The truth comes out....****warning, even No More pooch will be ticked off***
#266451 - 05/30/06 03:33 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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Well, today was the first time we really talked about things.
He's moving in with his brother (three doors down)at the end of June, and will pay the rent till I can manage. I so don't care how he manages it, he has got to support us.
He finally admitted that he's talking with someone, but it's not an affair. It's also begun after he broke up with me. He said today the reason we broke up was because he fell out of love....
Anyways, it's one of his staff members and she's bloody eighteen years old. He doesn't care what anyone thinks. I told him to imagine his little girl at 18 and a perverted 29 year old BOSS of hers "just talking" and imagine his reaction. he doesn't care. What a JERK! 
He's closed off, doesn't worry about how kayleigh and I will manage, and said again the reason he's leaving is he's not in love anymore.
He's not sleeping with her, but said he might want to in the future. How did I not know him at all??? Oh my God.
His boss was called in to talk to him, and HER father even came in to talk about it. What he heck is going through his mind? She's a bloody teenage runaway!
And he didnt' want to tell me because he knew i saw the picture but he didn't want me following him and spying and didn't want me going crazy and going after her. Whatever. I told him as if it matters-he's such a moron to be in this position that I don't want to be part of this rediculous Jerry Springer show.
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Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Shannon :) (05/30/06 03:39 PM)
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You and your little girl deserve far, far better.
If it were me (and I know it's not), I would kick his butt out ASAP. If he has to wait until the end of June to move in with his brother, well, he can find someplace else to crash for a few weeks. Or sleep on the floor at least.
****HUGS and lots of support****
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but anyhow, I actualyl feel better, and more likely to throw up now that I know what's going on. He used to be a classy guy! WTF happened?????
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Oh Shannon..
#266458 - 05/30/06 03:48 PM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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I don't know what to say, you poor sweetheart.
Rachel will be along shortly to say wise and helpful things, so I will just offer you hugs and agree that he is a JERK!
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S.
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What a jerk!!! The way he is totally disregarding both you and Kayleigh is absolutely disgraceful, he is an embarassment to his gender. I can't imagine how you are feeling, and am sending all my sympathy and good wishes over the Atlantic to you right now.
BUT - why have you not kicked him out the house today??!! If you file for separation he'll have to cover the rent and living expenses anyway, so don't wait for him to move out because of him 'offering' to keep paying the rent 'til you can manage' - he has to pay it anyway, and for as long as Kayleigh is living with you, not just til you are working.
Please, please, please PLEASE go see a lawyer asap, if money is an problem there are those who offer their services for free. You need to know NOW exactly what your rights are, and get this idiot out of your house.
It definitely sounds like a mid-life crisis, but that does not in any way excuse his shameful behaviour - and you now need to put yourself and Kayleigh first, and not even consider him for a single second.
I'm just so mad at him on your behalf, I hate it when people like him put great people through all this pain. All I can say is that, based on his current behaviour, you are far better off without him - and are such a great person you will find someone better for sure.
GRRRRRR!!!!! Please, get him out!!
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http://ibsblondie13.blogspot.com/
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Shannon, at this point you cannot believe one word he says. It is common for men to say "We haven't slept together", "I fell out of love". I can't imagine all of the feelings that are in your head and your heart. Stay strong love.
Kick his sorry butt out!!!!!
You bet he is going to pay your rent, the Lawyer is going to see to it. Kayleigh is his child and he has to support her!
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Shannon
#266466 - 05/30/06 04:11 PM
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I can't believe it! I wish I had something useful to say to you but I can't think of anything besides agreeing with the others that he is being a big jerk and you so don't deserve any of this and neither does your daughter. I really hope that you and her find a way to make things work so you don't have to rely on him and give him a reason to hang around you. I would definitely talk to a lawyer. 18! I can't even imagine - and that he wouldn't care if his daughter was in that situation.
Big hugs coming your way and I really hope you start feeling better - you need your energy! Take care and keep us posted - you know we're all here for you any time.
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Shannon,
I am so sorry.
The sad thing is that if this 18 year old little girl has feelings for him and is naive enough to get involved with him does she not realize that chances are he would become infatuated with someone else and leave her too?
I have tried to be very careful in that not every marriage comes through the fire like mine did but you know I did my darndest to offer objective help. I still think Trevor is hurting in some way which is why he is making unwise choices but I would say that you should get your ducks in order now.
I thought Trevor owned the restaurant? Why does he have a boss? Does Outback not have a fraternization rule?
Hugs,
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Have a blessed day! Rachel
Formerly poochibelly...
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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Ok, I'm sorry but that's SICK! She's not even finished high school. Eeewww... 
Ok as Tommy and I both agree - KICK HIM OUT NOW!!!!! Make him couch surf for a while. Make him realize that he's just screwed up BIIIIIIIG!!! What a freakin IDIOT!!!
I hope this ends all hopes that you'd ever consider taking him back. And I am 99% sure that they've already slept together.
Has he lost his mind??????
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What a total jerk. I don't believe his relationship started after you broke up. This was happening before, and he's just trying to justify his actions in his mind. Eventually this 18 year old bimbo will leave him, and when he comes crawling back, tell him to take a hike and go back to the bimbo he left you for.
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oh SHANNON!! That suuuuuuuucks. I can't believe that this is all happening to you.. you totally do NOT deserve it, and in fact you deserve better. Keep your head up, its nothing that you did! In times like these a lot of women blame themselves, and I hope that you realize that you are not at fault!!
And as for the 18 yr old.. thats tragic. I know this may hurt, but I don't see how he randomly started talking to her after you broke up- when you saw her picture on his computer literally a day later. I think he's underestimating your intelligence by saying that, because he's definitly guilty and grasping at straws.
What are you going to do tonight? When is he leaving. UGH I just want to cry for you.. you are so much better than this. I also agree that you should avoid any jerry springer like situations as well. he made his bed, and now he can lie in it. ALONE.
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All he can see is a 18 year old that seems (to him) to be in love with him. We have all heard that men have two heads ... he is thinking with the wrong one, and he can not see anything except this 18 year old. He has to go, and you need to have a lawyer to represent you and your daughter. Now, hang tough because it can only get better from here on out for you. I pray that good things come your way.
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 Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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Aw Shannon. I'm so sorry. I hope you'll keep seeing the counsellor or clergyman. I honestly think we're not built for this kind of tragedy, so I hope you'll go out and acquire the tools you'll need to keep yourself and Kayleigh emotionally afloat. It sounds like the bimbo's dad at least has a clue about what's going on with his daughter -- let's hope he can exert enough influence over her to keep her from falling prey to T as well. Don't waste your energy hating her -- she's not the one with an obligation to you. Focus your strength on taking care of yourself and your girl. Let T worry about himself (something tells me he's not waiting for your permission to do that anyway).
We're here, keep us posted.
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Obviously the guy is REALLY screwed up.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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She's a runaway who got kicked out and is abused, he says. I do not care about her, definitely not enough to tell her she's breaking up a happy home. I really dont' think she did.
But I think trevor is being SICK and don't care about his needs anymore.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Oh Shannon,
I'm so sorry...that is just terrible. I really can't believe how this is all playing out...18?!?! I'm just really sorry. You hang in there and concentrate on taking care of you and your daughter...I wish I had better advice but again I don't have anything. Just loads of HUGS 
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Shannon
#266495 - 05/30/06 05:18 PM
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It seems as if Trevor might feel like a "rescuer" or something. I too agree that this is sick.
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Have a blessed day! Rachel
Formerly poochibelly...
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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is because I'm working full time this week and I need every penny I've got, and I'm still dazed by the whole thing. i spent yesterday tlaking to friends after school, and ahve just spet a ton of time trying to find a pastor etc to talk to, and failed failed failed so far. This so sucks!
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Keep on keepin' on...
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I told him, "Don't you see a pattern?" But I guess he doesn't. Sick.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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I don't know what to say. I have never been married, so I can't offer much advice, but I do think if this is how he is, you are better off finding out now.
Good luck my friend.
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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I hate to see you get hurt this way. People can't always help their feelings, but they sure can help their behavior and his behavior has been inexcusable. He better pay that rent and I hope you and your daughter can happy life anyway. He obviously needs to mature and figure his own head out and better he not drag you down while he does it!
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Shannon
#266511 - 05/30/06 06:33 PM
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Toady
Reged: 04/06/06
Posts: 1299
Loc: A small city, Northwestern Ontario, Canada
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I'm pretty much speechless when it comes to hearing about your aweful situation. It is terrible. You have my ((((((HUGS)))))))) it's all I can do - I don't have anything to say to ease your heart and soul. I'm just sorry such a nice person has to deal with such difficult things. And its not your fault!! Just remember that - it is his decision, not yours sweetie!! Take care!
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up!
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By the way
#266514 - 05/30/06 06:40 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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I know you weren't giving me a guarantee, just advice. But I am so stunned and grossed out and EMBARRASSED about it.
He is a part owner-ie: franchisee of his restaurant, so it's not like he owns it outright. He put $30,000 into it and is paying $600 a month for it, and $600 a month for his new car, and only $150 more than that for rent. Nice eh??
Anyhow, he has higher ups who manage how HE manages things. In a few years he'll be well off. Lucky.
As for the fraternization rule, well he's not DOING anything with her, so he says, and the bosses are on his side. 
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Shannon, you have nothing to be embarassed about...he does! I think that $600 a month he's paying for the restaurant would nicely pay your rent or most of it. Get your lawyer to go after your share. Oh, and he can take the bus to work so he'll have an extra $600 for your other household expenses.
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Men I swear think a younger woman is gonna do it for them. Little do they know that women in their 30's are prime!!!! Little 18 years old's have SOOOOOOOOOOO much learning to do yet.
Yeah, I agree, she's definitly not a home wrecker. It's him that's wrecking the home. She's probably just caught up in him for an escape to her abusive world. She'll smarten up and think "what the heck am I doing with such an old fart"!
Ughhh, I feel for you. I hope he comes to his senses real soon, however, not sure if I'd ever trust him again. Hard situation you are in right now. I just can't believe that he's not thinking of Kayleigh. Of course, we all know that right now he's not thinking with his brain (he's obviously thinking with something else  )Thank goodness she is too young to see what a jerk her dad is being right now.
Good luck sweetie and hang in there!!! My thoughts are with you!!!!
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~~~Lisa~~~
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...now you know what's going on, or least enough of it. You can start making plans for yourself and Kayleigh. It looks pretty plain that he's going no matter what. And hopefully he'll live up to his word and help support the two of you. But if he doesn't, know that you are a strong woman and you can take of yourself and your daughter. You'll be alright.
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***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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Shannon
#266542 - 05/30/06 08:05 PM
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Janey
Reged: 10/25/03
Posts: 1716
Loc: Maryland
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I am so sorry! I agree with what everyone has said here. The most important thing right now is for you to look after you and Kayleigh's interests. See a lawyer ASAP.
I know it has to be extremely hurtful and disappointing to know that your husband that you love has a totally different side that you didn't know about.
You are a very special person that deserves so much more that what he is giving you.
As a mother of an almost 17 year old daughter I can't imagine if a 29 year old man wanted to date her. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. This is not your fault. He is completely in the wrong and shame on him for putting someone else before his family. I have to agree that you can't believe anything he says to you and that he probably has slept with this girl.
Hugs sweetie,
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Janey
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Shannon, i don't know you that well but have been reading all your posts on this subject.First, i am so sorry you are going thru all this. I can only say that without a doubt that 18 yr old is going to get sick of him real quick,think about it, what a drag it will be when he has no money to do anything fun when he is paying child support and possibly alimony,and wouldn't it be a drag for her to have to deal with child every weekend or every other weekend, whatever the visitation schedule might be? (not dissing your child, just telling it like an 18yr old would think it)and when the 18yr old realizes "playing house" isnt so much fun anymore she will move on to a bigger and better "sugar daddy" to buy her all the toys and entertain her 24/7. what a blow that will be to Mr.Wonderful (a.k.a your soon to be ex).In a nutshell what i am trying to say is sometimes life has an ironic way of smacking you upside the head and saying "I told you so". Meaning him,not you. What comes around,goes around.
Your a very pretty girl i can see that from your pic,don't you think you deserve a man who will love you thru good times and bad?? As bad as it hurts right now, i would let him go, his choices in life will come back to bite him in the @$$ and maybe God has a plan for you,that a true someone special is out there for you.You deserve that.I know your world must feel like it's crashing down on you right now but 'this too shall pass', your a good person and i think good things are yet to come for you.Stay strong, your in my thoughts and prayers.
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I think part of what hurts so much is that I KNOW how hard it's going to bite him in the butt, and I just wish I could stop that. But he has to learn his lesson. Sigh.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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I'm sure you've heard of "It's called a breakup because it's broken." I know you said you were reading about how to fight for your marriage, but I think you should take a look at this one as well. I read it after my ex and I broke up -- I know we weren't married, but we were together for 3 years and literally everyone thought he was about to propose when things just fell apart. I've lent it to several friends and we all agree that its blunt and humorous tone can really make you stop and look at things you've tried not to see. See if your library has it, or if not I'll send you a copy. It's worth having!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Shannon
#266570 - 05/31/06 05:16 AM
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ecmmbm
Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina
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I've been scarce around here but came by for the single purpose of checking on you. I'm so sorry to hear this but I agree that now is the time for "accepting reality", though I wish it were not so. I still pray that you will pour your heart out to the Lord and let Him help you through this. I'm not able to be on the board much at all right now but email me anytime, please! Lots of prayers, and I'm so sorry!!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Re: Shannon
#266633 - 05/31/06 09:39 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Please, though, do not think that you have something to be embarrassed about!!! I know you still love him and care about him but you need to stop worrying about him and focus on getting things set for you and your child! Kick his sorry ass to the curb-if he loves his restaurant so much, let him sleep there! I hate to add more stress to the situation but he obviously isn't making good decisions right now, do you think leaving him to watch your daughter all day is a good idea?
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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but I've tried to push it away. That's how things have been, that's how they'll ahve to be. i just pray she'd say something!!!!I mean I really really really highly doubt that would happen but you never know with anyone, do you....
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Keep on keepin' on...
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maybe I'll go buy it. this fight for your marriage is for those who aren't broken up and it's more about HOW to fight, so your marriage doesn't cave in when you fight.
I'll check it out. I'm at that point now.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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I think it is a great book. It makes you laugh but is also helpful. I am on my 2nd time reading it after breaking up with the same guy for the 2nd time. Oy! Anyways, check the book out
Kristi
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