to your favourite store/ or even travel agent nowadays. I know of a couple who got married later in life, and registered with a travel agency to help pay for their honeymoon - what a neat idea!
Another thing that you can do is say "gift suggestions call......" and then have that person tell them you prefer cash. I think it's a bit tacky to say bluntly in the invitation that you want cash only, but you can put it on a separate card in the invitation that you are saving for X and would appreciate contributions to the fund for it.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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First, congratulations!! I didn't know you were getting married!! June is the perfect month for a wedding 
This post is right up my alley!! Ask me anything!!
1. Yes, everyone is right - 6 to 8 weeks before is when to send out your invitations. There are a few exceptions - 6 weeks before my wedding was Good Friday. I waited until the Tuesday after to post them. (If you're Catholic, it's apparently a faux pas to send out wedding invites during Lent ? I'm not Catholic so I'm just going on what I was told by my m-i-l )
Allow 2 - 3 weeks for replies. If its formal, ensure you include your self addressed, stamped reply card & envelope. Or, informal you can have phone or email reply. Give yourself 2 to 3 weeks before the big day to have all of your numbers into the caterer. Someone always cancels at the last minute too. Most caterers will adjust if there is only 1 or 2 people and it is a sit down (mine was).
2. Money. It's not nice, but you can put, in small letters on the wedding invite - presentation preferred - It works, and in this day and age it is happening more and more. Or, like someone else said, do you have a favorite shop you can register at. I registered at Sears and Home Outfitters, and requested gift cards on my registery. Another idea is - presentation towards XXXX - we were going to put bedroom suit but decided against it. Most people will be okay with it. Your old blue haired aunties will still make you a blue, pink and black quilt for your bed even still!! (My auntie Marg did! But I still love her for it!) My best suggestion is to register for a few items you know you will want / need - towels, linens, dishes. Especially for your shower. It doesn't have to be a lot either - I just did a small registery, and ask everyone to include the gift receipts. This way, if you don't like it, you can always get store credit! (Worked for me!)
Um, what else? Uh, yes, in your shower invites you can say if you are registered / wanting cash and where. It's not completely faux pas.
The stuff to worry about right now, as its a year before - your dress. Find or arrange your dressmaker if you haven't already. Book your place and your photographer, they book up early for June weddings. You also need a JP or minster / priest.
Start looking at your rings, shoes, invites at 6 months ahead. Plus you music (if any) if you are having a shag (social) should be booked too.
Get the m-o-h and wedding party outfitted by 3 or so months before - sooner if you have to order in dresses etc.
Get the groomsmen and groom dress 6 weeks to a month before.
And RELAX. It seems overwhelming and I know it is. I pray you have an awesome m-o-h or sister etc to help you!!
Plan for everything to fall apart in one way or another at least once. DON'T STRESS!! (I did waaaaaayyyyy toooo much - I'll share my left overs with you!!) AND HAVE FUN PLANNING!!!!!
Happy Wedding Planning!!
Cassandra
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up!
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Thanks all for replying... Here is kinda whats going on at our wedding.. (PS I warn again that my fiance and I are not normal people... Just remember that fact)
We pretty much have most of it planned out.. Not having a shower though (unfortunatly) I don't have any female friends and my mother decided to move to Nova Scotia(she even asked if it would be ok if she didn't show up... but thats a touchy subject)
We are doing a quick 15min. JP ceremony in the hotel room, and then having a reception for our family.. (We don't have any friends that would be part of the wedding party, plus we are trying to go as non-conventional as possible)
My dress is so gorgeous and I get to pick it up in a couple weeks. It's a two piece(top and skirt) the top is going to be a corset in black chinese silk with a red dragon pattern (and a red ribbon going down the front) the skirt is going to be either black velvet or black satin with a pannel of the chinese silk going down the front.. The rings that we are getting are called Mokume (made in the same style as japanese katanas)
http://www.mokume-gane.com/ (rings)
https://secure.dns77.com/www_barbiesshop_com/cart/product_info.php?cPath=26&products_id=81 (skirt)
For our honeymoon we are going to banff for a couple days then calgary for a few more days. It's going to be great. We are getting married on June 2nd/2007 (we were going to do it on the 4th which would be our five year ann. but the 4th is a monday) We got engaged on my bday in dec 04. (He couldn't think of what to get me for my bday so he gave me the gift of him)
once i figure out how to add pics to my posts i will have to add some after the wedding. i'm excited.... (being a chronic planner, I have everything booked that needs to be, just have to do the little things, like decorations, deciding on a cake, flowers, and the most fun part, lingerie haha)
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You sounds like we did!! Non-conventional - but Thomas' aunts threw me a shower. We had 15 guests, all were immediate family except my grandma's best friend, who is just like another grandma to me. We got married outside, had drinks, then dinner. Everyone was gone by 9 pm and we were in the jacuzzi tub by 9:30!! Good for you!! You do not have to conform to the "norm" - we didn't! We do have to have a drop-in get-together at my grandma's July 8th so everyone who didn't get invited to the wedding can come say hello. It's a small sacrifice!
You sound like you know what you are doing, carry on and post if you have any other questions!
BTW are you making your own invites or having them made?
Cassandra
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up!
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(nt)
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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I'm really not sure. I don't know what would be best..
What did you guys end up doing? (I don't even know what kind of place in medicine hat would make them in the first place..) What kind of wedding cake type thing did you end up going with?? Odds are if we did get a cake it would be more so for the family as I proably shouldn't eat any of it and my fiance doesn't like cake..
How excatly did you guys do the wording on the invites?? Would it be best to include the childrens names on the invites? (my bother's each have kids that would more than likely come out as well)
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