Oh my god my twins are back....
#265594 - 05/25/06 04:23 PM
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Natalie1985
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 1329
Loc: UK - Leeds for uni, Merseyside for home!
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Hey everyone,
havent post much in the last couple of days as have been partying like theres no tomorrow...had a great time yesterday with all my coursemates...I had drank WAY too much by about 7pm and was my usual embarrassing self. Then went for a curry(a dairy free one) and demolished probably half the naan bread in the whole place  trying to soak up my drunkenness! I then went home at about 11pm and we decided(me and one of my flatmates) that we would go out clubbing...cos there was a HUGE night on and possibly the last best one of the year. So even though by this point I was nackered...and getting a hangover(as had been drinking since 4pm)  I forced myself out...nearly didnt go though...and anyways...drama drama drama....
Some of you may remember my HUGE CRUSH on one of the twins who lived at the same halls as me last year(Im waiting for sinead to pipe up ) well....they were there!!!! I nearly had a HEART ATTACK on the dancefloor I swear to god. It has been nearly a year since I last saw Dan...and the last time I saw him I had had a funny feeling that I wouldnt see him ever again and that that would be an end to that chapter of my life...having nearly failed my 2nd year due to my antics.  Well...since the last time I saw him I have had a few shall we say dalliances with other boys(more a snog here and there ) and had moved on and gotten over it as best I could. Ive become close friends with some of Dans old friends in the last year too and it was hard talking about it to them at first but we broke the ice and I finally felt like I was over it. Well they hadnt seen him for ages either cos hes always been ''locked down'' by the girlfriend who broke my heart last year....she had cheated on him they had split up and he took her back just during the time when something possibly could have happened between me and him.
Well it was someones birthday last night and they went for that and I nearly got the shock of my life. The weirdest thing is since christmas...although his name gets mentioned from time to time...Ive felt asthough I was over it and was never going to see him again. I was even joking with one of his friends about him outside the club lastnight before we went it which was SO STRANGE cos that rarely happens and of all nights he turns up then. I had also found some letters about him earlier in the week, written to me about the situation last year by the security guard here who you may remember was the reason I ended up meeting dan in the first place. He had also weirdly appeared in my dream earlier in the week...so it was almost as if I had been given signs that I would see him even though I hadnt expected it not one bit. 
Anyways...point of me writing this essay...lol...is cos I didnt even manage to go say hi to him....I have no idea why...I was feeling hungover and self conscious and was just being stupid but basically I just couldnt get the guts to go over and speak to him...mainly because when I saw him all those feelings came back and I was scared talking to hm was gona do even more damage. However, I am now seriously regretting it having woken up of sane mind this morning...and Ive been getting told off all day by my friends...especially his...who had aparently told him I was there so it looked like I was avoiding him....now hes gona think Im a right freak....grrrrrrrrrr...Im so mad at myself...all I had to say was hi and how'v u been and all that...had it been a few hours earlier when I was very merry on wine I would have grabbed him Im so upset now that I didnt even acknowledge him...I just feel so much worse.
Im being a pathetic girl I know...just needed to vent on here as therapy cos I knew a lot of you know the story from last year....but theres worse to come...cos now I have found out that next year(which is going to be so important for me) he is moving back to leeds to stay in the halls where I am(but will be moving anyway in july) WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND!!! So now I have to endure possibly a years worth of dodging him and her together when I will most probably cry!  Im such a bridget jones arent I!!! HELP!!!
What am I going to do...I thought I had got rid of these stupid feelings and now I feel like Ive been hit with them all again...and its so stupid I know...get over it natalie....but why did he have to re appear in my life again now of all times??? I just know this isnt the last Ive seen of him.....
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 Natalie
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Bloody hell girl, that has to be the longest post I've seen you write!! He obviously does something to you...
I don't know the story, so I can't comment on the whole history thing, but MAYBE it's a good idea you didn't talk to him last night - if he's moving in with his girl they're obviously pretty serious, which means it 'probably' wouldn't have gone anywhere anyway, and might have dragged all your old feelings up even more?
But hey, what do I know! Glad you've had a couple of great nights though! God clubbing, can't remember the last time...  So was this guy like your first love or something similar? You're obviously nuts over him! Is he cute? (Daft question! )
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http://ibsblondie13.blogspot.com/
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Oh no!!! But it might be for the best that you didn't approach him as it ight have been very awkward and who knows what would have happened.
I would try to forget him if that's at all possible!!!!
Glad you had such a fun day and night out though!!! YAY!
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first of all- i didn`t read the post fully, i kind of skim read it (i`m really, really exahusted)... but got the jist of it.
Just thin of the positives...you had a fun night. wish i could stomach one of the three - drink, nan bread or curry.
does he know how you feel? if you bump into him again try and talk - make normal conversation - and act as though you do not give one. Although you might find it tricky it won`t be as awkward if he is going to be there whilst you are.
BIG HUGS HUNI, hope things are ok other than that.
jo x
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http://www.myspace.com/jo_elsmere
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OMG!!!!!!!!!!!(and mmmmmmmmmm naan bread)
Well look, you are over them, you said it yourself. Twil be fine. You'll just get yourself a Jesse Metcalf-alike (damn Nadine Coyle stealing the real thing from you)
LOL that you avoided him though, I used to do that, spend half a term trying to bump into a guy and the other half trying to avoid him at all costs. HE didn't acknowledge you either though, remember that...so he can't think you are weird for blanking him cos he did the same to you.
I get that dream thing a bit too, it's freaky. Get rid of the letters, they are not a good thing to have around. You and Jesse-a-like will do just fine.
Hugs
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S.
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Nat, I never realized how much women analyze things.  The twin probably thought this: "Man, I wonder why she hasn't come up to me? Oh well, I will holla at her next time I see her." I love reading your stories about going out, clubbing, etc. brings me back to my college days...
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LOL...actually Im more in love with Shayne Ward than Jesse Metcalfe...and yes there are hopefully going to be plently of other boys for me to play with when I move house ....but I still cant make all these stupid feelings go away. I think I felt worse cos they'd been told I was there and I never went and said hi and a few time we werent that far from them and even though I wasnt looking their and it didnt look obvious...some of his friends are sayin i was stupid and shouldnt have just been so chicken and got over it cheeky! They asked my flatmate if Im still hung up on him and so they just said nothing....makes it look worse now. Anyways...I was kinda expectin to feel like this anyways...cos he hadnt done anything to make me not like him anymore and Im one of those people who when they like someone like like someone and thats it...they'd have to do something pretty serious for me to go off them....trust me I had a MAJOR crush on someone at school from age 7-17 and that only stopped cos he did something bad that put me off
Anyways...Im gona have to just try my best to make myself feel better about myself...cos I think thats a HUGE if not THE reason why I didnt go over cos I was feeling so c*** about myself that day...I need to learn to love myself before I can love anyone else....Im so pathetic arent I!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I think Im always gona feel the same way whenever I bump into him so I just need to get a grip and fall madly in love with someone else....right....am off to meet Justin Timberlake...see ya!
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Natalie
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I know...I bet you all think I am some deranged, loopy clueless student dont you??? hehe....I know I am gona look back and read all these posts in years to come and cringe at myself....aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
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Natalie
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awkward I think and thats why I didnt go over...I was mainly feeling VERY self conscious and weird and was hungover from drinking earlier and wasnt of sane mind! I cant forget about him...that is verging on MORE THAN impossible...but I can get over him....just need to learn to love myself first....I am having SERIOUS self esteem issues right now!
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Natalie
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I do!
#265657 - 05/26/06 06:13 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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(think what you think Tommy thinks!)
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S.
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Thanks jo....
#265658 - 05/26/06 06:13 AM
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Natalie1985
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 1329
Loc: UK - Leeds for uni, Merseyside for home!
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Well I know for sure I am likely to see him in september with his girlfriend so I will just prepare myself to act normal and hopefully I may be feeling good enough about myself by then to be able to find someone else to focus my attention on....even though I shouldnt be saying that cos I should be focusing on my future career...yes natalie...repeat after me....boys come last
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Natalie
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..will find you a Jesse, although you are well able to find one yourself Try to stay away from multiple births this time though!
Like Tommy said, guys don't analyse like that. My brother has a list of stuff guys think on his bebo, I will post it or mail it to you later (no access to bebo at work )
Speaking of work...I had better do some!
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S.
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shoulda known you'd pipe up again I am crazy I know....dont tell me you havent been there though????!!!
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Natalie
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Thanks...
#265663 - 05/26/06 06:21 AM
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Natalie1985
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 1329
Loc: UK - Leeds for uni, Merseyside for home!
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I should find the posts from last year that explain the whole situation...they are SO FUNNY when I read about my antics now...its like it was a lifetime ago and yet also feels like only yesterday....weird...cos I have grown up so much now....I have.... serious ....that stupid boy has just made me go all funny again....and yes he does have a BAD BAD effect on me...I only have to sense hes in the room and I feel like Ive had a heart attack...my bowels nearly give way every time ....it was so funny when I saw him cos I only saw the back of his identical twins neck...and that was through the crowd aswell...and straight away my heart nearly hit the floor..cos I thought...OH C*** if hes here that means you know whos there....and then when I saw him I nearly keeled over!
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Natalie
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D and he lived across from me in campus accommodation.
A few months into my infatuation my friend snogged him when drunk one night. I was sooo annoyed with her but I had to play it cool. So I did.
Wonder where he is now!
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S.
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Heheh...
#265670 - 05/26/06 06:45 AM
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Natalie1985
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 1329
Loc: UK - Leeds for uni, Merseyside for home!
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I know...I think thats what made me sad about the whole situation last year cos I got on SO WELL with him from the start and hoped we'd end up friends...but I messed that up and it never happened...its a shame...but who knows...maybe its a good thing cos I dont think I coulda handled being just friends...even though Ive tried to convince myself I can...but we'll see what happens....
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Natalie
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Sorry you have self esteem issues. Why though? You're super sweet and beautiful! 
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everybody seems to say things like that to me...and Im always thinking is there something Im missing...when it comes to things like this though...I am stupid and never get it right....I think I dont take risks enough is what it is...I seem to panic and run away from the situation instead of just doing it...I spent so much of last year worrying about what to do and say when I should have just been acting on it...that way I might have actually got somewhere.
Anyways...I know most girls have issues with their bodies anyways but Ive always been self conscious I think really...I go through phases...but right now I hate myself and I cant imagine letting anyone get anywhere near me....I am confident that I can overcome that...after all I have said that this is the year of structure in my life and sorting myself out...think thats something to do with turning 21
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Natalie
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Yes all women are self concious. Hey- I'm trying to lose weight.
I am 10 years older than you and belive me that you're still young and will get more confidence as you get older. It's not just a cliche!!!
As for the boy situation. Do what your heart tells you to do. BUT-- that might mean you'll do dumb stuff so figure out a healthy balance.
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