Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | An update on my situation....

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am going to be brutally honest with you. You know that I care for you deeply and would never intentionally hurt you.

I have been in a very similar situation. I married my high school sweetheart at 18. He went into restaurant management. He worked the night shift at Red Lobster. I gave up a management position at a local eye dr's office where I would have been making more money them him and moved across the state with him, because I loved him and wanted to have a life with him. I knew absolutely no one at all. I did find a crappy job at an eye dr's office but of course worked days so we hardly saw each other. A few months after we moved, he started staying out until I left in the morning for work and was irritable and I just new something was wrong.

One day, I was sleeping in bed and he came home at like 4am and sat in the chair at the foot of the bed and just stared at me. I have no idea how I knew but I knew to my very soul that he was seeing someone else and then it dawned on me, the "other woman" was pregnant. I just looked at him, he hadn't said a word at this point, and I just said "she's pregnant, isn't she??" He dropped his head and said yes.

I didn't even know he was unhappy with our marriage, I didn't know he was seeing someone, it was a total shock to me. I ended up moving out as I couldn't afford the rent at our duplex. Luckily, we didn't have any children and we really didn't own anything of value. We had been seeing each other since we were 16 and I was 22 when this happened.

The other woman did have an abortion, she was only 20 years old, already had a child AND lived at home. She was the bar tender at the restaurant he managed. I rented a small crappy apartment in an awful section of town trying to save up enough money to move back closer to my friends and family. Before he even filed divorce papers, she was pregnant again!

I finally moved and within a couple of months, I got a phone call at 6am on April Fools day from his sister, he had been murdered at the restaurant. Unfortunately, it wasn't an Aprils fools prank and he really was dead. Its very odd because the other women actually told his parents to be sure that I was there because thats what he would have wanted.

I've also been in a very physically abusive relationship, that one lasted almost 2 years and ended up with a woman's shelter and restraining order, which are a joke by the way.

Anyways, honestly, I think, for whatever reason, the marriage is already over in your hubby's heart. Will he come around and realize that he does love you and you are the one for him after some time, who knows. But, I think you have to be realistic and do what is best for you and your daughter. I think YOU need to get a lawyer, don't rely on him for that, you need one who is going to look out for YOUR interests, not his. I agree, don't leave the condo until you have talked to a lawyer, there is an abandonment law which can be used against you. I think for your own hearts sake, do not try to hold onto a shoe string of hope that he will come around-you will never heal if you are always thinking that once he "gets it out of his system, he'll come back." If that turns out to be the case and you still want him, great but I've seen too many women waste their lives away waiting for that to happen.

Do not try and figure it all out at once, it will over whelm you. Take it day by day. The first step, is talking to a lawyer. If you guys do manage to work it out, great but you need to know what your options are in case you have to make decisions quickly. You are a strong person, you can and will get through this. Focus on each separate task and hurdle, try not to look too long term right now, it will work out one way or the other.

Sending lots of love and hugs.

--------------------
Taking it one day at a time.....

Print Remind Me Notify Moderator