Oh lord, another addition to the saga
#267019 - 06/01/06 03:48 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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The girl is not even 18 yet. She is 17.
I got the book "It's called a breakup because it's broken" and so far it's great advice.
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WHAT IS he thinking? Oh, wait... He's NOT!!
Keep reading that book...and be as strong as you can in this situation....
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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Oh no!!
#267023 - 06/01/06 03:58 PM
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epa_ginger
Reged: 02/23/05
Posts: 1158
Loc: Chicago, IL
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She obviously doesn't know what she's doing---but he SHOULD.
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Eeeewwwwwww.... WHAT THE H@LL IS HE THINKING???????????
You know what, maybe she wants a sugar daddy type. When he pays you child support and is hopefully BROKE, she'll leave him and maybe find someone her own age.
He needs a kick where the sun don't shine. 
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He wants to boink a 17 year old!? That is soooo disgusting.
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It is! At my gym class tonight there were some high school girls in my class. I looked at them and they're sooooo young (17-8). I cannot imagine a man of 29 appealing to a young girl like that BUT I cannot imagaine that an adult of 29 would EVEN THINK OF having a relationship with a kid.
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Oh geez. He does need a kick where the sun don't shine.
I'm so sorry you have to go through all this.
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Shannon,
I have been off the last few nights helping a friend but wanted to pop on to see how things were going for you. I am so sorry to hear about all this. I can't believe that he would do something that stupid. It will be a matter of time before he winds up with charges pressed against him for either sexual harassment or something worse. Nothing in this relationship with this teenie bopper is going to benefit him, only cause him problems which hopefully don't get passed on to you.
I have a friend in the resturant business and his motto has been "don't f#%( with the help" since he became a manager/trainer. He has gotten rid of assistant managers for screwing around since he doesn't want the business going under because he has an employee more interested in getting laid than making money.
I know you will do what is best for yourself and Kayleigh. I wish you all the strength and courage as you go through this, I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
I love the new photo! 
Michelle
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Oy
#267047 - 06/01/06 08:03 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I've been reading along and following the saga, but I know I haven't been saying much... this, however, has knocked me right out of lurk mode.
Has he lost his friggin' MIND??
Ok, so it's pretty clear that he HAS... or he's thinking with the wrong head, whichever you want to go with... I'm so sorry, Shannon. But you know, you don't need that kind of... insanity!... in your life. Be strong, sweetie. I'll be thinking of you. *hugs*
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Wow
#267049 - 06/01/06 08:09 PM
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Your husband is clearly very, very lost. I've been away a couple of days, but are they just "talking," or is there more going on? I mean, I teach high school, and to me, this goes beyond just "inappropriate."
I'm so sorry, Shannon.
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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he wouldn't hire me at his restaurant because he didn't want the politics. I'm not even sure thy're dating but it should be illegal if they are or do.
and his response to what would happen if they do date, and his restaurant is on the line for this?
"I'd just make her quit"
WTF???? I cannot even wrap my brain around this. Someone's ona sick power trip. I'm so mad and disgusted and hurt that I can't even cry about it!!
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Casey
#267053 - 06/01/06 08:19 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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I'm just beside myself with...I don't even KNOW which emotion to feel!! What if his daughter knew?? Poor innocent kayleigh!!
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I guess...I don't even know how t feel. it's grossly inappropriate. First of all, he is her BOSS, secondly he is married to me and has a child only 13 years younger, and thirdly, he is 29 years old!
I don't know even where to begin in my disgust and anger and whatever i is supposed to be that I feel. I feel like the guy REALLY needs help.
And irony or no? He has been talking about younger girls to me for a while, and looks at "barely legal" porn. Oh, God, I wish I knew that it'd lead to this!!
*crying*
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Edited by Shannon :) (06/01/06 08:24 PM)
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Shannon,
I'm so sad for you. The truth is that it seems like this really makes things over--really over. You probably couldn't ever go back after this, and that has got to be as devastating as anything else.
It's just me, but I would probably make sure the girl's parents know what's going on. I think a lot of men probably fantasize about girls that age, but most men understand that the maturity factor makes it inappropriate. It just goes back to the fact that Trevor is very, very lost right now.
I'm so sad for you and your family.
Hugs!!!!!!!!!
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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and threatened Trevor, but apparently according to Trevor he doesn't CARE!!
This is NOT the man I married, and I don't even know WHO this man is anymore.
it's obviously over, but it still makes me think he's ill or something and I want to like, save him...I'm debating telling his mother...she and I are close but she said she didn't want to know about the bad stuff. I'm really torn.
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Hi Shannon,
I'm so sorry that he is putting you through this. I really hope that he has now moved into his brother's place b/c there's no way that you should have to have him under your roof a minute longer.
His behaviour is totally unacceptable and disrespectful to you. It's just not fair that he's putting you and your daughter through this.
I'm glad that book has some good advice for you. Hopefully work will keep you busy for a while to take your mind off of things.
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.
Jenn
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Yeah, don't go there. It could burn a major bridge with his family, and you need all the support you can get! Just spill to us and your friends as much as possible.
Just remember that this is not your fault! He obviously needs some major therapy and spiritual guidance. He lost his way somehow.
I'm relieved to know that the girl's dad knows and at least has his head on straight!
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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because currently his brother is living with a good friend of his, who happens to be also a good friend of mine. When she moves out(and oh, do I wish it was out to here!)then Trevor can move in. Until then, he has no offers of where to stay, and his mother will not let him stay either because he's out till all hours of the night. He's just being so deviant. honest to God, I feel like this is Jerry Springer stuff, and I can't stand to be associated with it, but I guess I'm counting down the month. Until I'm frighteningly broke or bankrupt because of this, and until he is gone.
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I have been away most of the evening...in the US, if a man over 18 is sleeping with someone under 18, he can be convicted of statutory rape. I am not making a call as to if Trevor has crossed that line but he better start thinking with his brain.
You have much information to hold over him when it comes to court.
I am so sorry....
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Have a blessed day! Rachel
Formerly poochibelly...
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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is that5 the dad has been abusing the girl, so he's obviously overreacting, and Trevor's bosses are all supposedly on Trevor's side about it, even though they've talked to him about it...it's soooooooo weird.
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Oh Shannon, I'm so sorry to hear that!
Do you have a garage? Make him sleep in there! Better yet how about in his new car in the parking lot of the restaurant...lol.
I'm sorry, this just really angers me to hear that he's being such an ass and is totally taking advantage of staying in the house. I mean as everyone has said he will have to pay you child support and probably alimony if you're supply teaching.
Have the fulltime postings gone up yet in Alberta?
Jenn
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I don't *think* he'd be stupid enough, but his porn is "barely legal" porn and he's made a million cracks about when kayleigh's friends are teenagers... stuff I thought he was just being a loser about but it's making a lot of sense now.
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Even if the dad is abusing her, Trevor is abusing her, too. He is taking advantage of someone who is not only young but vulnerable, too!
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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we do not have a garage. we rent a townhouse.
And yes, the postings have gone up. Where are you from and what do YOU do?
I do very well FOR a sub but really it's only $20,000 CDN a year, and that's not enough to raise my gorgeous girl.
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That is not even funny. That joke is disgusting.
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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and I'm just, shaking my head and trying not to throw up!
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I know!
#267077 - 06/01/06 08:58 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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And I thought he was just saying it to get a rise out of me. I've just fallen so far in my heart this week. I just wish someone could tell me what is appropriate to feel!
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Hi Shannon,
I just graduated teacher's college at the University of Windsor (Junior/Intermediate with a Phys.Ed teachable). I just moved to Durham region about an hour outside of Toronto.
I've been applying to positions like crazy, got an interview early on for one but sadly didn't get it. That's ok though I wasn't expecting to get the job from my first interview...lol. I have been placed on the supply list though and the rate of pay is very good, they just signed a new collective agreement so it's gone up to $171/day. Toronto teaching positions go up at the end of June so I will try my luck with that. There system is much easier you first have an initial interview to get put on the 'eligible to hire list' and then from there you call and book an interview with the principal when jobs are advertised. In Durham you send your resume directly to the principal but they decided whether to call you.
Oh well, a little frustrating but hopefully it all turns out ok.
20,000 doesn't seem like much. Are you able to claim unemployment insurance in the summer at all?
Jenn
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If you have any supply teaching tricks I'd love to hear them.
I'm a little nervous about it.
Jenn
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I cannot believe he said that! Shannon I do not want to offend you, but I would be very careful leaving my daughter with him. You did think that all of this was a joke once before, but now you've learned that he's serious, and is really doing the things that he jokes about. I would be seriously concerned about my daughter with him as she grows up. I know he probably would never do anything.. but from an objective point of view (and I know thats hard for you to do because you love him- he's really crossed the line). I truly hope that his jokes are just jokes, but the fact that he's so interested in younger women, makes me wonder if he's really joking about what he says he is. I don't want to offend, but its something that you should think about, considering I can imagine how hard it is for you digest that because I know you still love him.
It sounds like he's given you a lot of crap that you've put up with over the years (not going to family events, being a jerk, looking at porn comprised of barely legals). If anything you've gone above and beyond as a wife. A lot of people wouldn't allow their husbands to stay out late, and look at porn, so in that fact, he was a lucky man. He'll someday realize that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. because good luck finding a woman that is as accepting as you were.
Ugh.. I still cannot believe that comment.. i'm sorry, but I now think he needs to be kicked out. Make him live in a cardboard box if necessary. He's crossed the line and is manipulating you to let him stay in the house at this point.
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Oh nice!
#267085 - 06/01/06 09:06 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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See, my collective is paying $163 a day, but it's sort of beans compared to when I'm on contract and making almost double that per day. Plus all the medical,dental, retirement etc.
If I could I'd uproot kay and move there, because you have such a need for teachers. I bet you'll be on in no time. Calgary too-they're screaming for teachers. No, Edmonton is NOT. I think they're all boomers here, so some of these oldies need to be evicted, lol. In 2 years they're predicting a shortage here too. So I know it's short term, and they're saying it's very likely I'll be hired by fall.
last summer I went through SOOOOOO much crap to get EI, and I didn't actually get paid till mid August. Buuut, I might do that this year, and maybe work at Starbucks part time. Still not 100% sure how I'll work things.
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if you have before...I don't think you have.
It's shan underscore the underscore webb at yahoo dot ca
i have a pile of tricks and a "tickle trunk" I bring with me everywhere.  And I'm addicted to being a helper!
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Thanks, no I haven't emailed you before.
But that would be great.
Jenn
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That's why I want to tell his mother. that's why I'm just beyond confused as to WHAT to feel.
Help!
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it's really not so bad. I'm elem but have done junior and senior high, and even that isn't TOO bad. Though I do get lost in the crowd as a 5'2 lady in highschool. 
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I dunno what to do about the mother situation..
On the one hand, you want her on your side and don't want to cause more problems.. however, on the other hand, this man seriously needs help. His obsession with little girls is crossing the line, and may result in putting his own daughter in danger. If you honestly thought that she'd make him get help and that he'd listen, then I would probably tell her. She may hate you, and he may never forgive you- but you've lost him already and truthfully I wouldn't want him back. HOwever, at least you'll save other young girls in the future, and lord knows how many other 14 or 17 yr old girls there will be. On the other hand, if the mom would brush you off and he wouldn't listen to her, I might avoid opening up that can of worms, and try telling someone that has a real effect on him and his behavior.
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I dont' know who he listens to. it's never been anyone, and the two people who've had the most effect have been his mom and I, but she isn't getting anything out of him.
See why I'm so lost?
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***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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This is off-topic but just fyi, check with a lawyer or someone with the agency and find out if working part time will screw up your eligibility for unemployment money. If they catch you working, then they can say you don't need their help.
As for the other stuff -- yech. At least you can thank him for making it impossible for you to ever want him back!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Too bad Mummy doesn't want to hear the bad stuff about her little boy. Maybe that is why he is the way he is. If you don't tell her maybe there is someone who could. She should know. My grandmother was upset with my father when he was cheating, but until she died she always considered my mother her DIL, not his new wife.
Remember Loraina Bobbitt?
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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Dear Shannon
#267124 - 06/02/06 05:43 AM
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ecmmbm
Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina
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I just want to say I'm so so sorry. I cannot fully imagine how you must be feeling. If you can manage it, try to think of it this way: he has chosen this path- you must turn your focus solely to how you respond. This is the time for boundaries and keeping in mind what you can control and what you can't. Nothing he chooses to do can hurt you anymore (easier said than done) because it's not about you at all, and you are not responsible for any of his choices. None of this is your fault and you can do nothing to control it. What you can do is leave him to live with the consequences of his poor choices, and take steps (one at a time) to make sure you and your dear sweet baby girl are safe and provided for.
I am praying for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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OMG
#267129 - 06/02/06 06:05 AM
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Don't even waste your time trying to "save him". Noooooooooo!!!!!
He's a h@rny guy who likes VERY young girls. I doubt you can save him. Nope. Let him get smacked around by the dad of the girl!!!!
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This is just unbelievable. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your husband needs help.
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God is Faithful!
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Oh sweetie, big hugs. My boss is in and I don't have time to read all the replies but wanted to say that you are a beautiful woman and you will make it through this awful time and find someone even better!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I haven't been posting much in the past couple months just lurking because things have been crazy busy. But I just wanted to say that I feel for you. I have been following along and I just think you will be so much better of without him. I know it doesn't seem that way now but it will get better.
A close friend of mine is going through the same thing. Her hubbie of 17 years wants a divorce. He told her Sunday and since then he hasn't worn his wedding ring and has already found an apartment and will move out this weekend. He told her she wasn't exciting enough and wasn't open to sexual encounters that he would like to be involved in, etc. I have always thought he was a pervert with remarks he makes and actions but I never thought he would leave her. I don't know what to say to her or how to comfort her. She thinks it is all her fault because she is too boring.
I hope you know that none of this is your fault in anyway. It is not about you, it is definitely his issue!
What's wrong with these men? I think it is a midlife crisis thing. I hope you and your daughter can get through this. I will pray for you both.
HUGS,
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Christie
~Hoping and Praying for Sleep!~
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What a creep! Shannon stay strong and I agree with Ashly. I would be very leary about leaving your daughter alone with him especially the comments he has made before. *hugs* and I continue to pray for you!
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OH MY GOODNESS...My sister is seventeen and i found it hard accepting her boyfriend whos same age as me (20)
THAT is so so so so so bad on you and her. I don`t really know what to say other than it sounds harsh but it sounds like you are better of without him. I am sending you and your little girl (adorable by the way) massive hugs. I can`t imagine what you are going through right now and I wish I could say something to make you feel better.Keep reading that book, stay strong and brave and remember the support on here. I am thinking of you and praying that some luck comes your way.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Jo x
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http://www.myspace.com/jo_elsmere
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What are the laws there? Haven't her parents contacted the authorites? If it was my 17 year old daughter (who is now 33) I would have her examined by a doctor and he would be in some real trouble.
Hang tough sister ... now that you feel you might have hit bottom, the only way is up!! Things always get better looking up.
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 Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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He does need help. This is probably something that he's been fighting with his whole life. Once you get married though, you should NEVER cheat. And cheating with a 17 year old crosses yet another line. I hope he gets the help that he needs.
It's definitely not your fault because you're obviously an attractive, kind woman, so don't place any of the blame on yourself for not being a good enough wife, etc... He needs some good counseling.
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Jon - (IBS C)
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Politics? He called it politics?!? I am sorry I would sum it up as I like to play the field and look all macho at work and don't have to deal with the missus finding out. Sorry to be so nasty but it just aggravates me when good people get hurt by the selfishness of others. You must have some heck of a will power not to shake him silly while yelling "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!? ARE YOU THINKING?!?"
And then to think he can force her to quit? I can only imagine how fast her parents will be suing the resturant and him. What does he think that she is so "in love with him" that she will do any he says. Ever hear of free will?
You are so much better off without him. I can only hope that when it comes to Kayleigh he will at least use some of the few undamaged remaining brain cells. Obviously from your messages...there aren't many of them left. I hope for everyone's sake he gets it together and soon!
Bigs hugs to you and Kayleigh. I love that photo of you two! Just makes me grin.
-Michelle
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Actually I almost be afraid of him being around any teenaged babysitter you might have for Kayleigh. Corrupt the babysitter and have no one watching Kayleigh...that scares me more.
I just can't believe how sick he is to even joke about that. Something is seriously wrong with him if he thinks that is okay. I don't know how the laws are where you live, but possession of child/underage porn is against the law. Even when it is barely of age, they seem to crack down on that. I would be afraid to have any of that on your computer or in the house that it might cause you problems.
Still makes me sick that he would joke about it. I think the cardboard box might be too nice of accommodations for him at this point.
Michelle
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but of course left out the 17 thing. She is just sick over it and told me I shoulda kicked him out last night. Yeah, I shoulda. One more month, less than that. I'll keep the peace while i get a lawyer and counselling and become fabulous without him.
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OMG...
#267349 - 06/02/06 08:00 PM
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hohoyumyum
Reged: 05/28/03
Posts: 2263
Loc: SacTown, CA
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Please be very careful. I know you will be but that's just not right that he'd even joke about that.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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Hmmmm....sounds like I hear you drafting your Teacher of the Year/Decade/Century award speech already? Let me know when you are ready to practice with an audience. I can cheer really loudly for you from here in the States.
-Michelle
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I hope for kayleighs and my sake that he gets his crap together and grows up and holds up his end of the legal bargain, which we haven't set up yet. I lost the guts to see a lawyer yesterday and after finding this out, am kicking myself. I'm wearing my rings, but on the wrong hands!
i ahve amazing self control I guess. I am basically telling him he's an idiot, he's nuts and whatever, but he's Mr I do what I want and you can't change me....so it'd go in one ear and out the other.
He needs help though.
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kick him out if you can.. if his own mom agrees, thats got to stand for something. I know its very hard for you financially, but relying on him is still allowing him to play tricks with your mind.. and its letting him manipulate you into thinking you need him to survive. Additionally, it will be hard to move on and become that fabulous woman when a man you love, but treated you like crap lives under the same roof. If you have to wait you have to wait, but I'd try to find ways around it and research other options. Having him there is putting a damper on you realistically being able to move on with your own life.
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Re: Craziness
#267384 - 06/03/06 07:38 AM
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Flipada
Reged: 03/02/06
Posts: 1026
Loc: West Michigan, USA
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When you say you lost your guts (getting a lawyer) what do you mean? What are you feeling? Are you afraid of how he will react if you get one? Are you afraid that getting a lawyer might make it all too real?
I believe it was only days ago that you were sure that he wouldn't see someone else..that he wasn't that kind of guy. And some of us said, that you never really know a person.
I'm not pulling an I told ya so, but I want you to think about why it is you are resisting getting a lawyer. And maybe part of it is that you still truly believe that he won't take more advantage of you and your daughter. But those of us that have been in this position I'm sure are just dying that you're dragging your feet on the lawyer thing.
Trust me when I say that it can't hurt to get a lawyer. It can only help. You have to stop thinking about him and his feelings all together and what you think you know about him or what you think he'd do, and take care of yourself and your daughter. SHE is number one. You have to take steps to protect her whether her dad is in the picture or not.
I hope this doesn't come across as too harsh but I see a little bit of you in the old me and I just want for you the best. I sense your hesitance and I want to help push you along as others do here. As women with experience in this area, we really are just trying to help.
Get that lawyer, first thing on Monday. No more excuses. You can always find time to talk on the phone....even if you're teaching (planning hour, lunch period, after school). Just do it. Please.
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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Agreed
#267404 - 06/03/06 10:18 AM
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hohoyumyum
Reged: 05/28/03
Posts: 2263
Loc: SacTown, CA
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Definately get that lawyer. He obviously has issues and it's not your job to fix them. But you can take care of you and your daughter. The hardest part is deciding, then all you have to do is follow through. You can do it.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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I'm definitely in the "It's way over" stage, and I try to avoid him. I see him when I get home from work, that's about it. Just like when we were truly married.Plus, I'm going to have to see him every day-he does watch my child every weekday when I work! Two more years, and then she'll hardly ever see her daddy. 
He gets home at 1 AM and then ugh, last night sat on the computer litening to rap till 3AM. Looks like he also got drunk by himself. What a loser. Anyhow, I barely acknowledged him when he came home last night and boy did that feel good! If he thinks he still has a huge hold on me he's wrong. he just can't move out till months end, so I have to tough it out.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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OK, OK!!!
#267408 - 06/03/06 10:28 AM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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I will!
yes, it's hesitation that that will make it real, it's the fact that I'm scared I'll get charged an exorbitant amount, and it's also the belief that he won't screw us over...and also the belief that even if he tried his mother would be after his butt so fast he wouldn't know what to do with himself.
But yes, I will get a lawyer. I know now I can't trust him. I've been trying to do it when he's not around so he doesn't ahve to overhear. He's not around much, but yesterday got sucked out of my hands so fast I really had no time, and that decompression session at lunch was critical to my sanity. i'll check some stuff on the Net today to see who to call.
Please make me acocuntable for this!
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Shannon
#267414 - 06/03/06 11:28 AM
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Janey
Reged: 10/25/03
Posts: 1716
Loc: Maryland
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I have been following all of your posts and I am so very sorry that you have to go through all of this and that your husband is hurting you so much.
I have to say that you cannot rely on the idea that he will not take advantage of you and would never hurt your daughter by not paying child support. You cannot rely on this belief. You have to see a lawyer. That is the only way you can be assured that he will help your support your daughter. You cannot be nice about this and put his needs first. I am not saying you have to "take him to the cleaners" but you have to put yourself and Kayleigh first.
I have seen many great fathers leave their families and slowly stop spending time with their children and slowly stop paying child support. It seems when they get into the single life they forget their responsibilities.
As far as his interest in teens and sex and the comments about when Kayleigh is a teenager and when her friends come over. I have NEVER heard any man that I know make such a comment. That is not normal at all and I would be very leary about him especially as Kayleigh gets older. I know it is difficult to think that someone you love and trust could do such a thing but it does happen.
The only thing that I can see a 29 year old man and a 17 year old girl have in common is sex.
I will keep you in my prayers. You are a beautiful strong woman and you do not need him in your life. We are all here for you.
Hugs,
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Janey
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I'm not worried about him getting into kiddie stuff at all, but you're right, I will have concern when she's a teen. I will keep you all updated.
thanks!
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It's really perverted that he's salivating about when Keyleigh's friend's are teenagers.
Shannon, as much as you don't want it to be over, you have to get this guy out of your life for yours and your daughter's sake.
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No problem. I will hold you accountable. I will ask you again on Monday evening what steps you took towards getting a lawyer.
Remember, getting a lawyer doesn't mean trying to take everything away from him. It means that you and your daughter will be safe and provided for no matter what. That's all. I'm sure somewhere in your community there are lawyers that help people in your circumstance that don't have a lot of money.
Also, keep a log of his comments or things he does. You always think you'll remember where and when something happened or exactly what he said, but you'd be surprised....if it comes down to it, you'll need details. So things like the "when she's a teen" comment, you need to write down from memory (now) and try to get exactly what he said word for word. It's important. Really important.
Lauren
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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I now know who the girl is. She's a hostess at his work, and she's struck me as a sleazy kiod from day one. Her name is the same as my daughter's, and I've met her, and so she KNOWS he's married with a daughter. We've been in for dinner together and she's been there.
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That is crazy!
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Hi Shannon,
I have been reading all your posts, and my heart is really going out to you. It sounds like you in an absolutely awful situation that I cannot even begin to appreciate the extent of. I have been thinking of you a lot lately, and I didn't even know what to say but I thought I would say that I am here to support you.
I also wanted to say, though, that I agree with Ashely and the others that have said: Kick. Him. Out.!!
He needs to go! The fact that his brother or whatever isn't ready for him to move in and his mom won't have him is *his* problem. He made it a problem for himself alone when he put all this crap on you and broke the vows that he made to you by lusting after a girl who in underage (I know it's 14 in Canada, but that's only with parental consent as far as I know for sexual acts and I am pretty sure they aren't about to consent to any of that!).
If he has to sleep in a motel, let him. If he has to beg another friend, sleep on someone's floor, sleep in his car, sleep *anywhere else*, that is for him to sort out.
If I would you, I would tell him you are lawyering up, kick him out and change the locks. And until he is properly evaluated psychologically, I would only give him supervised visits to your daughter.
My sisters best friend is going through something similar and has been for *years* now, and that's what I don't want for you! She has been saying for that long that eventually, she'll kick him out.. Now he does have some big time mental problems that have come out in the last few years that were *never* apparent in the first.. gosh, 15 years.. of their relationship. Now he goes to pick their daughter up cough syrup, and doesn't come back until 4 days later.
Point is, my sisters friend is completely destroyed by this. She has let it consume her life, when she should have just cut him off when all the BS started. Don't let his antics ruin who you are as a person. There are so many *good* men out there, who don't look at young girl pornography, who don't keep secrets and disrespect their families and the people who love them.
You deserve SO MUCH BETTER than this, and the sooner you get him out the door the closer you will be to finding a better life for yourself and your daughter.
I don't want to sound insensitive, I know that doing that may possibly be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but I do believe it will be worth it.
You are still in my thoughts, and we're all here for you!
**hugs**
Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Oh my gosh! The same name?! That's just too creepy.
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next week for 2 weeks while they're on holidays.. phew.
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